


Forever Ago

by StellarFox



Category: IT, IT (2017), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Don't Kill Me, Everything good about The Losers Club, Friendship, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, Other, Past Lives, Slow Burn, The Losers Club, and better life choices, god so many life choices, just let me get this out of my system, oh god idk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-13
Updated: 2017-12-11
Packaged: 2018-12-27 08:02:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 33
Words: 86,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12076935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StellarFox/pseuds/StellarFox
Summary: You just moved to Derry, but, have you been here before? Not in this life at least, but these dreams and that clown are sure to give you one hell of a life.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ I'd like to thank PeblezQ for being my amazing Editor and Beta Reader! ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

I only see darkness. I feel wetness in my shoes and sunshine pouring down from above. I look up just to see an endless tunnel going nowhere, the same thing happening with all the tunnels around, going endless until there’s nothing to see. A little tune starts to echo from every direction, the tune sounds like the songs they teach you in kindergarten but just slower, like it was broken music box.

I start to walk, going in the tunnel that was in front of me. I only hear the sound of the water at my feet, and the sound of the tune growing stronger and stronger as I take each step. The closer I come to the melody, the more I realize there’s someone humming the song along with the music box. The tunnel grows in size until I reach a big room, no windows, but I could see everything with detail. The little cascades that was pouring from all sizes of the room, the water looks muddy, and the walls look worn and gray. The tune stops, and I look in the middle of the room. There was a man; he’s tall...too tall. He was sitting in the middle of the room, and facing the opposite direction. I couldn't see his face, but his clothes look like a clown costume. Once white and clean, now dirty and worn down. His hair looks like a cheap wig at the costume store, bright orange and going everywhere. A slow laugh started echoing in the room, growing stronger until it became a full on manic laugh. It suddenly came to a halt, and a voice was heard.

\- A cheap wig? Well, there goes my first impression. Maybe I should comb my hair before I come to visit you next time...- the man said in a sarcastic tone. He stands up, but wouldn't turn around.

-I’m sorry if I said it out loud. I didn't mean it. Where are we, and who are you?- I asked. It’s weird though, I’m pretty sure this isn't real. No tunnel goes forever, and there’s no way in hell I’m stuck here with...whoever this is...without remembering how I got here. There’s just one simple answer to all of this: I must be dreaming.

-Oh, but you are dreaming, [y/n]- he said with a giggle, -that doesn't make me any less real, nor does it make you any more safe,- he said while turning around so I can finally see him. He’s definitely a clown. His eyes change colors while looking at me, and his smile grows wider and predatory. I take a step back without realizing it.

-Do not worry, [y/n]. I’m not going to hurt you...at least, not yet,- he said with a laugh. -Allow me to introduce myself. I’m Pennywise, Pennywise the dancing clown,- he said while giving me a slight bow.

-You don’t look like you dance much,- I replied with a mixture of fear and sarcasm laced in your voice. Pennywise’s eyes became aggressive, and his smile fell a little, but he was still grinning.

-Oh, but I love to dance! Trust me, we’ll be dancing, you and me, I just have to show you how do it right before the final act.-

-What final act?- I asked.

\- I don’t want to ruin the fun, [y/n]. You'll just have to wait,- he said cheerfully. He started moving closer, and I tried to move backwards, but I soon met a wall that definitely wasn't there before.

-Now, now, I waited quite a while for you to show up. At least let me take a good look at you,- he said while grabbing my face a little too roughly. He smells like popcorn and cotton candy that expired a hundred years ago.

I look into his eyes; he looks like someone who was starving for months, and I was bread fresh out of the oven.

-Oh, how I waited for you, [y/n]. All these years, all these live's, and you’re still my favorite. What would you do this time? How are you going to act? Do you feel me calling to you? DO YOU FEEL YOUR SOUL TREMBLING WITH MY PRESENCE? AH, I WILL NEVER GET PAST YOUR SWEET SMELL, [Y/N]! YOU WILL ALWAYS COME BACK, AND THIS TIME, I’LL MAKE SURE YOU’LL STAY FOREVER,- he started laughing harder and harder as he spoke, and I closed my eyes while covering my ears as hard as I can, but he won’t stop.

-Shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!- I scream, but his laugh ceased. My eyes remain closed.

_This is a nightmare. This isn't real..._

_Wake up, wake up, wake up, WA..._

\- Wake up, [y/n]. Wake up, honey,- my eyes flew open, the light of the day hit me as strong a the wind blowing in my face. I look all around me, trying to take in my surroundings. I remember the car, the smell, and we were moving...it was just a dream.

-[y/n] are you ok?- I look at the rearview mirror to see my mom’s eyes looking at me. -I’ve been trying to wake you up for a solid five minutes. I was worried that I might have to look for a prince charming to wake you up. Who knows where to find one this days,- she said.

-I’m awake, I’m awake. No prince charming needed,- I replied with a chuckle, - what’s up? Is everything ok?- I ask.

-Yeah honey, everything's all right. I just wanted to wake you up since we’re almost there. In fact, look,- she said as she pointed towards something.

I looked up to see a big old sign: ‘ **WELCOME TO DERRY, MAINE’**. The sign had a bunch of missing person posters stuck everywhere.

-I’m telling you honey, I got a great feeling about this place, - mom said, and I turn around to see the backside of the sign for more posters. Instead, I just see a red balloon in the middle of the road, not going up nor down, completely still. A shiver crawled up my back.

-Yeah....we’ll see...- I said, still watching the balloon, and still hearing someone singing a familiar tune in the back of my mind.

-...we’ll see…-


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ I'd like to thank PeblezQ for being my amazing Editor and Beta Reader! ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

The town was small with old houses and a lot of green foliage. We parked in front of a small house with cream colored walls and a dark blue roof. It looks like it needed some new paint and grass mowing, but it was nice.

-Here it is honey. Our new home,- my mom said while opening the car door. -Come on, help me with the bags.-

As I open the car door, I feel the cool air outside almost immediately. The sky was covered in clouds, giving everything a gray atmosphere. It was too silent, no houses making any noises, no kids outside. Weird, it’s supposed to be the last few days of school break. I guess the kids in this town don’t like to have fun. I grab the few bags of luggage, packed with just our clothes and some stuff for the kitchen.

My mom opens the front door, revealing a long straight hallway in the center of the house. The carpet has the same worn cream color as the outside of the house, and the yellow painted walls were faded with time. There’s two rooms at each side; the first one was the living room, I guess the owners decided to leave their furniture here. It’s got a couch that looks really comfy, a small table with matching chairs next to the window, and some other wood furniture like shelves and such. The second door was the kitchen; it was pretty with soft pastel colors with a stove, fridge, and even some plates and kitchen utensils.

-Hey, mom,- I yelled as she was entering the house, -why is all this stuff here? Didn’t the people that lived here before us want this stuff?- I asked.

-I don’t think so, honey. The people who sold me the house told me that it was an old couple that was moving across the country to live with their son. Maybe they didn’t need all of this. Besides, be happy, this was a really great deal! Now we don’t have to spend more money on new furniture.-

I nod my head, but it’s still odd that these people left this house without taking anything.

-Your room is the one on the right. I think you’ll love it,- she said while going in the kitchen.

I open the door, the room itself is not too small nor too big. The walls were a light purple, there was a simple wood floor, and a big window that covered almost the entire side wall with curtains draped along each side of it. The bed was big, and old. Well, it looked old, with a white headboard, and two little nightstands at each side. There was a lamp on one side, while the other one was empty.

I drop my bag on the bed, and open the window. I could see the house next door, as well as the backyard. The town was covered by the woods, and the only thing separating the house and the forest was a small fence that anyone can walk over.

-Well, that’s a useless fence. Why not just put a sign that says ‘please rob us, will leave the door open’... - I mutter under my breath. Maybe this town is so safe that people don’t pay much attention to that kind of stuff.

After a few hours of unpacking and trying to decorate the room as best as I could, there was a knock on the front door. I look outside to see that it was almost nightfall, and I could hear mom talking to someone before closing the door.

\- [y/n] come to the kitchen!- mom yelled. I leave everything and enter the kitchen. A warm, sweet smell of pizza made my stomach grumble with the hunger I didn’t know I had.

-I thought that pizza after a long day of traveling and moving will make everything easier,- mom said as she laid the dishes on the table. -Don’t worry, I already washed them,- she said, answering the question that I didn’t get the chance to ask yet.

\- You’re the best fucking mom ever. You know that, right?- I spoke honestly.

-Hey! Language! I may be the best fucking mom ever, but I’m still your mom, so no bad words,- she said with a smile.

After almost trying to eat my entire body weight in pizza, I helped wash the dishes. My mom looked at me and gave me a little smile before speaking.

-Honey, I know that we’ve been through some hard stuff, and I know some things I wish I’ve done sooner, but now it’s the time for a new start. The life we’ve...no...that _I_ put you through, it will _never_ happen again, ok? I just want you to be happy. A new school, a new life, and no more of that old life,- she said while hugging me.

-I know mom. It’s ok, we’ll be ok,- I replied with a reassuring smile.

After saying goodnight to mom and changing into pajamas, I close the door of my room and lay in bed. I left the curtains open so the light from the street can illuminate my room. I layed in bed and turned on the discman-radio. Mom gave it to me last year. Since the only TV was in the living room, I turned on the first station just to listen to something while I fall asleep.

A radio host talked about the news in Derry. His voice was deep and calming, and soft music played between breaks. After a while, I started to lose what the host was saying while going in and out of sleep.

-In other news, Derry’s Public Library is giving an extent to all people who needs to return their books. Remember people, a good book must be shared...............break is almost over, remember kids, the curfew is until............now a sad news to report, a boy is missing. His name is ‘Geor................ we will send our prayers for his loved.........Oh! This just came in people, and what exciting news this is! [y/n] is back! That’s right, after all this time and waiting, [y/n] is finally here! Oh, [y/n], how much we all miss you, especially Pennywise....-

My eyes flew open, and I stayed frozen in bed while I listened carefully to the radio. _What the actual fuck? What is going on? How do they know me, and what....._

-Come on, [y/n], I know you’re awake and listening,- the voice of the radio host became more childlike, but also gruff and menacing.

-Are you just going to ignore me? Well, [y/n], it’s too late. Now, open the window,- he said.

-What?- I asked in a soft whisper.

-KNOCK KNOCK, [Y/N]!- a loud bang came from the window. Two glowing yellow eyes peer at me, and his smile quickly curls up once we make eye contact. Two hands slowly pressed against the window, pulling it open tediously slow, like he was doing it on purpose. I quickly look between the window and the door. I needed to make a decision, and fast.

_Ok, first the window and then the door. Either way he could kill me, but at least it's going to take longer for him to kill me if I close the window first...I don’t fucking know._

I uncover myself and get up as fast as I can to close the window. I tried to avoid looking into his eyes, or anywhere at him in general. I push the window as hard as I can until finally closing the window, and passing the lock. I look up to see that he was suddenly gone. _Maybe I can wake up mom and get the hell out of here._ As I turn around, I hit something large and firm. Before I could react, two long arms grab me by the waist, and I could feel a warm breath next to my ear. I tried to push him away, but his grip only gets stronger.

-Ah, c’mon, [y/n]. Smile for me. I used to make you smile, remember?- he harshly whispered in my ear.

-Let me go, asshole!- I said while fighting back with force. I turn to look at his face, and I look directly into his glowing eyes. He started laughing, and his mouth opened wider with each bellowed laugh. His skin started breaking in the process like somebody tried to push his jaw from his skull, and his teeth grew longer and sharper like a piranha. Nothing like any human should have.

-I will _never_ let you go, [y/n],- his mouth closed entirely, like his face didn’t do that unnatural thing it just did seconds ago. His face started to come closer to mine, and I screamed, kicked, fought, but nothing seemed to faze him. _Fuck, I don’t want that monster to kill me!_ He’s just inches away from my face now, but a loud knock at the door stops him.

-[Y/N], WHAT’S GOING ON? OPEN UP, [Y/N]!- the doorknob rattled and the knocking became stronger. I turned my eyes back to the clown, but I saw nothing there anymore. He’s just...nowhere, and I realize that the titanium grip he had on me was gone. I run to open the door, and my mom entered with a giant metal spoon in her hand, searching for someone or something. When she realized that no one was there but me, her shoulders slumped and she let out a sigh of relief.

-Are you okay, honey!? What happened!?- she exclaimed while looking at me, worry and concern etched in her features.

-The radio was talking to me, and then a giant clown wanted to....I don’t know.... kill me?.....I...I...How can I explain this?-

-Oh, honey... That was just a nightmare. You scared me for a moment. I thought that a burglar was attacking you,- she said while hugging me.

 _But, was it a nightmare? It didn’t fucking feel like that. It was too real, and the lingering sensation from the grip in my middle section tells me otherwise._ I look up at my mom, knowing that no matter what I say, she won’t believe me. I finally noticed the spoon she was holding, and it made me chuckle.

-What? What’s so funny?- she looks at me, confused.

-You thought a burglar was in here, and you were going to attack him with that?- I asked while pointing at the spoon she was holding. It took her a moment before she started to chuckle as well.

-Ok, maybe not the best choice of weapon on my end,- she replied with sarcasm.

-Definitively not.-

-Do you want to sleep in my room tonight?- I look at her and then the window. _Maybe, maybe just for tonight._

-I would like that, but just for tonight.-

-Ok, just for tonight,- she repeats before she walked to her room. I grab my pillow, and check outside the window again before closing the curtains. I followed my mother to her room, closing my door behind me on my way out. I layed down beside her in bed, I closed my eyes, and drifted off to sleep.

_Just for tonight._


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ I'd like to thank PeblezQ for being my amazing Editor and Beta Reader! ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

The light from the window woke me up. I looked around and it took a minute to realize that this isn’t my room. The clock on the nightstand next to her bed marked 8:15, the window was open all the way, and a warm breeze makes me smell the fresh pruned grass and morning dew. I uncovered myself as I was getting up a strong pain around my middle makes me flinch in shock. All of the memories from last night came to me at once. I get up and head to the bathroom. I closed the door and pulled my shirt up. At each side of my waist, small bruises snaked around, almost connecting at my back. My breath cut short at the sight, and I covered myself as fast as I could. I turned the knob from the sink, and poured water in my face.  _ I need to calm down...Close your eyes...Breathe, [y/n]...In and out. _

-Purple was always your color,- I suddenly heard Pennywise’s voice next to my ear. I turned as fast as I could, but there was just me and the running water. Suddenly, the bathroom felt too small, so I opened the door and got out quickly. It felt like my heart was trying to leap out of my body, beating like I was running a goddamned marathon. It took me five minutes of standing in the middle of the room to calm myself down.  _ There was no one with me in the bathroom and I didn’t hear any voice... _ I repeat this in my head a couple of times to soothe myself. Once I was virtually as calm as I can be, I get out of the room and walked towards the kitchen.

My mom was already up, still in her pajamas. I could see her scrambling some eggs as she looked up to see me standing at the entrance. She gave me a warm smile.

-Good Morning, sweetheart. Did you end up sleeping well?- she asked while placing the eggs on the plates and setting them on the table. I stared at her for a moment before blinking myself back into reality, grabbing a chair and sitting down. I hazily stared at the scrambled eggs and toast placed on the table in front of me. I didn’t have an appetite.

-Don’t you want eggs, [y/n]?- she concernedly asked with furrowed brows.

-Mom, I don't think last night was a dream...- I started, my eyes still set on the plate. She put her silverware on the table and quietly looked at me for a moment.

-Why would you say that, [y/n]? I know you were scared, but honey, you told me that the radio talked to you, and that a clown attacked you. Those things didn’t happen, it wasn’t real. Trust me. I think I would’ve seen a clown in your room...- she replied with a light-hearted tone, speaking like it was all just a joke.  _ A sick fucking joke. _ She took my hand and gave it a light squeeze, pulling me from the trance I hadn’t realized I’ve fallen into.

-Mom, no! It was real! I’ve got bruises!-I muttered quietly. I gave her a stone look before pulling my hand from her grasp to lift my shirt up. Her hand gingerly traces the bruises, her face without any readable expression. It wasn’t the first time she’s seen me with bruises, but these ones didn’t have a face to blame.  _ Or so she thinks _ . She pulled her hand away, pulled my shirt into place, and gave me a little smile.

\- [y/n], I think you were maybe sleepwalking when you had that nightmare and hit something. You were screaming, and maybe without realizing it, you hurt yourself.-

-But....- I tried to talk, but she interrupted me.

\- [y/n], please. I know that when you see bruises you think of the worst, but that will never happen again, ok? I already told you, this is gonna take a while to adjust, but we’re miles from danger...-

I gaped at her, her eyes showed an unreadable sadness, and her voice faded to a quiet and reassuring hum. I simply nodded my head in response.  _ She’s already been through enough, and maybe I’m making things harder for her with this stupid clown.  _

-You’re right, mom. I’m sorry...maybe I over exaggerated,- I remarked, and she smiles back at me before she continued eating. I grabbed the fork and glanced at her for another moment.  _ Maybe she  _ _ was _ _ right. Maybe it was just a dream. Maybe I shouldn't bother her with this stuff, anymore.  _

We finished eating in comfortable silence, and my mom grabbed the plates and started rinsing them in the sink. She suddenly stopped and looks at me over her shoulder with a beaming smile.

\- [y/n]! I totally forgot! I got a surprise for you!- she chimed excitedly.

-What kind of surprise?-

-Well, this morning, while you were asleep, I went out to buy groceries, but when I came back, I saw a yard sale at one one the houses nearby. I stopped by for a moment to see if they were selling anything interesting, and to meet some neighbors as well….-

-So, did you get anything interesting?- I questioned with intrigue. Her smile became bigger.

-Come on, I left it outside,- she started walking to the door with me following behind. Once we’re outside, I look over to see a bicycle. It wasn’t brand new, that was for sure, but it’s in really good shape. It’s dark red in color, and the paint was still shiny for the most part, minus the chipped paint in some places.

-So, what do you think? It’s not new, but it’ll get you places, and since this town isn't that big, maybe this will give you more independence,- she explained from behind. I turned around hugged her.

-Thanks, mom. I love it! In fact, can I give a ride around town later?- I asked. I haven’t really seen anything except for the streets to get here.

-Of course! You've always liked to explore when you were little. Just be careful, alright, sweetheart?-

\- I’ll be fine, mom. I won’t get in trouble. Maybe I’ll even make some new friends?- she nodded joyfully before going back in the house.

It was around 3pm when I took the bicycle and started rolling. I tried to read the street name to remember where I live as I rode by.  _ Remember, [y/n]. At the end of Witchham Street. Your house is cream and blue. _ I repeated this over and over in my head.  _ I don’t want to forget where I live! If I get lost, I’ll just ask where Witchham Street is. _

The day was bright, there were a few cluster of clouds, but it was still a warm day. After a passing a bunch of houses, I see ‘Derry’s Elementary School’.  _ So this is where I’ll be going. Looks nice, kinda creepy when it’s empty. _ There was people in the street, some talking, some sitting in benches, but nobody seemed to care or notice me riding by, even if this a small town and everybody is supposed to know all of people who live here. 

I make it to the Public Library, and I put the bike someplace near the entrance, and place the chain lock to keep it safe. The library was big. For a town so small, they sure like to read. It had everything, from history books to science fiction. I stay for a while, checking every section, mentally memorizing some books I will want to borrow later on. In the history section they even got an entire section just for Derry, Maine. It contained books, articles, magazines, and photos. I traced my fingers over the indents of the letters in the spine of ‘Derry’s Habitants Public Record’. I pull it out to take a peek; there were maybe 5 or 6 books with the same name, but with different dates. It looks like they stopped documenting the residents at some point because there wasn't any volumes for the past 20 years. I grabbed the oldest one.  _ Who knows what kind of people lived here? _

-May I help you?- a voice took my attention away from the book. There was an old lady smiling at me, but there was no happiness in it. She kept staring at me, her eyes looking between me and the book. -Are you interested in Derry’s history?- she asked while tilting her head curiously. I looked back at the book  in my hands and put it in his place.

-I was just looking,- I replied. Her smile unnerved me greatly.  _ I don’t know why, but she gives me the creeps. _

-Why would a young person be looking at such old books? The romance area is that way. We even have comic books if you like,- she explains coldly. I nodded, walking forward, but she stayed there for a few seconds before moving.

-No thank you...I should get going,- I shrugged off her offer with a smile. She looked at me and then the clock before nodding.

-Yes, it would seem that way. Take care,- she said before entering another part of the history section and disappearing from sight.

I opened the library door with force, and unlocked the chain from my bike. I started riding without looking at the town, all I could think about is that weird old lady.  _ So what if I want to look at an old history book? It’s a public library for a reason, dammit. It’s not like I was gonna steal it... Hell, that shit was probably just a bunch of names and birth dates. What could I find that’s even remotely interesting in there? Maybe I would’ve just opened it and took a glance, nothing more. For all I know, that book was probably just a facade, and inside was a treasure map. All I know is that I want to read it now more than ever. _

I ended up in the ‘Bassey Park’ entrance. I glanced up at the sky, the day was getting darker, but I’ve still got plenty of daylight to walk in the park for a while. I got off my bike so I could walk around, and I leave it next to a tree near the park’s entrance. There was family and a lot of other people still around. I don't think someone would steal my bike in front of other people, so locking it wasn't necessary. I started walking, the park had some clean-cut grass areas with benches and tables, as well as a woodsy area and even a bridge.

I walk around the park for a while, and once I reached an area where there was no one around, I decided to backtrack. It was getting dark now, and I didn’t bring my watch, so there was no way to know the time. As I approached the area that was full of people, I realized that it’s completely empty. All of those families and other people roaming about were all gone now. The park was filled with dead silence, except for the sound of insects, the grass under my feet, and the flowing water under the bridge. I watched the bridge from afar, and since my bike was nearby, I decided to check the bridge before getting out of here.

I change directions, and pivoting my route straight towards the bridge now. The sound of the water became louder as I approached the bridge. I also noticed how big this bridge really is as I stood beside it. The structure was more like a tunnel that covered the rippled metal plates like a farm. I walk to the opening below to get a better look inside the tunnel, and all I can hear and feel is strong gusts of wind blowing through it. I examined the inside of the tunnel, and found that all of the walls were covered with names, most of them coupled inside hearts.

I was abruptly interrupted when I was hit by something soft. I turned around, slightly annoyed, only to come face to face with a red balloon. Then there’s more coming up from behind it, seemingly out of nowhere. There were too many to count, and they all blocked the light at each end of the tunnel. I started backtracking to where I came from, but they seemed to start following me. They were not moving in a natural way like how the wind would push them, but slowly, like they were attached to a string that someone was holding. I became too distracted by the balloons because when I heard a twig snap behind me, I froze in my spot, suddenly more aware and alert.  _ Fuck. Not again. _

I wearily looked over my shoulder to see that Pennywise stood at the end of the tunnel. He had the same kind of balloon attached to a string in his grip, and he had that same stupid fucking smile plastered on his face as he did before.

\- [y/n], you shouldn’t be here at this hour. Did nobody tell you that monsters come out at night in this place?- he asked me in a naive tone, taking a few small steps towards me.

I wanted to scream, to run away, but I was frozen in place, and he just continued to come closer.

-The kissing bridge. Appropriate choice, don’t you think, [y/n]?- he asked with a head tilt. He rolled my name painfully slow on his tongue as he spoke.

He took one step, then another, and soon enough, he was only inches in front of me. He didn’t take another step, but he lifted his hand to my face and I squeezed my eyes shut.  _ I’m gonna die. Oh, god. Oh, fuck.  _ The searing pain I imagined never came, but instead, I just felt a human hand gingerly holding my cheek. It was so subtle that if I wasn’t well aware that hand belonged to scary fucking clown, I would think it was just a regular person that’s holding me with sentiment and care. His hand continued to caress my face until I realized that he was wiping away my tears. For a tiny fraction of a second, the hand felt familiar, like I was remembering something hidden behind a curtain with that touch. However, the moment was soon forgotten as he spoke again.

-That smell...Ooh, you have no idea how much I’m holding back right now...you don’t know how much I want to rip your throat out, right now…- he whispered, punctuating his sentence with a bone chilling giggle that would sound child-like from anyone else. My eyes opened, like my soul finally stepped back in my skin, and I took back control of my body again. I shoved him, which didn’t seem to faze him at all, but I still managed to run away. I ran out of the tunnel as fast as I could.  _ It’s night time already? _ I couldn’t see much, but there’s no way in fucking hell that I’m slowing down now.

I smiled profusely as I caught a glimpse of my bike, sending victorious pumps of adrenaline in my blood that made me run faster. I grabbed my bike, still running as I struggle to mount the bike in motion, and refusing to look back. I finally get on the bike sloppily, and start pedalling with as much force, if not more, to get the hell out of dodge. I let another relieved smile stretch out on my cheeks as I approach streetlights.  _ I’m safe. Well, not completely, but who cares. There’s people here. That’s all that matters. Thank god! _

After a while, I look behind me, staring for maybe a little too long to be considered safe.  _ I don’t see him following me. Perfect _ \--- I suddenly flip over my bike, falling on the pavement and roughly rolling over with a groan. The hit wasn’t too bad, but it still caused my entire body to throb a little. I let out an awkward breath filled with relief when I realized that what I hit was just a normal woman and not an over sized clown. My relief quickly dwindled down as the woman glares at me, completely enraged.

-WHAT ARE YOU DOING OUT HERE, IT’S PAST THE CURFEW!- she screamed.

-What? What curfew?- I asked dumbly. _ I have no idea what the fuck you’re talking about, lady. _ She grabbed my elbow and harshly pulled me up to my feet.  _ Ow. _

-Stupid Kid! Come with me! We’re going to the station this instant!- she said while dragging me forward.  _ Ouch. _

-What...what station? Let go of me!- I cried out in confusion and pain, trying to pull my arm back from the crazy woman.

-You’re in  _ big _ trouble! We’re going to the police station to call your parents. They’re probably worried  _ sick  _ about you!-

-For what? Look, miss, I’m sorry that I ran you over with my bike, but I did nothing wrong.-

-Yes you did….-

-SHERRYL!- A mean screamed from the other side of the street. He stormed his way over to us as he continued. -Leave it alone. Can’t you see she doesn’t understand what you’re saying?-

-But, Jack!- she persisted.

-I’m the police officer here, Sherryl. I know what to do. Now leave it be, I’ll handle this.- he explained sternly. She glanced at me before letting me go, muttering something incoherently under her breath. The officer’s eyes meet mine, and he gave me a warm smile.

-Where do you live? I’ll give you a ride home and talk with your parents. Don’t worry, you’re not in trouble...there’s just a few things you and your folks need to know…-

I held eye contact with him as I wearily nodded my head. I casted my gaze to the road as he lead me toward his car.  _ Mom’s gonna freak out when she sees me coming home with the police… _

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ I'd like to thank PeblezQ for being my amazing Editor and Beta Reader! ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

The ride wasn’t long, but the air was thick and awkward. The police officer just asked me where I lived and nothing else. He was looking straight ahead with one hand gripping the steering wheel tightly. We parked outside the house, and the officer opened my door and waited for me to come out. He put his hand on my back and pushed me forward with a light shove. Once we were outside the door, he knocked several times. After a minute, mom opened the door while looking behind her towards the kitchen.

\- [y/n], I thought you had keys. Why are you....- once she turned and looked at us, she became quiet, looking between the officer and me.

-It’s everything ok?- she asked with her tone filled with more worry than disappointment.

-May I speak with you for a minute, ma’am?- the officer asked, letting himself in the house as he took his hat off.

-Yeah, of course,- she said, pointing at the couch in the living room. The officer walked by and grabbed a chair, placing it in front of the couch before sitting down and gesturing for us to sit.

-You two are new here, right?- he asked, and my mom nodded firmly.

\- I thought so... You see, ma’am, Derry has a curfew for kids and teenagers. After 7PM, no kids should be on the street at all costs,- he explained, and my mother and I glanced at each other before looking back at the officer. -Since I know you’re new, I’m gonna leave y'all off with a warning, but- he paused, looking at me, -if I find you wandering in the streets after seven, I won’t be so kind the next time.-

He stood up without letting us ask any questions. H firmly nodded his head before placing his hat on again and saying goodbye before opening the door and leaving. I looked at my mom; she was staring at the door, deep in thought.

-I didn’t know about the curfew, mom. I’m sorry.- 

The last thing my mother needs is any worries. I can’t imagine what she felt like when the officer was at the front door with me tonight. She quickly turned her head and gave me a reassuring smile.

-No, honey, it wasn’t your fault! I didn’t know about it either, but you need to be more careful. Maybe be at home by 6:30. I’m not gonna have you locked up in here, but maybe they have a curfew for a reason. Who knows how many other rules do they have?- she said, asking more to herself than me. She gave me a kiss on the forehead. -Go to sleep, honey. I think this day’s been long enough.-

I opened the door for my room. It was still like I left it last night. I came close to the window, pulling the curtains over them and checking if the window’s still locked before staring at the silhouettes of the trees behind the house. I pull out some PJ’s and head to the bathroom. The room was a mess with sheets and blankets unfolded across the floor. I put my clothes down to remove the blankets, and I step on something sharp.

-Fuck, shit, shit,- I said while sitting on the floor, touching my foot and rubbing it. I yank the blanket, and notice that there was a wooden box about the size of my hand. I grabbed it and examined it, It had wonderful details of a few sunflowers hand painted on to the wood. Whoever made this must’ve taken a lot of time on it. Maybe mom got this with my new bike at that yard sale and forgot it was on the floor. She knows that I love sunflowers, so maybe that’s why she picked it up. I flipped the box over, trying to read the scratched out words on the bottom of the box. It looked like chicken scratch; whoever wrote it did not write it elegantly at all. I think it said something like, ‘I’ve loved you since forever ago…’ I flipped the box over and opened it. The inside was coated in red velvet and the lid had little mirrors inside of it. There was a little chrome carousel in the centre of the box, and there was a key on the side. I gave it a few turns, and it immediately started playing a song.

My eyes started welling with tear, and I wiped them, not really knowing why I started crying. I think I’ve heard this song before, but I can’t pinpoint where I’ve heard it before. I close the music box, letting my fingers sit and trace the sunflowers painted on the box. I place it on the counter beside my clothes and turn on the hot water. I shut and lock the door before stripping my clothes and stepping into the steamy shower. I felt every muscle relax as the water rolled down my bruised skin. I allowed myself to forget about everything for a while, and just let the shower take me in.

I stepped out after a while, and dried off. I threw on my clothes, brushed my teeth, and headed out of the bathroom. I stopped in my tracks, and turned around, leaning in the bathroom to grab the music box off of the counter. I enter my room, sliding under the covers and placing the music box on my nightstand. I stare at it as I snuggle into my pillow, feeling myself crack a smile. I wish I could find myself a person like the one who made something so beautiful for the person they loved.


	5. Chapter 5

_-Here, it looks good on you, see? Now try again- a soft voice said, laughs eco all around -See,works like magic, I think from now on I'm not going to be the only laugh you hear-_

I sit down at the table in the kitchen, still in my pajamas. I can’t remember what the dream was about, but I knew it was a good one for some reason. My mom walks in, she was dressed in a more professional attire, she caress the back of my head and grab a mug before pouring coffee, she took a sip and leans against the counter.

-So- she simple said.

-Sooo?-

-Soooo- she said mocking my tone- I start to work today. I know, I know! Is too fast, we literally came here a few days ago, but I got the call yesterday and turn out that at least someone in this place likes so much my resume or maybe they just have a short staff, but they hire me without an interview-

-That’s great mom, why are you telling me like is a bad thing?-

-It turn out that the job is far, about and hour away, outside the town-

-Are you scared you gonna go broke with all the gas you have to pay?- I said with a joke, she puts her mug down.

-Yes, but that’s not my first concern. The break is almost over, and your going to a new school, I probably won’t be here when you arrive, we’ll be not seeing each other as much-

I nod -I know mom, I'll be worry for you as well, but don’t worry, i’ll be fine, just need to be here before the curfew and have one slice a pizza a day-

-Hey-

-Ok,ok two slices a week and no more-.

After a while I waved goodbye. Once I closed the door the house felt to quiet and big, she was right, I was starting school soon, luckily my old school send the paperwork and I could start soon......in the middle of april...great, people sure will love a new kid.

I look from the living room window, the front house was bigger, and the exterior was more neat looking, the street was empty except from passing cars from time to time, it had rain in the dawn, because the grass had morning dew and the water runs to the gutter towards the sew.....

**OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE**

How can a fucking clown that size can fit the sewer, but there he was, looking straight at me and fucking waving. I didn’t know to feel afraid and maybe a little impressed for how far he can become a pain in the ass.

I flung the entrance door and walk out towards the sewer. He didn’t make a move. I crouch keeping my distance and stare at him.

-Not so afraid anymore?- he ask with sarcasm.

-I’m scared shitless but i’m not gonna coward by you- His smile became bigger, like he was enjoying every word.

-Oh, I know you are not a coward [y/n], still plucky and fierce always a fighter- his smile disappear in and instant - but in the end you always loose the fight isn’t right [y/n]? Over and over again. You trust people to much-

His hand flung and grab my ankle, yanking me so i could loose my balance and fell concrete to ass, he started to pull.

-Trust will get you nowhere- another pull -Remember what it did the first time?- Another one. One more pull and I’ll be going down with him. I put other foot next to sewer so I could push back.

-Stop, fuck please, I don’t know what you are talking about. Leave me alone- I push back, his grip lessened and I yank back my leg only to flung it right back at his face, shoes hitting face. I was going to go for another, but something took me by surprise. He had cover one side of the face with his hand, and he was laughing, not his creepy like giggle nor his booming clown laugh, it was more quiet, subtle and human, almost like he was really laughing and not just try to scared me.

-You will never change [y/n]- He said removing his hand from his face. The side I kick was mush, like when you step the face of a rubber baby doll, shoe print and everything. The iris of his eye was where it definitely wasn’t suppose to be, he look, he look.....fucking stupid.

I know that it suppose to be scary, and that I definitely should have run but without realizing, I let out a snicker that soon became a quiet laugh. I cover my mouth with the back of my hand, when I glance at him once more he was back to normal. His eyes wide in shock and his mouth only leaving a small gap between his lips leaving his bunny like tooth exposed, he almost looks like a surprised child, he slowly back away. I could see a small flash of sadness in his eyes, and before i know it, he was gone.

A car horn startled me, then I realized that I been staring at the empty sewer for a while. I get up and as soon as I close the front door I realize what I just did. **I laughed at him**. What in the hell would I do that?!.

_-It seems that you are the only one laughing-_

_-I just love your act-_

What going on, voices fill my head, it hurts. I close my eyes shut.

_-Come on, follow me-_

STOP

_-If you give me one more balloon i might float away-_

STOP IT

_-I have something for you-_

-PLEASE STOP- I scream, the voices stop. I open the door and grab the bike, I start moving, somewhere, anywhere.

After a while my legs where screaming for me to stop, I see the giant sign of a movie theater. I came down my bike and start to push it at one side, they had a few movies, but I realize that I didn’t carry any money, how smart.

When I turn around my bike hit someone, I look too see a boy my age

-Hey watch where your going, I almost drop my medicine- He was small, dark hair and light skin, he was wearing a fanny pack or maybe two? Three more boys came out from the door, a boy with big glasses help him out.

-What happen Eddie, did your mom pack your purses to heavy?-

-Shut up Richie, and these are not purses they are fanny packs for convinial travel-

-It was my fault, I’m sorry- I said, all four boys look at me, then each other, then back at me.

-I’m sorry, who the hell are you?- Richie said, a tall boy nudge him at the side.

-I’m-m-m sorry about Ri-richie, he’s a-an ass- He said

-It’s ok, I’m [y/n]. I moved here recently- All four boys nod before introducing themselves.

-I’m-m Bill, nice to might ya- The tall one said. He had blue eyes and a long neck, his brown hair set to one side.

-I’m Eddie- Said the boy that I hit with my bicycle -And don’t worry, I’m ok, you didn't hit me with the rusted part, so no tetanus shot for me-

-Hi, I’m Richie- He look small compare to his glasses and by the looks of it the more mouthfull, already like him.

-and I’m Stanley- Said the quiet one, he was dress more elegant, his curly hair set freelybut he tried to make it look neat.

-Nice to meet you guys- I said with a smile.


	6. Chapter 6

I started walking with them and after a while of talking we stop at a plaza. It had a playground and even a stage for I’m assuming concerts and stuff like that, right now it was only kids running around.

-You gonna go to school with us?- Stanley voice make me turn and look at the group, they all look at me waiting.

-Yeah I start as soon as the break is over- I replied.

-Can you stay at home?-Richie said fixing his glasses.

-Ri-richie!- Bill said hitting him on the shoulder.

-What?! Don’t take it wrong [y/n] but you’re going to start class in the middle of  
April. I mean come on. Bowers is going to kill you, and it’s just a few months away from summer vacation- 

-Who’s Bowers?-

-He’s an asshole, that’s what he is- Eddie said and everyone nod along.

-Look, I know that is going to be hard, people like to fuck with me because I’m the new kid that came not even in the beginning of the year, but I’m not going to stay in my house just because some asshole or whoever is going to treat me like a shit, fuck them-

They all stay quiet before looking at each other, even Richie didn’t say anything witty.

-Y-You could hang out wi-with us, i-f-f you like- Bill said.

-I don’t know you guys, i’m just going to make things harder for you, what if they see me hanging out with you and they start messing with you guys as well?- They all started laughing hard. I look at them with my brow furrow.

-Don’t worry [y/n], Bowers, his gang and pretty much everyone mess with us already, we’re just a bunch of losers- Eddie responds

-Yeah, [y/n], think of us as a club of losers, so don’t be a little shit and say yes to this wonderful and sad offer to hang with us- Richie adds

-And that way you won’t feel like the new kid, at least not with us- Stanley said with a smile

-S-so what do yo-you sa-say [y/n]?- lastly Bill ask.

I look at them, I have never knew people like them, so united and willing to open up to new people so fast. I smile and nod my head.

-Welcome to The Losers Club, [y/n]- Richie said before patting my back a little to hard -Now, who wants to do something stupid- He pick up his bike, Bill followed, Stanley and Eddie stood there for a moment before moving as well.

-Oh man, Richie! One day I’m going to day because of you!-Eddie scream piking up his bike.

-No Ed, you probably will die if your mommy doesn’t give you a goodbye kiss- Richie said while making kissing noises -Move your ass, you too new loser- he said to me.

We spend the day talking and doing stuff once it was late enough, and Eddie almost had a asthma attack just by thinking be outside after the curfew, we all went home, turn out that Bill live in the same street so he walk we me.

-Thank you guys for today, I never had friends like you guys-

-L-lo-losers?- He said.

-No, true friends, i can see how you guys care for each other- He smile at me and lower his head a little.

-We h-have too-o, plus they a-are like family to me-e- he said with melancholy. I look at him, his eyes where shiny like he was going to cry.

-Bill? Are you ok?- He took a moment before looking at me, he nods but I could see his eye water and his nose red, he was trying so hard not to cry.

-Ye-yeah I just...- He grew quiet and clean the tears that rolled down his check.

-Just what? I know that you just meet me, but if you want you can tell me- nobody said anything for a while, i took it like the didn’t want to tell me which I perfectly understood.

-I miss Ge-Georgie- he suddenly said.

-Who’s Georgie?-

-My brother he-he went mi-missing a fe-few mo-months a-ago-

I look at him, just thinking about the pain of losing his brother is thought I can’t understand what he’s feeling. I hug him, it was short, just a few moment but it seems to calm him a little.

-Maybe they will find him, be hopeful-

-I wa-want to, I-I am, but som-some times its hard, they s-say he fe-fell in the sewer-

I could fell a pit in my stomach after those word, the sewers?

-How old wa...is he?- I ask.

-Six, why?-Bill ask intrigued

-No no reason- I answer fast, god, he was just a child. I could feel a pang in my heart, how could a poor kid fell in the sewer, he must have tried to look something and slip or

**No.**

**He didn’t.**

The pain in my ankle tell me someone could have drag him, but that couldn't be it, right? I thought that maybe I was the only one, THAT BAST.........

-[y/n]?- Bill ask me bringing me back from my though

-What?!- I ask too harsh.

-A-are you o-ok?-

-Have you seen a clown?- I ask, Bill gonna think I’m crazy but it’s worth a shot.

-A-a Clown?, li-like in party-ys?- he said, no, more like a creepy clown, toothy smile, glowing eyes, might kill people?. Can’t say that, definitively can’t, plus he clearly hasn’t seen him before, so maybe I’m over thinking stuff. Whoever this Pennywise is, this town doesn’t see him much.

-This i-is my house- Bill said stopping. I hug him one last time before saying goodbye, I see him walk in the front door before start walking. once I am at my yard I leave the bike, I look at the empty sewer before going inside. I wait for mom to say hello but then I remember.

-Right, just me- I walk to the kitchen and open the fridge, some fruit, frozen veggies and ha! Jackpot! Leftover pizza.

I grabbed a slice and place it in a plate and then the microwave for a minute, a door slam closing itself making me jump. I don’t move, I could hear the music box that was in my room start to play. I walk over to the hallway, once I reached the front of my door I pressed the ear into it so I could hear anything. The springs of the bed creaked like when someone sit down. I put my hand in the handle and try to open the door, but it wouldn’t budge, the music stop and I could hear bells jingle. I pressed my body again, my ear against the wood and one hand lightly touching it. I couldn’t hear breathing, of shoes against the floor.

-[Y/n]! Honey, I’m home- I turn to see mom arriving home, she looks at me and smile -What are you doing in standing in the hallway- she ask while dropping her keys and removing her ponytail.

-The door- I turn. My door was wide open, inside the window was open allowing a strong wind to enter, some papers were on the floor. I look at the night stand, the music box was on the floor, lid open, I enter to pick it up it check if something was broken but it was perfect. I place it again where it belongs, it seems that the wind make a mess in the room, I hurry and close it, covering it with the curtain.

I pick up the papers and stuff that are out of place, once I finished I knock on mom’s door, she peeked out from the bathroom door, her mouth full of toothpaste foam.

-How did it go?- I ask sitting in her bed.

-Gooh ah lotf off hork, u?- I barely understood that with her toothbrush in her mouth.

-Good, I meet new friends today- Her eyes beamed and she enter the bathroom once more, once she rinse her mouth she turn to me.

-That great sweetheart!! who are them, where did you meet them, are they good, if they offer you drugs you know you run right-

-Mom mom relax, they didn’t offered me drugs, they are pretty cool actually- I said giving a little smile, they are cool for me at least.

-I’m so glad honey, are you exited to go to school now?-

-Yeah, if they are with me I don’t think this is going to be so bad-

-Then it’s time for bed, you will need all your energy for school- She said that, but I could see bags under her eyes, and she has yawn more than once talking to me, she’s the one that need rest. I hug her and say goodnight while closing her door, I stay for a while watching tv and eating the reheated now cold pizza that I abandon in the microwave, once I start yawning as well and get everything done for the night I close my eyes and snuggle in bed, thinking in the boys one last time before falling asleep.

**Wait**

I didn’t leave the window open when i left.


	7. Chapter 7

It was the first day of school, for me at least. It’s funny I’m just going to be there just a few months before the actual school year ends, I guess I’ll be meeting The Losers in school. Mom leaved early so I didn’t see her, she left me breakfast ready with a note on top _‘Happy school day honey! Study hard and stay out of trouble, I left you some money for emergency, and no, games and food are not an emergency, love you!’_ I laugh, once I finished breakfast I grab my bag and head out.

The day was sunny and now I could see a lot more people, some group of kids walking together and some parents walking with his little kids. I pedal trough the streets, I past Bill’s house but he’s probably already in school. I was almost near school when someone scream from afar.

-Where are you slut?!- I stop and turn around. A group of girls where just a block behind me, they where surroundings a girl while she walk, someone push her and another grab her bag walked until she reached the woods and trow it as hard as she could, the girl didn’t make a move.

-What is it bitch, aren’t you going to fetch the bag? Or your legs are to tired from being on your knees- A girl with a ponytail and overalls said while simulating a blowjob. The girl was quiet, but sure as hell I wasn’t, _so much for staying out of trouble_.

-For a girl calling the other a slut you do give very good fake blowjob.- I said once I was close enough. All the girls stop to look at me, the ponytail girl quirk an eyebrow.

-Who the fuck are you?-

-I’m [y/n], I just move here- I answer sweetly, the girl grew quiet until she started laughing, she turn her eyes to the girl.

-Oh my god, there can’t be someone new in this town before you fucked them, lets go girls,- She said moving, hitting my shoulder as she pass next to me. She stops for a second -Next time [y/n] I won’t be so kind. Oh, and you might want to check for aids.- They all chuckle once more before leaving. I came close to the girl, she has bright red hair tie in a low ponytail and a cream dress with little black flowers.

-Are you ok? I’m sorry I wan't my idea to make it worse.- Her eyes rise to meet mine before smiling.

-No, you didn’t make it worse, actually thank you for standing up to me. I’m Beverly, Beverly Marsh- She rise her hand so I grab it gently.

-I’m [y/n], nice to meet you Bev- I said looking at her before remembering what happen to her backpack. -Wait here, let me grab your pack- I started walking towards the woods.

-No, no that’s not neces...-

-Already doing it Bev, don’t worry- I flash a smile before entering the woods. Looking up I realize to see that you couldn’t actually see the sky from the ground, just a few glimpses when the wind blow so the sunshine was caught off leaving dark spots on the ground. Where the hell did they throw that bag?.

Something shined in a tree and I look up to see the backpack in one of the branches. Fuck! How I’m suppose to grab that, maybe a broken branch on the ground is long enough. I grab the longest one I could find and pushed up so it would hit the bag, it rock back and ford but it wouldn’t fall.

-Need some help?- A voice said next to me, it was small boy looking at the backpack. He was around five years old, soft baby voice and a cute smile. Why would a child be alone in the woods?.

-No it’s ok, I got it- I replied smiling to him. I returned my view to the backpack just to see the boy already in the branch.

-What the hell are you doing?! It’s dangerous, you could hurt yourself!- I shout, in one move he push the backpack out of the tree, flopping on the ground. I pick it up and look up -Do you need some help getting downnnn?- _where is he?!_

-No thank you- He said behind me, he just smiling and snickering, maybe at my shock face. That kid could climb a tree faster than anyone.

-Well, thank you for helping me with the bag, do you want to walk with me? I could take you to school- I ask, he just shake is head in a no motion.

-No thank you, floating is faster, here- He came closer and grab my arm. he took my hand and stretch it with his tinny one. He then place a green apple on top.

-Um, thank you?- I said, he smile again and I could see that he was missing one baby tooth. He start to run towards the deep woods, he turn around after a few steps and wave with enthusiasm.

-Your welcome, he says happy first day in school, bye!- He said and keep on running.

-Hey, wait where are you going? Hey!!-

-[Y/n]?- I could hear Beverly’s voice near -I though that you got lost, what took you so long?- She said touching my arm with care and tried to make me move, -Come on, I know school suck but it’s going to be late- It seems that the boy just took off. I hope he’s ok, I turn to see Beverly and smile.

-Ye-yeah, sorry, let’s go- We walk out the woods onto the sidewalk once more, I give her the backpack.

-So, you are new here aren’t you?-

-Yeah, just move a few time ago-

-Why would you move to Derry? It’s a small town, hell, I wish I could leave this place.- She said slumping her shoulder. I look at the floor, I don’t want to talk about anything before coming here, she seems to pick up my mood.

-It’s ok we all have our reason for waiting a new start- Her own voice became frustrated and gloom.

-My mom and I, we, we just need someplace quiet. I just happen to see a newspaper ad about Derry’s Carnival so I show it to my mom and next thing we know, we have our bags in the car and headed to Derry, Maine- She give me a small smile and nod.

-I get it, but how old was that newspaper? I mean, I've lived here my entire life and I have never seem a carnival in this place.- I furrow my brows together. I'm pretty sure that the newspaper was from that day.

Once we reached school I could see the kids walk towards the entrance. I recognized four boys entering school, I beamed a smile and look at Beverly.

\- I have to say hello to some losers, want to come with me?- she look at me with doubt, she grabs the straps of her bag with more grip.

-No, it’s ok, maybe another time, class gonna start soon anyways-

-What? No, come. You probably already know them, and if you haven’t don’t worry, I literally know them a few days ago and they all seem like really nice guys-

-Maybe another day, nice to meet you [y/n], and thanks again for helping me today- She starts to walk. I didn’t want to push her, she seems sweet.

I open my bag and look at the green apple that the little boy gave me, it was shiny and juicy. My mouth waters by thinking in the tartness, I love green apples, especially covered in caramel, I will save it for later. Once inside school I could see the boys talking near the lockers, I froze. What if i’m bothering them? Maybe they we’re trying to be nice to me but that doesn’t mean that they want to hang with me.

-Hey [y/n]!- Richie scream as soon as he noticed me, all the boy turn and look at me, Stanley wave. -Are you waiting for someone to pick your ass up? Move it!- I laugh and move closer to them.

-We though you listen to Richie and didn’t want to come- Eddie said.

-Yeah, we almost bet on it, the loser had to kiss Eddie’s mom-

-Real mature Richie-

-Wh-what took yo soo l-long, we live in the sa-me street- Bill ask, I was going to tell them about Beverly and the kid but the bell ring and everyone in the hallway shove the way through.

-C’om guys, [y/n] will tell us later, I don’t want to be late for Science- Stanley said before we all start moving.

-Actually guys, I need to know what my classes are, i’ll see you in a bit- I said pausing, Bill turn his head and smile.

-O-ok, see you in a bit-

-If Principal Stuart act like an ass it’s probably because he didn’t get a change to touch his wiener this morning, so don’t think is because of you- I could hear Richie said before entering a classroom.

Soon the hallway was empty, maybe I should have ask them where the office is, dammit, now I have to wander around. I pass some classrooms along the way, you could hear the teacher talk or maybe the classroom laughing, maybe that’s where Richie is, knowing him, he probably answer back at the teachers, I could almost hear Eddie try to shut him off before he get into trouble and Stanley rolling his eyes, I smile inwardly, it feel like I already know them and how they act.

Turning left I could see a door right in the center ‘Principal’ it says in the tainted glass of the door. I knock once, but there was no response, maybe I just should go in. He’s the Principal he can’t be doing anything bad, maybe just touching his wiener like Richie said. I just step in, if his busy i’ll apologize and wait outside.

I open the door with my face and eyes looking to the floor, just in case he’s doing something.

-I’m sorry if I’m interrupting something Mr.Stuart. My name’s [y/n], I new and I just need my schedule.....-  I look up. It was a classroom, a classroom full of kids. The walls were painted with animals and balloons, at the top, the alphabet was written, each letter with a matching word next to it. I stop dead track, they all were quiet and looking at me.

-I’m sorry, i’ll get out off here- I said

-Wait!- one child yell, I stop my movements and look down.

-Why do you want to leave teacher?- Said one girl in the front, she was missing her front tooth.

-I’m not your teacher, I’m not suppose to be here.-

-Of course you are silly, you’re [Y/n]!-

-Wait what, how do you know that?-

-It says it there!- Said one kid pointing, the rest following and doing the same, and turn around, the chalk board was full of writing, they all said the same but every writing style was different ‘WELCOME BACK [Y/N]’ little hearts cover the rest off the black spaces.

-Why don’t we sing their favorite song?- I heard a kid talk. I keep staring at the board, suddenly all the kids started singing in unison.

_Oranges and lemons, Say the bells of St. Clement's._

_You owe me five farthings, Say the bells of St. Martin's._

I turned around to see them, my heart stop at the sight. Just in the middle of the class Pennywise was sitting in a desk and singing along with the tune, no kid seemed disturbed, some even look at him and smile while singing. I run towards the door, trying to open it yet it would not give in.

_When will you pay me? Say the bells of Old Bailey._

_When I grow rich, Say the bells of Shoreditch._

I look again to see if that bastard move, he was still sitting, just that he wasn’t singing anymore, he was just staring and smiling at me.

_When will that be? Say the bells of Stepney._

_I'm sure I don't know, Says the great bell at Bow._

The kid’s voices started to sound like screams, their skins tarted to bubble and become deep red. I gave a piercing cry, their smiles vanished they were just creaming the song. I tarted to slam the door. Why won’t this goddamn door open?! I could smell burning skin and hair they look like they we’re getting on fire without the actual fire.

_Here comes a candle to light you to bed_

_Here comes a chopper to chop off your head._

**CHIP   CHOP   CHIP   CHOP   THE LAST   MAN’S   HEAD**

**** By now the smell was unbearable, between the screamed song I could hear some sobs, by know I pain was numbing my arm but I not going to stop, Open. _**SLAM**_  This. ** _SLAM_**  God. _ **SLAM**_  Damn. _**SLAM**_ Door. **__SLAM__ _ ** _._**_**

\- JUST OPEN THE DOOR PENNYWISE!- I scream grabbing my last strength and pushing my whole body towards the door, it simple open before my body hit the wood, sending me outside the classroom and into the floor.

-What on earth is going on?!!- I look up to see a woman looking at me with her arms entwined in her stomach, she came close and grab me by my arm before yanking me up from the floor.

-The-the-the classroom,- I said pointing at the door -The kids, their flesh,- Her eyebrow almost reached her hairline, she let’s me go and walk to the door.

-Do you mean the janitor’s closet?- She said while opening the door. I expected the classroom but the only thing that came in view was mops and brooms.-Are you doing drugs?- She ask while closing the door. I shake my head while still looking at the door, she stared at me from head to toe before huffing -Follow me- and with that she started moving.

I ended up in the real Principal office, we talk, in the end I told him that I someone lock me in the closet and I got scared, he give me a talk and a warning to be more careful. He walked with me until we reach a door, after knocking, he enters. I stay out until he signals me to come in, I hesitated but once inside I could see Bill, Richie and Eddie’s faces beaming up to me.

-Class this is [y/n], be nice- And with that he walk out, everyone seems to look at me. I look at Bill pointing at a open desk in front of him, I smile at the teacher before walking towards the desk and taking my sit the teacher continue talking.

-Holy shit did you walk through Mordor to get here?- Richie murmurs next to me.

-Richie, shut up- Eddie said annoyed.

I could feel Bill hand in my shoulder for a moment I turn to look at him, he give me a little smile before returning his gaze to his notebook.

I look at the teacher and start to focus on what his saying, trying not to notice the tremble in my body.


	8. Chapter 8

It’s been a few days since i started school, most people ignore me but they were a few that would come to me to talk nicely and some not so nicely, every time, one of the boys came and drag me from the conversation, they say that things weren’t going nicely, turns out we have almost all of our classes together, in the ones that i do not shared with them Beverly was there, we sit together and talk, i notice people look at me with more disgust when i’m with her, fuck them, she was awesome.

 I haven’t seen that shitty clown since what happen in the classroom, but i couldn’t help to feel watch once i said goodbye’s to Bill and walked towards my own house, i knew it could be my paranoia but i was pretty sure it was him, he actually didn’t do anything, i was glad, but something didn’t quite add up.

 The school bell ring and i look up to see everyone in class start to get out as fast as they can, it was Friday so everyone was already ready for the weekend, i was so caught up thoughts that it took me moment to realize that Richie, Bill and Eddie were standing next to the door, Stanley was in another class.

 - [y/n] hellooo?- said Richie waving his hand -did your brain melt trying to understand math or what?!- i put down my pen down and look at my notebook, i’ve been doodling balloons all over the page unconsciously, i close it and put it in my bag.

 -Coming! Yesh Richie it’s not like you understand math more than me, i saw you looking like the teacher was explaining how having sex with your dad works- i said while joining them, Bill laugh and Eddie snicker, once outside in the hallway Stanley join us.

 -What so funny?- he ask looking at Bill.

-I thi-think [y/n] just beat Ri-Richie in com-comebacks- Stanley smile and starts talking about his class, i feel a pull in my back making me land on the solid concrete, i look to see a group of jerks surrounding me, the guys told me who Bowers and his gang was and what they do to people, i saw them a few times but thank god they just seem to ignore our group, Stan told me that it was because of what happen to Bill’s brother, but that doesn’t mean that if they catch you alone they won’t attack.

 - I haven’t seen you before, already with the losers i see, at least you know where you belong- Bowers said putting one knee on the ground, his hand came close to my hair, and soon enough he yank it back, grabbing it with force and making my face to look up to his.

 -Leave [y/n] alone Bowers!- i hear Eddie yell, his tone was nervous, i look to see that Bowers goonies where between us and them.

 - [y/n]? what a stupid fucking name, just like your face, maybe a scar will make you less ugly- he said pulling a knife, all the boys tried to push pass the stupid goons but they push them back with ease, i look to Bowers eyes, a mix of excitement and pleasure while bringing the knife to my cheek, he didn’t push it, just place there waiting for me to move, to test my fear, maybe he wanted to hear me plea or cry, piss myself, but i just look at him, straight to his eyes and do the first thing that comes through my mind, so i started laughing, a laugh i knew could unnerved anyone, i tried my best to replicate Pennywise laugh, that bone chilling and clown like, Bowers move back, his gaze fill with disgust and even a little fear, he push me back and stand up.

 -What the fuck? What kind of freak are you?- he pushed past everyone towards the exit and soon enough his minions follow.

 -FREAK!- i heard them calling before leaving, Richie and Stanley help me pick me up as soon as possible.

 -Are you ok?, oh my god, you’re bleeding!- Eddie said, i touch my check and fell a small cut, the blood run down my face so i wipe it off.

-It’s ok-

-Ok? There’s nothing ok [y/n]! do you know who many infection you could get, who knows where that asshole stick that knife, Jesus! You need go to the hospital-

-Relax Eddie, i’m fine- i said smiling at his worried face -i’m not going bleed to death-

-At least clean it up- He says a little more calm.

 -Where did you learn that fucking laugh, it gave me the creeps, shit you’ve scared Bowers- Richie said

-I just act, instinct of survival i guess- yeah, that and the fact that i know how fucking scary it is.

 -Just don’t do it again [y/n,] at least not in front of us- Stanley said smiling

-Le-lets get out of here g-guys- Bill said, we stay a while around town, eat some ice cream and joke around.

 -Hey you guys want to watch tomorrow The Red Scorpion movie?- Richie said, all guys cheer up.

-I was planning to go to the library tomorrow- I said

-Your such a loser [y/n], who wants to go willingly to the library when you could see action movies with us- i though for a moment, he was right, i want to spend more time with the guys.

-Ok, i’ll go tomorrow with you guys but then i should go today, i saw some books i want to check out- i said moving towards my bike.

 -You r-really need to go?- Bill ask, i nod -Then tomo-rrow at 3 at-at my house-

-Tomorrow at 3 it is then- i hop on by bike and start moving -Bye, guys!- i wave without turning.

 -Don’t forget about us tomorrow and clean that wound goddammit!- i heard Eddie yell and a few byes from the other guys.

 The ride was short, maybe a few minutes, i drop off the bike and enter the library, it was almost empty, most people doing better stuff on a Friday i guess, i walk around for a while, until reaching the History section, i look to see if the old lady was anywhere in sight, just in case she’s snooping around, no one in sight, let’s see, where is it? I look for ‘ _ _Derry’s Habitants Public Record’__ books that i saw last time, just want to find out if maybe there’s really a treasure map, i spotted two on the shelve, somebody must have grab the other ones, i look to the ones left, 1881-1908 was the oldest date’s, the other one has weird date as well, to specific, i reached to grab them when i look a hand reaching for them as well, i turn my face to see a boy, he has chubby checks and light brown hair.

 -Sorry, do you need them?- i ask gently, his checks became flush.

-No no you can grab it- he said, i smile and reached again for the books.

-Are you doing some kind of homework?-

-No, i just wanted to glance a the book for a moment- i said , his eyes sparkle in excitement.

-Trust me, if you glance even a little at this books, you might end up like me, i’m Ben, Ben Hanscom, but everyone knows me like the new kid- he started moving to one of the tables, i follow and sit down in front of him.

 -I’m [y/n], i actually move recently, which makes me the new new kid i guess- He smile at that- So what do you mean by end up like you?-

 - Nothing, this town history is just interesting- he said shyly, he looks like he was trying to hide something but i let him be, the table was full of books, i open the book of the habitants record, waiting for something out of this world, it was actually just photos, kinda like a yearbook, only that the photos we’re different, more elegant, some photos were families, some couples, some just alone.

 -Oh, that’s just the people that lived here, since weren’t any census the people just took all of the old photos and make that, not all the people that lived here in that time are in there, some people couldn’t afford for a photo back then- he said, i look up to see that he was reading, it was a Derry’s book as well, he notice my stare so he move close to me dragging the book closer.

 -This is just some of photos of important events of the history in Derry, look- he said passing the pages, some were about buildings being construct, others were holidays and parades, and some were just picknics and partys, Ben turn the next page, the photo covert almost the entire thing, in the bottom left there was just a tittle.

 -Derry’s Carnival, 1906- Read Ben and look at me- I read a little about it, the carnival was all year round for a long time, then suddenly it stop, parents thought that a lot of children were going missing, so they shut it down- i grab the book to take a closer look, some people were blurry, probably moving, in the corner you could see a some people looking at a stage, a lady was standing in front of a wooden target, knifes surround it her, next to the show a popcorn stand, some kids with balloons, a plain wooden circus bandwagon was in the back, it didn’t look like something people stop to look at, but that wasn’t where my eyes where stopping, in front of the bandwagon just one person stood, it look....

-It look just like you [y/n]- Ben said pointing at the image, he was right, it was like and older version of me, i was laughing, i was looking at someone with what look like loving gaze, whoever it was, it was covert by the people walking, the only thing that could give me a proof that i was actually smiling at someone was just a red balloon that could be seen still, above everyone that was moving.

  _ _-You will never have people knowing your talent if you don’t have a stage name to call you by, i know! how about ......-_ _

__ **_**_-Surprise! What do you think?-_ ** _ **

__ **_**_-It was funny and you know it-_ ** _ **

__ **_**_-I love ....-_ ** _ **

I stood up so fast from the chair that it hit the floor, Ben looks up to me with eyes wide i could feel my body sweaty, that’s not me, that’s not me, that voices aren’t real, that’snotmethat’snotmethat’snotmethat’snot.....

 -Are you ok?- Ben ask trying to grab my arm, i yanked off

-THAT’S NOT ME- i yell at him, he look shock for a moment.

-I’m sorry, i didn’t mean anything bad by that- He said, i look at his eyes, oh god, why did i yell at him, what’s wrong with me.

-I’m sorry Ben, it’s not your fault, i-i have to go, i hope i see you in school- i grab everything fast and walk out of there.

 I get home as fast i could, i was drenched in sweat, my legs almost give in the moment i step out from the bike, i enter the house, mom’s still not here, i drop everything and head to the bathroom, i stay there for a while, scrubbing my body until it was red.

 Once outside the shower and dress up i look at myself in the mirror, my eyes, my nose, my mouth, there was no denying how identical that person is to me, i look at the tiny scar in my cheek, i open the door of the bathroom, but instead of room i was on top of a stage, lights blinded my view so i couldn’t see beyond the end of the wooden floor.

 -AND NOW FOR THE DEADLIEST ACT ‘PENNYWISE THE DANCING CLOWN’ AND [Y/N], A ROUND OF APPLAUSE!-

 I hear people cheering and clapping, i tried to run but i could feel chains in my feet and hands, i look behind to see i was place in front a wood clown face, is mouth was open wide and the inside on the mouth painted to look like target, more clapping make me snap out and look in front of me, Pennywise was giving a slow bow to me, a large trowing knife was in his hand, fuck, before a i could even see the knife, it was already encrusted in the wood just a few inches from my head, i turn to see him, he gave a step closer and with another knife already in his hand.

One after the other, each knife coming just a tiny fraction closer to me, i stop looking at the knife, i just look straight to him.

 -What is it [y/n]? don’t like the show?- he said giggling, he was already so close, he didn’t even need to thrown the knives just stabs them in the plank of wood.

 -It’s not a very good one- my voice barely come out- he look at me with rage his eyes roaming just one part of my face, his hand came close to my check, pressing on the wound Bowers did early, it reopen i could feel a drop of blood roll down my check and into his gloved hand.

 -I can still hear that laugh, i almost didn’t believe it came from you [y/n], my sweet and stupid [y/n], for a moment i though you were going to pounce on him at kill him, oh! What a trill would have been- he said, his face came so close, his warm breath next to my check, a warm and slimy thing touch my face, tasting the little blood that came from the wound, i tried to move my head but his hand was place firmly, i could hear a low grumble in his chest.

 -Less and less afraid each time, but you still taste divine, i just should rip you to pieces now-

 -Why are you doing this?!- i sob

-It’s easy [y/n], you need to suffer, I need you to suffer, YOU need to know what IT FEELS LIKE, UNTIL THE END OF TIME- he started screaming

 -WHY??- i haven’t done anything so why?

-WHY? WHY??- he said mocking me -Don’t play stupid with me [y/n]-

 -I swear to god i don’t know anything, please Pen...-

-DON’T! DON’T SAY IT- he screams, he remove his hand like he was touching acid, i look at him, maybe....

 -Pennywise, let me go, please- all the light of the stage exploded one by one, leaving me in total darkness.

 -[y/n]....- i quietly hear, a see a light behind me, i turn to look at the bathroom room, i tun around once more to see my room.

 I didn’t understand anything that just happen, why did he stop?

 Why i’m hearing stuff in my head, why does he said that i need to suffer?

 And why saying his name feel like cutting my heart in two?

 

I hate him.

 


	9. Chapter 9

A month past since i begin school, only a few weeks until summer break, i spend most of the time with the losers, i tried to stay with them all day, i don’t want to be alone anymore, my mom was right when she said she’d come pretty late, and being alone in the house didn’t feel right, after the last time i didn’t see him anymore, but i don’t need that kind of monster right now, Bowers is doing a great job at that, since i laugh at him, my name was replace with ‘freak’, every time they saw me alone was the perfect moment to come near me and yell next to my ear, push me, but he never tried again with the knife which i’m glad, nobody seems to care or help, i wasn’t the only one that they mess up with, the teachers just give them the blind eye and turn around.

 We we’re in our final period when someone knock on the classroom, the teacher walked and open it, two officer and a lady that looks like she’s been crying until just a second ago came in.

 -Listen up everybody- One officer raise his voice making everyone sit straight and not mutter a word. -My name is Officer Butch Bowers, yesterday one of the students when missing- i could feel Bill move in his seat, growing tense.

 -Her name was Betty Ripsom, she was last seen leaving school and walking home alone about 4 pm- the officer said without any hint of worry or sadness for the news, the woman give a step forward, she breath deep before speaking.

 -She was wearing a light yellow shirt and jeans, please- she stop, doing everything for not to let out a sob- please, if anyone knows where my babygirl could have gone, Betty is not like this, so if any of you know something, i beg, i ask for you to tell the officers right away, anything could help us find Betty-

 The school bell ring, but everyone was still sitting, the officer said that he’ll be outside for anyone who would like talk before exiting the classroom, everyone start to gather their stuff and whisper about it.

 -Wow, that sucks, maybe she’s somewhere getting laid- Richie was the first one to talk, nobody laugh this time.

-That not funny, Richie, she could’ve been kidnap, or maybe she’s hurt somewhere, god, knows if she’s dea...- Bill stand up fast, making Eddie to shut his mouth.

-S-She’s just mi-missing Ed!- We all look at Bill’s eyes, fill with anger and pain, his fist were close tight and his breathing was more rapid.

 -He’s right guys, we don’t know what happen, they’ll find them- Stanley said touching Bill back with care while looking at us, ‘them’, he knew that if they couldn’t find Betty the chances of finding Georgie was less than before.

 Once outside a patrol car was park, Betty’s mom look at every child, waiting for someone to come close and give them a lead, but no one was stopping of going to them.

 -Maybe we should go home early today guys- Eddie say nervous, i was waiting for Richie to say something to Ed, like there’s nothing to worry, don’t be a wuss, but everyone nod in agreement, i stop to bike, and soon after everyone stop to look at me. 

-Do we?, i mean if we stick together i don’t think that anything bad will happen to us- I spit out fast.

 - [y/n], i think we’ll be safer at home, plus my mom would kill me if she found out that Betty went missing and i’m just running around town- Eddie responds

 -Yeah, i want to go home [y/n]- Stanley back it up, i look up to Richie who gave me shrug, Bill was silent, his eyes cast down, i could see him biting the inside of his check.

-Just for t-today [y/n]- Bill finally said, i took a moment to breathe, i know they have a point, i’ll be doing the same if i never saw Pennywise in the first place,

 __stop calling by his name_ _ __[y_ _ __/n_ _ __]_ _ __._ _

-Then, i’ll head around town for a while- i said faking a small smile.

-Wo-won’t you go home?- Bill ask with worry.

-Nah, it’s ok, i just need to do a few stuff anyway, i’ll see you guys tomorrow-

-[y/n]! What the hell! You can’t go alone, it’s dangerous! Didn’t you actually hear about what happen to Betty?!- Richie scream and everyone nods.

-Guys, i’ll be fine, i just stay were people are, besides is just for a while, relax- i grip the handle harder, __just, please i can’t be alone.__

 _ _-__ [y/n], that stupid and dangerous! Just let all go home- Stanley said

 -Yeah, come on- I know that they won’t leave until i come with them, so i nod, everyone just parted ways one they were near their home, soon enough Bill and I were riding our bike on Witchham St., i could see Bill’s house just a few minutes away, once we reached he came down his bike and look at me.

 -See ya tomorrow [y/n]- i look at him for a moment without saying anything.

-Yeah, see ya tomorrow- i said quietly

 He open his mouth to say something but he just nods, i started to pedal, once i was far away from Bill’s house i turn on West Broadway, i knew i shouldn’t lied to them, but i just refuse, being completely alone felt wrong, being with them make’s me forget and stop thinking about __him,__ but know the silence grew around me.

I’m afraid, i’m scared, i’m terrified, but not the way i suppose to, him, everything that’s happening, i just, feel like there’s more, i don’t know if this even real, what does he want from me? Why do i feel like i forgot something important. I made it to Penobscot River, I haven’t realize i cross the town, i stop the bike and walk down to sit for a moment close to the river shore, i close my eyes trying to focus on the sound of the river flowing, my heartbeat was slow and steady, i tried to match my breathing to it.

-Hey stranger!- i open my eyes and look up to see Beverly waving from the street, i smile and stand up, ignoring the flash of white at the other side of the river.

-What are you doing here?- I said, i grab my bike from the floor, she smiles and put her hands in behind her.

-I live nearby, what about you, don’t you live on the other side of the town or something like that?-

 _ _-__ Yeah but i didn’t want to come yet- her smile fell a little, but she nods.

-I know the feeling, hey- her tone change more nervous and quiet -if you like we can go and eat ice cream or maybe go to the movies, if you want i mean i just i- she started to ramble

-Yeah, of course Bev, come on- i put my bike to one side so i could walk next to her -Wait, you won’t get in trouble won’t you, you we’re just going home now- i said looking at her with worry, she didn’t answer me but instead shake her head no.

We end up walking around the plaza, we sit around on the grass, some people were reading, others were just having conversations and even lunch, the ice cream cone was melting from the sun and dripping all the way to my hand.

-Don’t you like it?, you know your suppose to eat it?- Beverly said liking her own cone and laughing.

-No shit jose, pass me a napkin please- i said jokingly, Bev grab one of her own and give it to me.

-Here, so, what were you doing alone near the river?- She ask biting the wafers cone.

-After what happen to Betty Ripsom, everyone decided to go home and i just didn’t feel like it, i just ended up there by chance-

-I know the feeling- she said quietly, her eyes weren't looking at me, instead she look at the ground, her hands plucking the grass beneath.

-The feeling of ending up somewhere by chance?- She chuckle but it didn’t reach her eyes.

-The feeling of not wanting to go home- she finally look at me, her words we’re fill with pain but her eyes remain strong.

-Bev, it’s everything ok?- i ask, her hand we’re fill with dirt by now, she ended up making indents on the floor, i could see her nails digging the inside of her palm, she became quiet, her eyes watering, her could hear her breathing by now, i took one of her hands with mine, she was going to bleed if she keep pressing hard -Hey hey stop, Bev, please, it’s ok, it’s ok, you don’t have to tell me anything- i said, i tried to caress her hand to calm her down, we stay in silence for a long time, i could see that she was more calm.

-You know- i started talking, quiet and soft not to startled her- When my mom was seventeen she, she was raped, she was devastated, she tried to keep it a secret but soon enough she found out she was pregnant- Bev remained quiet but she look at me, so i keep talking -Her parents, my grandparents didn’t believed her, they said that she probably sleep with so many people that she couldn’t even say who the father was, they tried to make her get rid of the baby, but she refused, she ended up giving birth alone- I said remembering the photo she showed me one day, she have asked one of the nurses to take it, she didn’t care if she was alone, i could see that she was really smiling with joy.

-After i was born, my grandparent let her stay in the house, she needed to work, study and take her of me, i knew she was tired, but she always smile for, my grandparent pretty much ignored me, if my mother couldn’t take me with her or afford a daycare, they would just lock me up in the bathroom- I heard Bev gasp quietly -yeah, i know, at first i didn’t know what was wrong with that, i just sleep until mom would open the door and take me to her room, i never knew they’ll bet my mom whenever i wasn’t around, not until recently actually, once i was in school my mom make sure i could stay doing other stuff until she could pick me up, but....but one day the school cancel all extracurricular so i decided that instead of bothering my mom, i could go home alone, big mistake- i said jokingly trying to light in up the mood -Once i arrived i tried to take a glass of water but i dropped on the floor, once they enter the kitchen they....they- a knot on my throat stop me for talking, i feel Bev squeeze my hand, while the other dried my tears, i smile at her -They bet me up, i remember just the first few punches soon after that i just remember waking up on a bed in a hospital, turn out my mom find me bleeding unconscious on the floor hours later, they had broken more bones that i could remember-

 I stop talking, i haven’t actually told that to anyone, i could fell Beverly hugging me, her voice soft and calm -What happen to them? They did go to jail?- i could feel her tone becoming mad by the word.

-No, much worse, once i woke up and the cops took my testimony, they went to arrested them-

-And?-

-It was a blood bath, mom never told me what happen to them exactly but i heard the police say that every part they body's we’re separated, my mom was with me when it happen so they knew it wasn’t her, they found no trace or leads of whomever did it-

-God- Beverly said maybe thinking in the scene.

-Yeah, we sold the house and everything they own, my mom pay the medical bills and soon bought the house in Derry- I look at her and smile, after all that, being in this town and meeting The Losers and Beverly was one good thing to be glad.

-My dad....-She suddenly said, i could she that she was fighting to say it, she took a deep breath -My dad, he’s not very n-nice he-he the makes me call him daddy and he doesn’t treat me like i was his daughter.....my mom, she’d died when i was young, he said that i look so much like her, he...- she started crying, i hug her, i let her cry, i know she won’t tell me the whole story but i know how hard is must be telling me anything.

-I want to leave this town....-she quietly said once she was calm - I want to leave, i want to do my own life, i feel like this place is eating me up-

-You will, Bev, look at me, you will, you need to fight for that, that bastard will pay one day for everything, but you, you need to know that it will happen, leaving this place, reaching for something bigger or just doing whatever you want to do, it will happen, trust me- We both smile.

-Thanks [y/n], for being my friend- she said

-If you ever need anything, you call me- i said, i grab a notebook from my back and rip a piece of a page, i write the house phone and give it to her -I always forget to give it to you, but if you want to call me and just talk or even if you want to come over just let me know-

I wave goodbye a Bev and turn around, i look at my watch, mom should be home by now, it was almost time before the curfew ticks so i better get going.   

Once i arrived home i could hear the shower, so came home i see, i sit in the living room and turn on the tv, we only used it rarely, with mom at work and me all day outside, mostly Sunday afternoon together, i look at the channel, it was a kid show i suppose, the cheerful background and well, the kids of course, they we’re sitting in a bench, the host was a woman around 40, she was talking to the kids.

-Kids, what do we learn today- the woman ask with enthuse

-I really like the ice cream- said one girl in the back

-I like the river- said another

-I love the sad story- weirdly said i kid

-You did me too!- the woman said -Especially the murder part- wait what.

 I look at the screen seeing if i really heard right, all the kids laugh and cheer

-But wait i think the’re was a better part,let’s take a look- she point his hand towards the camera, it was the wood, beyond was a river, the image became closer and closer, soon it was just the river, but it keep zooming, to the other side, i knew what this was, i grab the remote and press the channel bottom, change channel [y/n], just ignore it, but it was the same image in every channel, zooming and zooming until, all you could see was me sitting like i did earlier, the image was cut and it came back to the kids and the woman.

-How lovely did [y/n] look today?- everyone cheered, her eyes look straight to the camera, like she was looking me, and if i’m correct, i know she is, or better yet, that bastard.

-Come on [y/n], say his name- she ask, i just stay silent, her mouth grew tense -[y/n]! don’t be silly, just say it, he’ll sure love to hear it one more time-

I rise from the couch and unplug the tv, of course that wouldn't work, just get out of the room, i walked towards the door.

-[y/n] you didn’t forget his name, i know you didn’t, you call him like that last time- i stop, i wasn’t facing the tv anymore, but ic could hear my voice.

 _ _-Pennywise, let me go, please, Pennywise, Pennywise, Pennywise, Pennywise-__ i just repeated his name over and over and over again, it didn’t sound afraid i realize, it sounded melancholic.

-See, i told you- i could hear applauses that grew quiet- beside, you we’re the one to give him that name, remember?- i turn around as fast as i could, but when i look the tv was off.

-Hi honey, i was taking a shower, how was your day?- i slowly look, my mom was dressed in pajamas with a towel in her hair, she enter the kitchen and open the fridge, i walked over there, my hearth was beating hard and my eyes hurt realizing that i haven’t blink in a while, she close the fridge door opening a soda and taking a gulp.

I tried to tell her about what just happen, or about everything since we moved here, but i remember when i tried, and my conversation with Bev, and seeing her smile, real smile and be happy, i just swallow everything and smile.

-I love you, you know that mom?- i said, she look at me with confusion.

-What did you do?- she ask, i shake my head and chuckle.

-Nothing i swear, i just really wanted to tell you- Her face softened, she came towards me and gave me a kiss on the forehead.

 -I love you too, [y/n], more than anything-

 We ended up going to bed earlier, she had work all day and i got school tomorrow, i fell asleep without realizing, maybe i was more tired that i knew.

  _ _-Stop, i don’t loved you-__

 __ __-Leave me alone!-_ _

__ __-I know how i feel, and it will never be yours Tho....-_ _

____-i’m-m-m-m sor-rry, i didn’t keep my p-promise-_ _ __

My eyes flew open, slowly i meet my mothers eyes, she was shaking me, i could feel my face wet, like i’ve been sobbing for hours.

-THANK GOD, YOU BEEN CRYING IN YOUR SLEEP FOR AT LEAST 15 MINUTES [Y/N]! I WAS GOING TO CALL EMERGENCIES- i know she wasn’t trying to scream but she sounded like she was about to slap me for scaring her.

-Mom, i’m sorry, it was probably a nightmare, i can’t remember anything, i don’t know- i said.

\- [y/n] you almost gave me a hearth attack, i heard you sobbing, i though something wrong happen to you, but when i open your door i see that you we’re still asleep, i tried to wake you but you’ve keep crying, harder, crying and calling for a Bob Gray at some point, how can’t you remember anything?!-

I look at my mom without answers, and more a question to myself, who tha hell is Bob Gray?


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ I'd like to thank PeblezQ for being my amazing Editor and Beta Reader! ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

The days followed one by one. I tried my best to ignore everything concerning him, but, by the end of the day, all I could think about was puzzling the pieces together. It seems that not even one thing is related to the other, and the only thing that I could take in account was everything he has ever said to me, but even that could be lies and crazy talk. Hell, maybe I’m the crazy one!

I glance at the clock that was above the board, only 15 minutes until school’s over. Everyone was quiet, not one person speaks. Summer vacation was around the corner, and everyone, including myself, were writing their finals. I tried my best to have a good score by the end of this. I glanced over at the boys, I contain my laughter inside as much as I can. Richie looks like he’s about to have an aneurysm, his hair messy from yanking it so much. Eddie was looking at the clock more times than I could count, and he wasn’t writing anymore, just reading and reading all over again, erasing and fixing the edges of the page so it could be white as possible, and Stanley...Stanley was calm as shit, writing the answers without even pausing. The only one I couldn’t see was Bill, since he was behind me, and I don’t think it’ll be a good idea to just turn around and glance at him in the middle of a test.

It feels like someone’s watching me, so I look up at the teacher; his feet were on the desk as he holds the newspaper ‘The Derry Daily Mail’. The headline ‘Betty Ripson still missing’ was in big-bold letters, and next to it is a photo of her smiling; it look like the  photo from the yearbook. I hear the teacher clearing is throat, and I quickly look back at him to see that he was looking at me with an ‘eyes on the exam’ type of look. Before I could react, the bell rings, and everyone stands up to put their exams in a pile on the desk. Thank god I finished most of it.

We walk towards the exit, and instead of the usual summer sky, we meet a dark cloudy day that’s about to break into a storm. Betty Ripson’s mom was still near the entrance. Ever since the day her daughter’s gone missing, she stood there until every kid left the school, waiting for someone to say something, and every time, no one came close.

 -Shit, I marked that wrong! Fuck, I don’t want to fail this class!- I hear Richie say. They’ve been talking for a while, and I just didn’t pay attention.

 -Looks like someone needs to go to summer school- Stanley teased with a smirk. Richie punched him in the stomach, but without really putting force into it.

 -Not funny, Stan. That shit won’t and can’t ruin my summer, and if it does, I’ll ruin all of yours summer’s.-

 -Come on Richie, don’t be an ass. Want to study with me for tomorrow's shitty exam?- Eddie asked.

 -I’d rather study your mom’s vagina- Richie replied, but Eddie didn’t say anything, he just stared at Richie. -Ok, fineee we’ll study. Why I wasn’t just born rich?- Richie spoke with a sigh, and Eddie gave him a small smile.

 -Ok, let’s go! Who else wants to come?- Eddie asked while grabbing his bike and looking around at us.

 -Sorry guys, I have to go home early. You know my dad want’s me to start learning the Torah or he’ll kill me- Stan said in his reclusive tone.

 -I-I have to d-do some stuff at ho-home- Bill quietly said, and we all solemnly look at him. Since Betty disappeared, he’s been investigating about where Georgie might have ended up. The guys told me that he was like that for the first few months, but his relationship with his parents hasn’t been the same since then, so he only talked about it with us.

  Eddie looked at me expectantly, waiting for an answer. I already studied for tomorrow, but I didn’t mind being with them.

 -Yeah, sure. Maybe I’ll get to see Richie learn something for the first time- I teased with a grin.

 -Ha Ha, real funny [y/n]. You know what, let’s make a bet. Whoever does the worst in the exam has to pay the other for a full day in the arcade- he smirked, -so is it a deal or are you a pussy?- he asked while extending his arm. I squeeze his hand and shake it without hesitation.

 -Start saving money, loser- I replied with excitement.

 -We both are losers [y/n], do your jokes right- Richie stated. His voice was laced with sarcasm.

 -Both of you shut up and move it- Eddie said tiredly.

 After we said our goodbyes, Richie and I follow Eddie home. I’ve been to Bill’s several times since we lived so close, and I’ve been to the other’s houses a few times, but they haven’t been to mine yet. Since I live so close to Bill’s, we only ended up meeting there. Even though I never refused to invite them to my home, I’m kind of glad they never came over, knowing that Pennywise could just be there at any given time.

 Come to think of it, I haven’t actually seen him lately. I know that what happened last time was his doing, but he didn’t appear, nor show his face since then. It’s unusual, especially knowing how bad he want’s to fuck up my life. Even if he’s not physically present, he’s constantly on my mind. I just don’t know why. _What does he want? Why do I need to know?_ I feel like the only place I could find answers is the library, but am I willing to accept the answers? _Why me?_

 We arrive at Eddie’s, dropping our bikes in the front yard, and making our way to the door.

 -Hey, mommy!- Eddie walks in and turned towards the right. His mom was sitting on a recliner watching tv. She glanced at him and then at us. -Richie and [y/n] are staying for a while to study, is that ok?- Eddie asks in a hopeful tone. She only tilted her head to accept Eddie’s kiss on the cheek. She looked at Richie before landing her eyes on me. I’ve seen her a few times before, but something about her stare unsettles me, like a mix between danger and pity. Her eyes quickly shoot up to meet Eddie’s, giving him a nod.

 -Hey Ms.K, how is it going?- Richie said before walking past the door towards the stairs, and straight to Eddie’s room.

-Thank you for letting us stay to study, Ms.Kaspbrak- I say fast and in a low voice before following behind Richie.

 After a few hours of studying and maybe one hour of just talking about stupid shit, we managed to prep ourselves for tomorrow.

 -This is so easy, I could do it while taking a shit- Richie dropped his pencil and stretched.

 -One: gross, and two: it took you 40 minutes to answer that question- Eddie said before his alarm went off. He quickly stood up to grab a glass of water from downstairs.

 -You’re so fucked. Why would you even make a bet you know you’ll lose?- I said while laughing. Richie took his glasses off for a moment and cleaned them with his shirt.

 -I’m not fucked [y/n], it’s called an illusion. I’m making you believe I suck so I could shut your butthole of a mouth tomorrow.-

-Yeah, sure, illusion- I tried to keep my tone serious, but it ended up cracking and becoming a snort, -I have to go, mom should be coming home right now. See you tomorrow oh _‘Great Illusionist Richie’_ \- I wave my hand mockingly like a magician, and he rolled his eyes. Once Eddie walked in the room, I said my goodbyes and walk down the stairs. I quickly said goodbye to Ed's mom, and walk out the door.

 It was becoming darker by the time I walk out of the house. It wasn’t raining yet, and it looked like it was later in the day than it actually is. There weren’t a lot of people on the street; everyone was moving fast, trying to save themselves from the upcoming storm. I was turning on Kansas St. when I hear thunder crash. I stop to look up, and the sky was lighting up, showing little parts of the sky in detail. A drop fell on my forehead; it’ll be soon before the rain starts, so I better move it.

 -Hey wait up!- I quickly turn around to see who was talking to me. It was a girl, a little younger than me, she was wearing a bright red backpack. She wasn’t looking at me, she was talking to someone inside the forest. She stayed quiet for a moment, like she she was listening to what someone was saying, but I didn’t hear any voice answering back. Then she smiled and walked in the woods.

 -Hey! HEY!- I scream, but another crash of thunder drowns out my voice. Why would that girl be walking into the woods with a storm about to begin? I look up to the sky and back towards the woods. _Shit!_

 I drop the bike next to the street, and run in the woods, following where she might have gone. I saw a glimpse of a red backpack, so I go faster.

 -Hey! What the hell are you doing? Don’t you see it’s going to rain soon?- I scream one more time. I feel more drops falling faster and faster by the second. The girl stops, and I let out a sigh of relief, thinking that she finally heard me. She didn’t turn around, however, she just took one step back, and then another. I cautiously approached her.

 -Hey! Fuck, I’ve been calling you for a while back there- I touch her shoulder and carefully spin her around. She was crying, hard, with a runny nose and quivering lips, but she didn’t make a sound. What the hell was she seeing? I look up to see what was in front of us

  **OH SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?**

**ARE THOSE GREMLINS?!**

They weren’t moving yet, so I quickly put myself between the girl and those things. I could hear low deep chuckles all around us.

 -Ok, Idon’tknowwhatthefuckisgoingon, but when I say run, you run. Ok?- I whisper so the girl could hear, but she didn’t say anything, -OK?!- I speak louder again, and she only makes a whimpering sound. I’ll take that as a yes.

 Not until a second later, the rain poured hard enough to compromise our sight. I feel the girl grabbing my shirt tightly, and I turn around so I could look her in the eyes.

 -RUN!- I screamed. She looked at me in shock, so I roughly nudged her. Once she snapped out of it, she turned and ran. All my eyes could see was the red backpack fading in the rain. I turn around to face whatever fuck is going to happen, but a grasp on my neck made me halt every action to fight or flee.

 The grip was hard, and I stood on my tiptoes so I could have a small chance to breathe. I look up, and familiar glowing eyes look down on me. A snarl was plastered on Pennywise’s face; he looked like a raging wolf ready to bite my neck.

 -You made me lose my meal- he said in a low growl, but I could hear his voice perfectly in the rain. I grabbed onto his his arm, trying to pry off my neck, but it seems that the only thing I was doing was making his grip stronger.

 -S-stop- I stutter, feeling my lungs burning from the lack of oxygen. His eyes became harsh and didn’t move an inch. -I-I can’t bre...Pen...s...top…- His gloved fingers suddenly let me go. I fell straight onto the murky ground, and I desperately gulped in air.

 -What were you doing to that girl? What was that?!- I croaked out. It seemed pointless to ask him that, knowing that any answer would be a bad one. He giggled, bowing so his face is right in front of mine, and I didn’t back away. I could see water pouring down his face, his mouth was dripping in a weird fashion, and makes me wonder if it is rain or drool. He grinned and cackled out a laugh in my face.

 -Fear, I feast on the fear of humans. I enjoy the flesh of the young and innocent, and I rejoice on the trembling fear that make humans quiver near my presence.-

   The rain dulled down now, and I shivered from the cold wind passing by - or maybe it was the intense gaze in front of me. He was waiting for me to say something. What is there to say? He feasts on people.

_-Come on, give him one.-_

_-They’ll love you, you just need to embrace it.-_

 -No- I close my eyes, and I start saying stuff that I don’t even understand, -not always...not before. I know you, Pennywise...you’re lying- I open my eyes, and his gaze was softer and calm, his mouth opened for a moment. He did it so slowly that I thought he might respond, but all that came was chilling laughter.

 -OH!- he said joyfull - his aura changed so fast, -YOU’RE THE LIAR, [Y/N]! LYING AND LYING **AND LYING AND LYING! YOU LEFT ME ALONE, YOU LIED TO ME! ALL OF THIS IS YOUR DOING**!- his tone became sinister, and a grin was plastered on his painted face as he leaned even closer to my face. - **Maybe your friends will pay your debts. I will make them suffer, and you will be the one to blame**.-

 -NO, WAIT!- I screamed, and in just a blink of an eye, he was gone.

 

_What have I done?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gremlins are scary right?


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ I'd like to thank PeblezQ for being my amazing Editor and Beta Reader! ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

I shake my leg vigorously against the floor; school is ending today and summer vacation starts. I should be glad to get out of school, but it only makes things difficult. Ever since the threat  _ he _ made against my friends, all I could worry about are the moments we separate and go home by end of the day. Now with summer against our tail, there’s the chance of spending more time separated. I glanced beside me to see Beverly. We tried to spend more time together on weekends and the day we had exams together. I don’t know who Pennywise was talking about when he said that shitty threat. It could only be the losers, or could be anyone I’ve ever talked to more than once. Bev could be targeted, even Ben. After yelling at him back in the library, I tried to talk to him again, but I was ashamed that he thought I was crazy. Whenever we walked by in school, I just smiled and waved at him, and he shyly responded every time.

-What is it?- Bev asked, leaning towards me. Her face was still focused in front of her, but I could see a small smile forming.

-Mm...what?- I asked, confused

\- You’ve been staring at me for a while. Do I have something on my face?- a blush crept on my face as she spoke. I just started thinking so much that I just stared at her like a crazy person.

-No, there’s nothing on your face...sorry,- I whispered in response. She silently chuckles before turning to reach in her bag. She takes her yearbook out and slowly gave it to me.

-I know you came so late this year that they didn’t put you in the yearbook, but I needed the most important person to sign mine.- I smiled and opened it. It had a few signatures scattered around, so I took the liberty of writing something big.

_‘Your soul, so fiery, it cannot be contained within your body. It sprouts from the top of your head with such vigor that it marks legend forever in that red hair. Let’s make more adventures together, stay strong_ _Bev. From that loser friend of yours, [y/n].’_

I return her yearbook, and she stayed quiet for a moment while she read my message. Her smile became bigger with every word she read before she started giggling.

-What? Too cheesy? I know, I know, but I read that once, and I thought it was a cool way of calling you a ginger,- I rambled. She looks at me with glossy eyes, and touched her hair with a small smile.

-No, it’s just the first time that I feel like I have a real friend. Nobody has ever written me something so pretty before.- I could feel my heart pang with the epiphany that it’s been a long time since she had a real friend. I returned the smile, not realizing what our friendship could actually mean to her.

-C’mon don’t cry on me, now. It’s not like I’ll be gone. We’ll see each other in the summer! Besides, you have my phone number, so you can call me whenever you want. Maybe we can have sleepovers? I know the losers will love you as well. You’ve gotta spend time with us sometime and get to know them. They’re really cool guys, Bev.-  She nodded before turning her face towards the front of the class again.

Once the class is over, I hug Bev one last time before walking in the hallway. Everyone was clustering around, interchanging yearbooks, and talking amongst themselves. I see a lonely figure trying to put everything he had in his locker and failing miserably. I came close to grab of the books that fell on the floor.

-Here,- I said smiling at Ben, and he looked at me without moving or saying anything, -take it. I’m not gonna bite you,- I said cheerfully. Finally, he reached out to grab it.

-Thank you,- he said quietly, his smile growing slowly as he looked at me.

-Are you ready for summer?- I asked. Ben slowly nodded, but I could see that his eyes saddened.

-Yeah, I’ll probably spend all summer in the library,- he quietly said.  _ The library. Even if I don’t want to, I need to find out more about Pennywise. _

_ - _ Hey, I might go there tomorrow. Maybe I’ll see your there? No yelling this time, I promise,- his eyes sparkled at the thought, and he gave me a real smile this time.

-Y-yeah. Maybe I’ll see you there.-

Everyone started to clear the hallway, meaning the the last class of the year was about the begin. I say my goodbyes to Ben before walking away. Once I reached the classroom, the teacher walked in and closed the door. I quickly sat down in front of Bill; all of the guys were already there.

Richie wiggled his eyebrows at me.  _ Right,  _ yesterday they gave back the exams, and it turns out I lost the bet. He beat me by one point. I rolled my eyes at him and smiled. He’s been reminding me every second we see each other. The teacher gave a final note on the class, gave some summer reading suggestions to help us out next year, and he said his goodbyes. Five minutes before the final bell rang, he ended his class so anyone could speak to him about summer school, or sign yearbooks.

-It sucks that they didn’t give you one, [y/n],- Eddie said while turning in my direction.

-Ye-yeah, we all w-would’ve liked to si-sign it. Especially b-being your f-first year with us,- Bill said warmly.

-Don’t worry guys, [y/n] doesn’t need a yearbook. You can all sign my test, so [y/n] can keep it forever to remind herself to never make a bet with, what was it you called me? Oh, right the ‘ _ Great Illusionist Richie _ ’.-

-Fuck off, Richie. You're so annoying. You’ve spent the entire day yesterday bragging about it,- Ed snapped back, and I chuckled.

-You're just mad because we both did better than you in the exam, Ed,- Richie replied proudly.

-My god, Richie, just quit it. Are you really gonna spend all summer talking about it?- I asked sarcastically.

-Hell fucking yeah. In fact, I might even do a speech in Stanley’s Bar Mitzvah so  _ everyone _ can know how badly I crushed you.-

-I’ve never been to a Bar Mitzvah. What’s it like?- I asked. Finally the bell rings, and we walk out the door.

-Ok, it’s a church full of jew’s right? And Stan has to take this super jewy test,- Eddie said fast, everyone was practically running out of school.

-But how does it work?- Bill asked curiously. Ed paused for a moment before answering.

-They slice the tip of his dick off,- Eddie said it like he was certain, and I laugh as I look at him.

-Ed, I don’t think that’s how it works.-

-Yeah, because then Stan will have nothing left!- Richie added. Speaking of Stan, I notice him coming closer between Ed and Bill.

-Hey Stan, what happens at the Bar Mitzvah, anyway? Eddie said they slice the tip of your d-d-dick off,- Bill said.

-Yeah,Ii think the ravine is gonna pull down your pants, turn to the crow and say ‘WHERE’S THE MEAT?’- I nudge Richie in the stomach.

-C’mon Richie, don’t be a dick. Stanley doesn’t need a reminder that soon he’ll be without one.- I feel Stan sightly slap me on the back of my head, so I stick my tongue out at him playfully.

-At the Bar Mitzvah, I read from the Torah, then I make a speech, and finally I become a man- He explained.

-I can think of more fun ways to become a man,- Richie exclaimed before growing silent. I look up to see why he grew silent.  _ Oh, The Bowers Gang.  _ They stop to look at us with stupid smiles on their faces, and everyone picked up their pace.

-Think they’ll sign my yearbook?- Richie suddenly said - _ Dear Richie, sorry for taking a hot steamy dump in your backpack last month, have a great summer!-  _ We laugh at that.

-Fuck, that  _ shit _ was awful, I can still remember the smell,- Ed said gagging.

-Yeah, you could say it was a  _ crappy  _ day,- I said putting more emphasis on the pun. Richie rolled his eyes, but everyone else smirked at my incredible pun game.

\- Maybe you should  _ flush _ the thought behind,- Stan added.

-We don’t want to s-see you...-

-Poop jokes? Really?!- Richie interrupted with a groan. -I hate you all.-

-Oh! Come on Rich. Poop jokes aren’t my favorite kind of jokes,  _ but they are a solid number two.-  _ I feel his hand hit my face while I laugh. He tried to fight it, but in the end, he cracked out a chuckle.

-Real mature, [y/n],- Richie said while composing himself.

Once outside, the boys decided that they should dump all of the books and notepads in the garbage. I decided not to since I barely used them. Maybe I could donate them to someone.

-Best feeling ever!- Stan said.

-Yeah? Try tickling your pickle for the first time,- Richie replied.  _ Pickle, really Rich? _

_ - _ Hey, what you guys want to do tomorrow?- Ed asked while putting on his backpack.

-I’ll start my training,- Richie said fixing his glasses.

-What training?- Eddie asked.

-Street Fighter,- he simply replied.

-That’s how you want to spend your summer? Inside of an Arcade?-

-It’s better than being inside your mother,- Richie said raising his arm awaiting a hi-five. Instead, Stanley just pushed it down. - Besides, remember [y/n] lost the bet, so she has to pay for it.-

-For one day, not the whole summer!- I replied fast while staring at Richie, and he just shrugged.

-Never said how many days.-

-Yes we di...-

-What if we go to the Quarry?- Stan interrupted me. He gave me a look, so I shut my mouth.

-Guys, we have to go to the b-b-barrens,- Bill said before everyone nods, and I fill with worry. The guys haven’t said anything about seeing something weird, and I highly doubt that they won’t say anything if they ever see Pennywise, but going to places that are away from town, even if we’re together...I just worry if anything happens. I need to find answers.

-I’m going to the library tomorrow morning. How about you guys pick me up on the way to the barrens?- I suggested, and they all look at me for a moment like I was insane, but in the end, Bill nods.

-Right,- Stan said plainly.

_ - _ Guys, Betty Ripson’s mom,- we turn around where Eddie was looking. She’s been crying already, knowing that since Betty’s gone, no one would talk to her. Especially now since it’s summer vacation.

-Did she really expect to someone to say anything?- Stan asked without turning around.

-I don’t know, it’s like she’s been hiding at home these last few weeks,- Ed answered quietly.

-You think they’ll actually find her?-

_ I’ll don’t think they will. _

_ - _ Sure, in a ditch, all decomposed, and covered in worms and maggots, smelling like Eddie’s mom’s underwear,- Richie said, making Eddie’s face to contort.

-Shut up, that’s so freaking disgusting!- Eddie replied, clearly grossed out.

-S-she’s not dead, s-s-she’s mi-mi-missing,- Bill muttered, and Richie realized that maybe those kind of jokes weren't the right ones to make.

-Sorry Bill, she’s missing,- we begin to walk away, -maybe the barrens are not that bad? Who doesn’t like splashing around in shitty water?- I turned around to look at them, but I notice Bowers pulling Richie back, causing Stan to fall over in the process. All of Bower’s goons where around us.  _ Great. _

After throwing Stanley, and burping at Eddie, almost making him throw up, they push past us, but Bill stood up for us.

-You s-ss-s-suck Bowers.- I could feel the whole group, including Bill, regret saying it, because they stop walking and turn around.

-Y-You s-sa-said so-something B-B-Billy?- he mocks, -you got a free ride this year ‘cause of your little brother, but it’s over Denbrough,- he came close, but halted as he noticed something beyond us. I turn around to see his father look over at us while taking his glasses off.

-Summer is going to be hurt train, for you and your faggot friends, especially that freak over there,- he said, pointing at me. -Don’t think I forgot about you. I want to see if you laugh when I make you bleed,- he licks his palm before slapping it in Bills face and walking away.

-Still not scared, Bowers- I murmur through gritted teeth. I look over to see if anyone needed help, and we see the goons getting inside the car before taking off.

-Wish he went missing,- I heard Richie say.

-He’s probably the one doing it,- Eddie answered.

-Come on, let’s just go,- I said before moving towards the bikes. -So, we’re doing nothing today?- I asked nervously, and they all look at me.

-I have to go study the Torah,- Stanley said. The others just needed to go home and rest so they could be ready for summer.

-Take care guys, be careful with anything weird, don’t go in alleys, or follow gremlins, or take candy from strangers, or be alone, like really really alo...-

-Woah woah, [y/n]! Chill the fuck out! Since when you became a mom? Do you want us to wear diapers as well?- Richie replied, looking at me with seriousness before smiling. -We’ll see each other tomorrow, [y/n],  _ and no dark alleys, _ \- he said, mocking my tone.

 

I recludenly let them go their separate ways, and only Bill and I walked home together. Once we arrive at Bill’s house, I look at him and give him a hug. He paused for a moment before hugging me back.

-Just be careful,- I said quietly, and he smiled with a nod.

-See ya tomorrow, [y/n]. We’ll come pick you up at the library,- he waved before walking up his driveway.

Every time I come home, I prayed for him to not be there, but now, I just hope he messes with me and only _ me _ , not my friends. Once I opened the front door, I was greeted by emptiness and nothing more. I entered my room, and layed down for a while, staring at the ceiling. I glance at the music box on my night stand and open it so the lullaby fills the soundless space. I could feel my eyes drifting, and soon enough, I was asleep.

_ -HELP, PLEASE, STOP!- _

 

_ -DON’T KILL ME, PLEASE!- _

 

_ -For me? I love it so much...- _

 

_ -HELP ME, PLEASE!- _

 

_ -You know, I do love popcorn...- _

 

_ -I DON’T WANT TO DIE!- _

 

_ -I’ll be with you......- _

 

_ -MONSTER!- _

 

_ -.....love you...-. _

 

**_-MONSTER!-_ **

 

_ -....since forever ago...- _

The booming sound of something closing made my eyes fly open. I could feel my body covered in sweat, and I feel like the voices I heard were like mine, and they repeated like a record on a loop. They turned into different voices, screaming in pain and rage. I look over to see the music box has slammed shut, and that was what woke me up. I hug my legs and closed my eyes. This was all  _ his _ fault, and this was all a clear sign that he was here.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ I'd like to thank PeblezQ for being my amazing Editor and Beta Reader! ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

Once it was morning, I put on a purple sweater and head out the door. I could see mom’s door open, and she was on her bed, still sleeping. I tried to not wake her up since she’s been working so hard. I walk in the kitchen to grab something on the go, and I checked my bag one last time to make sure I have everything. I just grab a small notebook and a pen so I could write anything I could find. Once outside, I grab my bike and head straight to the library. I took a deep breath, I wasn’t ready to face any answers, but it was necessary. I had about an hour or two before the guys make their way towards the barrens, so I better be quick. The streets were empty; every kid was probably sleeping in as late as they can, and most adults were probably at work already.   
  
I reached the building and placed my bike nearby. I could feel my mouth become dry, and my steps becoming smaller.  _ Stop it, [y/n]. You’ve actually seen worse. A library is just a library _ ... I put my head up high and walked in. My eyes immediately land on Ben and I smile.  _ Right, he said he’d be here today. _ I move closer and see him rise his face and smile.   
  
-Hey, [y/n]. I didn’t think you'd come,- he said quietly, his table was filled with books already. I dropped my bag on the table before sitting down.   
-Yeah, I just really needed to learn more about something,- I said, my eyes glanced on the books in front of us.  _ Of course everything was about Derry. _ -Actually, I think you can help me,- I said while grabbing one of the books. I could see his eyebrows grow closer.   


-Y-yeah, yeah sure. What do you need?-    
-Remember the day in the library when we met?- he nods.  _ How could he forget? I yelled at him like a crazy person. _ -I actually need to find more about that photo we saw. I need to learn their name, the date, and stuff like that. Oh, and maybe something about a Bob Gray...-    
  
-Who’s Bob Gray?-   
-I don’t know... I just know the name,- I replied while looking down at the book. The only thing that I kept to myself about this little project was finding out who Pennywise is because that’s my issue that shouldn’t become his burden. -Thank you… For helping me, Ben.-   
  
-It’s ok. I actually wanted to learn more about that too, but since it freaked you out, I thought that maybe it was weird enough to just leave it alone,- he explained, and I just looked at him and nodded.   
  
After picking some more books that might help, we sit down and start to look through everything. For a town so small, they do have quite a history, and it’s mostly bad stuff.   
  
-Hey, where’s the book where the picture was?- I asked suddenly, -I looked for it on the table and the history section, and it’s not anywhere it seems...-       
  
-Maybe somebody checked it out?- Ben suggested. I looked up at the librarian, she was sitting in her desk writing something.   
  
-Let me ask,- I said while moving closer to her. Once she feels my presence, she glanced up before she kept writing.   
  
-Yes?- she asked in a monotoned voice.   
  
-Hi, I was just wondering if someone checked out ‘ _ Derry’s History and Events’? _ It’s a book filled with photos of stuff that happened in Derry.-

  
-I know what the books is about child.- I stood there for a couple of seconds with deadpan features, waiting for a real answer.

-The book wasn’t checked out. That lady over there is reading it,- she simply said. Her eyes look up to her right at an old lady that was sitting between two small bookshelves. It seems that she does has the book. I say thank you to the librarian before moving towards the lady. She was just blankly staring at the book, and as I approached her, I realized that she was looking at  _ the photo of the carnival _ . I stood behind her for a moment, and she just kept on staring.

-Beautiful isn’t it?- she suddenly spoke, her eyes are still looking at the page, moving at every detail. -You could almost smell the cotton candy,- I look at the picture and smile.   
  
-No, it was more like popcorn and candied apples,- I replied without thinking about what I was saying. The lady grinned at that, and she looked up at me. I could see her muscles tensing with that smile.   
  
-Yes, popcorn and candied apples,- she just stayed there, still looking at me.   
  
-Once your done with the book, do you mind lending the book to me and my friend?- I asked while glancing at Ben, he was buried in a book.   
  
-What are you guys looking for?- she stared at Ben for a long moment before her eyes turned to me, her smile never wavered when she spoke.   
  
-Homework,- I said dryly, something wasn’t right about her.   
  
-Don’t look for the things you're not ready to face.-    
  
-Just give us the book when your done,- I said before turning my back and walking towards Ben again. I could feel her eyes watching my back.   
  
-Purple was always your color,- I hear the lady suddenly say. I quickly turned around, my heart beating fast, but she was just reading the book completely unfazed. _ It’s not him, it’s not him. _ __   
  
-Found anything?- I said while sitting down, Ben just shakes his head no.   
  
-Haven’t found anything yet, but there must be something in one of these books. How about you? Found the book?-    
  
-Yeah, that lady over there has it, so I guess once she finish it, we would look into...-

  
\- [Y/N]!!!!!- I hear somebody scream from outside the window. I look up to see the boys waiting on their bikes.  _ Shit _ . They waved at me, except Richie; he just flip me off. I signal to them that I’ll be down in a moment.    
  
-Hey Ben, I gotta go. The boys and I will be going to the barrens, wanna come?- I asked while picking up my backpack. I look at him, waiting for him to say yes, but all he did was shake his head.   
  
-No thank you. I’ll just stay here and see what can I find.-    
  
-No, you don’t have to do that. Come on, I’ll introduce you to them,- I said patiently. They scream my name again.   
  
-Maybe another day.- I didn’t push it over andy further. From what I know about Ben is that he was really shy. Maybe I was being to brash.   
  
-Ok, but next time you say yes and come, and don’t just stay here looking for my stuff ok? We can come another day,- I smile and say goodbye, walking towards the door.   
  
-Wait, this... [y/n]....- Ben said but the door was closed before I could hear.     
  
I grab my bike and we start to move faster so we could make it to the barrens.   
  
-My god, could you have taken any longer? What were you doing in the library anyway?- Richie groaned, and I looked at him and smiled.   
  
-Learning about how can you could stop being such a little shit. Turns out you will always be a little shit. Not even a princess kiss will save you from this one, I’m afraid,- I see Richie’s bike coming closer to mine, so I took of faster, getting away from him.   
  
-Why are you running away [y/n]? Come on, don’t be a pussy!- I could hear him scream. Everyone picked up their pace as we all laugh. Bill quickly took the lead.   
  
-Bill, your old bike is so fast!-   
  
-Move your asses!-   
  
-C’mon guys!-      
  
We cross the town, the day was sunny, and we made it to the entrance of the barrens. It was just a man-made pathway in the woods, later going in the river that we started to walk down.   
  
-How was practice yesterday, Stan?- I asked. I could see Stan getting paler, so I come closer and gently grabbed his arm. -Hey, you Ok?- Stan fidgeted like he was trying to figure out what to say, but he just turned towards me and smiled.   
  
-Yeah, it’s just that I had a hard learning all the stuff I needed for the Bar Mitzvah, and my dad is putting a lot of pressure on me.- I know that was partially true, but he was hiding something as he spoke.  _ I just hope it wasn’t something involving that asshole of a clown.  _   
  
-If you need any help, just let me know. I’m probably the least qualified person to offer you help since I literally don’t know anything about it, but I’ll always help you with whatever you need, Stan.- Stan smiled and put his arm around my shoulder so he could give me a side hug.   
  
-Thanks, [y/n]. I really appreciate it, but I don’t think you will very efficient reading Hebrew.- We chuckled and I nudged him.   
-Shut up.-    
  
Once we reached the bottom, we could see the entrance of the sewer. It was dark, and we stopped for a moment.   
  
-That’s poison ivy, and that’s poison ivy, AND that’s poison ivy,- Stan said while pointing at pretty much everything green surroundings us. I could see Eddie starting to freak out as we move closer to the sewer.

-Not every fucking plant is poison ivy, Stanley,- Richie said with an eye roll.   
  
Bill was already inside and Richie was at his tail. I hesitate for a moment before stepping in behind Richie. The water was completely dark, and the walls were gray with dirt and mold squished onto it.  _ Weirdly familiar? _ My shoes will be useless after this, I might as well burn them when I get home, and the smell wasn’t helping.    
  
-Well, I’m starting to get itchy now, and, I’m pretty sure this is not the.....-

-Do you use the same bathroom as your mother?- Richie interrupted.

-Some times, yeah.-

-Then you probably have crabs.-

-That’s not funny.- 

-Don’t be an ass, Richie,- I said without turning around.   
  
-Are you guys not coming in?- I heard Richie say, and I turned to see Eddie and Stanley in the entrance. I don’t think any of them would step in for a million bucks, and I don’t think Ed would do it even if it were to save his own mother.    
  
\- Uh-uh, it’s greywater,- Eddie answered with disgust.

-What the hell is gray water?- Richie asked.

-It’s basically piss and shit, so I’m just telling you, you guys are splashing around in millions of gallons of Derry pee so......are....are you serious? What are you...- Richie picked up a stick that touched the water up to his nose and sniffed it. I rolled my eyes and kept moving towards Bill while they keep fighting.

-It doesn't smell like caca to me, señor...-

-That’s disgusting! Have you ever heard of a staph infection?- Eddie is wildly gesturing in disgust as he speaks.

  
I roll my eyes, ignoring their bickering to look over at Bill. He pointed at something with is flash light before picking it up. It was a shoe, and that was not a good sign.   
  
-GUYS!- He screamed and everyone stopped to look at him. Everyone looked at the shoe for a few seconds.

-Shit...don’t tell me that’s...- Stan’s voice trailed off as he spoke. Richie moved closer to us so he could have better look at the shoe.

  
-Nuh-no, Georgie was wuh-wearing galoshes,- he replied, knowing what Stan was implying. I think none of us knew if that was a good sign or a bad one.

-Who’s sneaker is it?- Eddie asked,  and Richie grab the shoe while Bill points his flashlight, on the inside a name was written with marker.   
  
-It’s Betty Ripson’s,- Richie said while looking at all of us. I just keep staring at the shoe. Betty isn’t just a runaway teen,  _ he _ was involved, I wanted to throw up.   
  
-Oh shit...Oh God....Oh FUCK....I don’t like this,- Eddie was having a major internal crisis.

  
-How you think Betty feels.......running around these tunnels with one freaking shoe?- Richie said, and I swear I’m gonna punch him in the face any minute now. Everyone just looked at him with a death glare.   
  
-Richie, shut up and be serious for once, please,- I sounded like a mother, but he seemed to realize that maybe jokes about death, probably murder, wasn’t that funny.   
  
-Was if she’s still here?- Stan asked suddenly. _ If she’s still here, we will not find her breathing. _ __   
  
I saw Bill and Richie starting to move deeper into the sewer. They need to stop! If Pennywise is here or even remotely close, I don’t know what he would do. I heard Richie calling for Eddie before I opened my mouth, and as per usual, Ed just refused to enter. _ I need something to get them out of here. _ __   
  
-Bill?- Eddie called for and answer, and Bill turned around to look at them, his eyes were sad and filled with some hope.

  
-If I-I was Betty Ripson, I would wants us to find me...- Everyone turned their eyes away from him because he was right, so naive and good heartedly right. - Ge-Georgie, too.- 

-What if I don’t want to find them?- Eddie spoke in a way that I could see he was trying to say something without hurting Bill. -I mean....no offense, Bill, but I don’t want to end up like Ge.....- he stopped because he knew that if he finished that sentence, he’d regret saying it forever. -I don’t want to go missing either.-   
  
-He has a point,- Stanley seconded.  
  
-Guys, no, don’t think like that,- I said with sadness. I’m the one who’s to blame in all of this. _I will never let you guys go missing._ __  
  
\- [Y/n], it’s summer. We should be having fun! This isn’t fun! This scary and disgusting,- not one second later after Stan finished talking, something crashed down the river, starling us. I follow behind Richie as we were walking out.  
  
-Holy shit! What the hell happened to you?!- he asked, and I pushed him to one side to see who was he talking to. My eyes go wide.  
  
-Ben?! What the fuck? What happened?!- I move fast to his side, the guys following behind me. He was out of breath, and he had cuts and bruises everywhere. His shirt was dirty, and there was just one big blood stain on the right side of his shirt.  
  
-Come on guys, we have to help him!- I see Richie and Stanley at each side while Bill and Ed helped getting him to the bike.  
  
-Bowers,- Ben quietly said after a calming himself down.  
  
-That motherfucker did this to you?!- I basically scream, I could see the boys widening their eyes at my reaction. -That bastard needs a good castration, so he can be the little bitch he is.-  
  
-I love angry [y/n],- Richie said jokingly while waving his eyebrows suggestively at me. I just glared at him.  
  
-Shut up Richie. My god, that asshole needs to go to jail.-   
  
-His dad is one of the two officers in town, [y/n]. They won't put him nowhere,- Ed said, and I look at Ben once more, before turning to my bike and hoping on.  
  
-Then let’s go, he need some help with the wounds.-   
  
We started riding towards town, and Bill was in the front, he was carrying Ben on his bike. I was next to them with Richie and Stan closely behind me. Ed was behind us all, ranting about aids or something. I was so mad I could barely hear him.  
  
We arrive in an alley next to the pharmacy, and Bill places Ben against one of the wooden boxes that was there.  
  
-Richie, wait here,- Bill said, and we hurry towards the pharmacy. Inside, we tried to keep it cool not to raise suspicion. Ed just start grabbing stuff like crazy, and I looked down at Stanley counting the money we gathered up.    
  
-Can we afford all that?- Bill asked, and Stanley just showed us the bunch of crumbled dollars that clearly wasn’t enough to pay for the supplies.

-That’s all we got.-   
  
-There’s got to be another way. We can’t just leave Ben like that,- I said, and Ed bites the inside of his cheek in thought.

-Wait, you have an account here, right?- Bill asked Ed, and I looked at Eddie with my brows furrowed in thought. He just shrugs and comes closer.   
  
-If my mom finds out I bought all this stuff for myself, I’ll be the rest of the weekend in the emergency room getting x-rayed...-   
  
-Then what do we do? We need to buy at least something so we can clean him. What’s the most important Ed?- I asked, and he looked at everything he’s caring before shaking his head.   
  
-Everything, if we want to fix him right...- just then, somebody steps in the isle, and I turn to see someone familiar.   
  
-Bev?- 

\- [y/n]? What are you guys doing here?-    
  
-None of your business,- Stan replied shortly. I glared at him and turned to explain to her about Ben, but Ed cut me short.

-There’s a kid outside that look like someone killed him.-

-W-we need s-s-suplies, b-but we don’t have enough money,- Bill said shyly. Bev stared at him before looking at me and coming closer towards us.   
  
-When I look at you, you guys walk out fast, ok?-

-Bev, what the hell? That’s stealing, besides how are you going to distract him?- I said pointing at my eyes at the pharmacist, she give me a little smile.

-I got an idea, [y/n]. Just trust me.-

-Ok, please be careful. This isn’t something you should get in trouble with.-   
  
She walked towards the counter, and I could barely hear what they were saying. I saw him laugh as he he was handing his glasses over to her. His body inches closer to her, and he’s smiling like a motherfucking pervert.   
  
-I’m gonna kill that pervert,- I mutter and start to move when two hands grab my arm.

\- [y/n], stop. She told you to trust her. She’s just making a scene so we can escape.- As soon as Stan said that, I hear a crash, and I look back to see Beverly looking at us as a signal.

-Ok, let’s go, but I will come back to punch a pervert if necessary.-

-Don’t let Richie see you angry again or he might propose,- Ed said joking.   
  
We reached at the alley once more, Eddie immediately kneels down and pulls Ben’s shirt up so we could see the wound. They have carved an H in his stomach. I stand there, wondering if anyone could patch up a wound like Eddie could. I lean on the other wall, looking at them. I suddenly notice a big painting. It was more like a historic imagery ‘ _ In Brutal Battle _ ’. I read about what it says, who knew Derry had gang members? Richie and Stanley were assisting Ed, but where’s Bill? I look to the end of the alley to see he was looking at something, and he looked completely lovestruck.   
  
_ OH OOOOOOOOH  _   
  
Bev stepped up in the frame, and I could see Bill was nervous. I smirked mischievously at him before she looked towards us the way We made eye contact before she looked at the group of boys beside me. Her face became a one of concern before stepping closer.   
  
-Ben from sosh?- She called, and Ben quickly pulled his shirt down and straightened up.

-You know Ben?- I asked, coming next to her, and she looked at me with a nod.

-We actually met yesterday, after.....- she became quiet and turned her eyes towards Ben. -Are you ok? That looks like it hurts.-

-Yeah, I’m good. I just fell,- he lied, however, no-filter-Richie interrupted soon after.

-Yeah! Right into Henry Bowers.- 

-S-shut u-up Richie!- Bill quickly said.

-Why? It’s the truth!-   
  
Beverly stepped up closer to Ben. -Are you sure they have the right stuff to fix you up?- she smiled and winked, and Ben just fidgeted in his spot.   
  
_ OH OOOOOOOOOH  _   
  
-W-we’ll take c-care of h-him, Beverly. Thanks again,- Bill said, and I almost laughed at how cute the boys were. I’m going to tease them so much.   
  
-Yeah, sure. Maybe I’ll see you guys another day?-    
  
-Yeah, we-we were actually going to the Q-Q-Quarry tomor-rrow... if you wanna come?- Bill was such a mess.   
  
-[y/n] invited me yesterday, but I didn’t want to feel like I was going to bother you guys...-   
  
-Y-You wont bother u-us,- Bill said quickly with a smile.    


-Then maybe I’ll see you tomorrow. Bye guys,- she said before walking off. I could see the boys in shock still, so I followed Beverly outside the alley into the street.   
  
-Hey, are you Ok? What happened yesterday?- I said, coming closer to her. Her eyes don’t meet mine as she just stares at the ground. -Beverly, what happened?-    
  
-It’s just that, after school was over, stupid Gretta and her friends dumped gross garbage water on me. Don’t...don’t look at me like that. I didn’t tell you because I knew how upset it will make you, and maybe they would do something worse to you because of me...-   
  
-You think I care what those bitches do to me? Bev, you’re my best friend, and if that means fighting a stupid bitch or be hated, then so be it. I don’t give a shit. Bowers is a motherfucking asshole, he bothers pretty much everyone, especially the bunch of losers over there, but they are my bunch of losers, and if that means kicking Bowers’ or Gretta’s ass, I will do it, even if I have 0% chance at winning,- we laugh at that, -I can see that the boys will like hanging out with you as much as I do. You just have to give them a chance.-    
  
She thinks for a moment before nodding. -Thanks, [y/n]. I’ll see you tomorrow,- she waved before leaving, and I walk back to the guys once more.

-How are we doing?- I asked, and Eddie doesn’t look up or answer, he just made a weird sound.

-Almost done, he’s just finishing patching up,- Stanley said, and I nod. While looking at him, my eyes almost pop out of place.  _ Fuck you _ , it seems that none of the boys realize that a fucking clown that definitively wasn’t there before, had his face painted beneath a car, right under Ben and next to Stanley.  Stan was looking at me, trying to figure why I was looking at him that way, but I just relaxed my face as much as I could and forced out a smile.   
  
After a couple of minutes between staring intensely at the painted Pennywise and looking at the boys while they speak, Ed announces that it he is done. Everyone grabbed their bikes once more, and walked outside towards the street.   
  
-Hey, does anyone carry a marker by any chance?- I yelled at them before smiling mischievously, an idea popped out of my mind.   
  
\- [Y/n], stop asking weird stuff and move your ass. We gotta go,- I turn to see Richie and the boys waiting for me already on their bikes, and I groan.   
  
-Ok, comin’,- I said, picking up my bike. I grab my notebook and pen as fast as I can before writing something down. I tear up the page and grab a sticker that came with the notebook, and I tape the note right in his face. I chuckle before hopping on my bike.   
****  
**PEEK-A-BOO, ASSHOLE** **  
**


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ I'd like to thank PeblezQ for being my amazing Editor and Beta Reader! ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

_-Come on dance with me-_

_-I-I’m sorry, I-I-I shouldn’t have done......-_

_-Don’t leave me-_

**_AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH_ **

I wake up in a flash, my breathing was erratic, and I clench my shirt hard, feeling my beating heart going like crazy. My body was covered in sweat again, these nightmares are becoming more frequent. I could never remember anything, just a few phrases and words, and everything else just fades once my eyes are open. This is the first time a scream woke me up. Once I was calm enough, I walked down the hallway, headed to the bathroom, and entered the shower at once.

I enter the kitchen, my hair was still wet, the droplets of water running down my back. I see my mom washing the dishes, and she turned around once she feels my presence and smiled.

-Morning sleepyhead,- she said while turning the water off.

-Morning,- I walk over to the fridge, and grabbed something to eat before sitting down at the table.

-I though that you were going to the Quarry early today with your friends? Did you guys have a fight?- I furrowed my brows at her.

-No, we’re going at 10, why?-

-Honey, it’s almost noon. Since you always wake up and leave early, I thought that maybe something happened...-    

-WHAT?- I stood up fast at the table, -Oh god, I’m so late, I have to go, love you mom!- I run out the front door as I hear my mom saying goodbye. I step up in the bike and move as fast as I could. _Fuck, they’re going to kill me._

I arrived at the top of the Quarry, and I heard music coming from boombox not too far away. I slowly walked down the rocky area to see all the boys were staring at Bev, sunbathing. They didn’t even notice that I was behind them. I smile and clear my throat, and all the boys move fast to look at me.

-Heyyyyyy, [Y/n]! Nice of you to show up, kinda was thinking you ditched us!- Richie chimed in with a shit eating grin.

-Sorry guys, I overslept.-

-Wet dreams?- Richie asked with an eyebrow wiggle.

-Yeah about you, asshole,- he looked taken back, I win this time. -Why does everyone have matching underwear, anyway?- I asked, and the boys tried to think of something to say. In the end, they just ignored me, and Richie started digging in a bag.

-Newsflash, Ben! School’s out for summer,- I came close towards the guys to see what is it about, Ben looks at me before turning his eyes towards the group.

-Oh, that? That’s not school stuff,- Richie pulls out a postcard that Ben quickly hides again, Richie smiles and instead takes out a blue file filed with newspaper clippings and other various documents. I stare at the passing images, some stuff I already saw in the library with Ben.

-What’s with the history project?- somebody asked, and I could feel Ben ashamed before answering. Richie just started passing the file so I looked up at Ben.

\- Oh, when I first moved here..I didn’t really have anyone to hang out with, so I just spent my time in the library.-

-Ugh, you're just like [y/n], going to the library on purpose,- Richie made a barfing sound out of mock, but Ben just smiled.

-Yeah, that’s actually where I met [y/n],- I could see Beverly stand up and sit next to Bill to see the file, both Ben and Bill became very aware that she was there. They both became a nervous and tense mess, and I smiled lightly at the scene. Bill just stared at her at this point.

-Yu-yu-your hair....- that’s the only thing that came out of Bill’s mouth. _C’mon, Bill. You got this._ Ben just took his chance.

-Your hair is beautiful, Beverly,- she runs her hand through her now short hair, and smiled and thanked him. Bill and Ben just had a staring contest, and Bev looked at me to see my reaction. I just do an OK sign, and mouthed an _‘I love it’,_ giving her a big smile that she soon returned.

-Why is this all murder and missing kids?- Richie suddenly asked. Ben hesitated before answering.

-Derry is not like any town I’ve been in before. They did a study once, and it turns out that people disappear six times more than the national average, here.- Everyone fidgeted in their sitting positions, and my breathing became shallow.

-You've read that?- Beverly asked, intrigued

-And that’s just grown ups...kids are worse...WAY worse...- his eyes turned to everyone until landing on mine, -and that’s not the only thing I found,- he said more quietly. I could feel the blood in my face draining because I knew what he meant by that. _He found something, [y/n]. Are you ready to face whatever the fuck it is?_ I give him a little nod which he returned almost discreetly before turning to the guys once more.

-I have more stuff if you want to check out?- Everyone agreed after a long pause, except Eddie. He just shook his head no, but he gave in eventually, and decided to join us.

Once the boys and Bev put their clothes back on, we hopped on our bikes and followed the lead of Ben. We crossed the town, and I stay behind the group while we move. I could feel my sweaty palms slipping away from the handlebars, and I tried to focus on the conversation they were having, but it was just muffled down by my thoughts.

_Whatever it is can’t be that bad right? Right?! I mean, it can...of course it can._

I saw Ben entering the front patio of a house, and running fast inside the front door. The guys do the same, leaving their bikes on the grass and hoping inside, except Eddie. I saw him trying to get off his bike and failing. Lucky for him, Richie helped him up quickly.

Entering the house,Ii could see that it had new remodeling, so the house looked newer than it actually was. I could hear most of the boys upstairs, so I walked behind Eddie and Richie until we reached Ben’s room.

-Wow,- Richie said while fixing his glasses. The whole room was filled with papers stuck to the walls, imagines, articles, and newspaper cutouts. I think every piece of Derry’s history was inside this room. Ben was leaning against the wall.

-Cool, huh?- he asked proudly, and Richie walked towards the back wall, looking closer at everything.

-Nooo, not cool at all,-Richie responded sarcastically. I could see Bill looking at some little cubes though the glass; maybe projector photos? Richie, Eddie, and Stanley were all bunched up at the back, looking at the main wall of documents, and Beverly stayed in the corner reading some type of report.

-Hey, what's this?- I looked over at Stanley, he was pointing at a long piece of paper right in the middle of the wall.

-Oh, that? That’s the Sign for Derry Township.-

-Nerd alert,- Richie commented.

-No, actually...it’s pretty interesting. Derry started as a beaver trapping camp….- Ben explained, but Richie interrupted.

-Still is, amirite boys?- he put his hand up, but Stanley shook his head no.

-91 people signed the contract that made Derry, but later that winter, they all disappeared without a trace...- Ben elaborated.

-The entire camp?- Eddie asked in shock. Ben was still looking at the wall, like he was trying for figure it out himself.

-There were rumors of Indians but.....no sign of an attack. Everyone thought it was the plague or something, but it’s like one day they woke up and left? The only clue was a trail of bloody clothes leading to the well house...- he finished saying, and the boys talked about how they should call a TV show to come to Derry.

My eyes stayed glued to the wall. _This is insane! How can people know about all of this and do nothing about it? Do they even know about all of this? But what is all this again? It’s impossible...all of this was his fault, right?_

_-_ [y/n],- I look to my left to see Ben with a folder, and he looks at everyone. They were all distracted by the moment, so we moved to the other side of the room.

-Ok, so yesterday after you left, I found some stuff. I-It’s all too weird, [y/n]...here- he whispered as he handed me the folder. I hesitated for a moment before I opened it, but my eyes wouldn't look down, I just looked at Ben with eyes that say ‘help me’.

-I’ll try to explain what I found. Remember the photo that we found?- I nod - I tried to find the records of the person, and.....- he hesitated for a moment -.......and this is really weird, but it’s you, [y/n]. I mean, it’s not you, obviously, but.....just look,- he grabbed the folder and rummaged until he put a photo on top of everything.

I could feel my lungs stop working for an eternity. It was small photo, like the ones people carry in the pockets. It was old, like really old, and the person in the photo smiled sweetly. However, I could feel was horror because it was...me? There was not denying it. It was an older version of me. I look at the inscription on the corner, and it took everything for my legs not to give in then and there.

_‘[y/n], May 1908’_

I look up to see Ben in horror, but his face let me know that wasn’t all, he looked at me uncertain before continuing.

-That’s the last photo they ever took of her...I...I found an article...- he put a piece of paper on top of the photo, and it read.

  _20_ _th_ _of April, 1908_

**_‘DEAD BODY NEVER FOUND’_ **

_Yesterday, a body was found under the Bassey Park Bridge. An anonymous citizen found the body after passing by the bridge just hours before the tragic event of The Kitchener Ironworks. Local authorities identified the victim as a 27 year old woman by the name of [y/n] Embers. The authorities labeled the crime as murder since there were signs of struggles and manhandling. Unfortunately, moments after the tragic event was placed, leaving 88 children killed - a total of 102  dead - the body disappeared without trace. No police were at the scene when it happened. This has been placed under serious investigation. Please notify Derry’s Police Service if you have any information on the whereabouts of the missing corpse._

I looked at Ben; the shock of everything was still on my brain, but Ben kept talking.

-They never found the body, [y/n. People soon forgot about it because they were mourning the event of the ironwork. They forgot about her.......but.......that’s not all, [y/n]. It happened again,- I furrowed my brows at him. _What the hell?_

-[y/n] Williams, age 2, died in a crossfire between The Bradley Gang in ‘35, body never found. [y/n] Brown, age 7, her mom worked at The Black Spot, she was there when they burned it down. Her mom survived, she was carrying her child with her, but the body of the child was never found. [y/n], they all look like you, they all have the same first name as you, and.....-

-AND?!- I practically screamed at him. This is too much of information to process.

-Remember when you told me to find something about a Bob Gray?- I nodded my head vigorously. -I found someone called that, long ago. The information wasn’t clear enough, but he seemed to vanish the same day [y/n] Embers died in ‘08. Again, nobody cared, especially since he was a nobody......but, I did find this,- he pulled out an old envelope, -the librarian told me that was the only copy. It was just covered in dust all of these years, since nobody asked for it. She gave it to me in this envelope, so I haven’t seen it yet. It just didn’t feel right to look at it without you...-

I could feel my body shutting down. I didn’t even know how I grabbed the envelope with my hands shaking. Ben looked at me, waiting eagerly for me to open it. I slowly opened it, and I swiftly took out a photo. I held it close to me, so Ben or anyone wouldn't see it. _I almost forgot everyone else was still in the room._ My eyes focused on the picture for a few seconds, the edges of the picture wrinkling from the pressure of my fingers. **_NO._ **

Before I know it, my body was already out of the house, and tears blurred my vision. I could hear someone screaming my name over and over, but I was already on my bike. I pedal until my legs hurt and my breath was almost impossible to catch.

_-Just one. C’mon, do it for me?-_

LIAR

_-I want to capture our laugh forever.-_

_LIAR_

_-Here, one for you and one for me.-_

_LIAR_

_-I promise you.......-_

**_LIES_ **

I snapped out, realizing that I was in a wooded street. A person suddenly came in front of me, and I pressed the brake hard, swerving to the side so I wouldn’t hit the bystander. I stumbled and fell hard onto the ground, and the bike landed on my leg. I cried out in pain before looking up to see who I was about to crash into. I meet the stupid grin of Henry Bowers, and I quickly push the bike away in panic. My body screamed at me to stop and move at the same time, not knowing what threat was worse.

-Where are you going, Freak?- he said while halting his steps. I was already leaning up on the closest tree, the pain was fading away as the adrenaline came through.

-Go fuck yourself, Bowers,- I spoke his name like it was acid on my tongue. Everything that happened moments ago became a second priority. Remembering what he did to Ben, I shot daggers at him with my glare. It seems that he was alone, mind you he’s still very dangerous, just...alone.

-I’m gonna teach you some manners you freak- he said while inching closer to me. Before I even get the chance to run, I feel the push of gravity throwing me the ground. Bowers took his chance to put his weight on top of me, leaving me no room for air or any chance at moving, for that matter. I tried to pry him away by squirming, kicking, and hitting, but to no avail, it was all futile.

Bowers ran his hand through my hair before yanking so hard that I could feel my scalp going numb.

-Disgusting freak...you need to learn,- he let go of my hair, just to strike the first blow on my face. I could feel the taste of blood inside my mouth, and I looked him in the eyes before spitting the mix of blood and saliva on his disgusting face. I could feel his weight waver with the movement of him backing away, so I pushed out hard as I could, and took the chance to stand up. It didn’t work, however, since he noticed my movement, he regained his position.

-Filthy little bitch,- he said, his face coming near mine, and I smiled at him, as sweetly as possible. Strike two came moments after, now there’s blood dripping down my nose.

-What’s the matter, Bowers? Did your friends leave you? Is that why you're throwing a tantrum, you moronic piece of shit.-

Strike three became the blow behind my skull, as he gripped my neck and pushed me down, cutting the only air supply left.

-I will kill you, freak! Maybe a dick in your mouth will make you learn first,- his grip faltered as one hand made his way slowly to his belt, unbuckling in a messy way. He smiled at the terror that crossed my face. -Not so brave now, huh? When I’m done with you, nobody will be able to even recognize your...-

-WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON IN HERE?!!!- The scream boomed around us, and I could see Bowers face becoming one of terror. In one swift move, his body is no longer crushing me down. He remained on the ground, his face cast down and not looking up. I could hear the slow walk of a person coming near, and a blue uniform flashed by my eyes. I looked up to see Bowers’ dad looking down at him.

Bowers became a shivering mess, and his dad just looked at him, his polished black shoe making contact with Henry’s body, over and over again. He didn’t cry in pain, but I could see a few tears stream down his cheek. I stayed there, frozen, wondering how someone that could act like the devil could become a frighten child.

-Your a disgrace son. Go now before I regret letting you live...- Bower’s dad came to a halt with those words. Not a second later, Henry made a break for it, disappearing from the woods.

Mr. Bowers turned towards me, crouching so he could be at my level. Something about him was _off,_ and I’m not talking about how he just beat up his son. No, I've seen Bowers’ dad before. He’s been standing outside with Betty Ripson’s mom everyday, and even if he already looked psychotic like his son, it just doesn’t feel like him right now. His hand stretched towards me, and I jolted at the idea of him touching me, but he placed his hand softly on my swollen face, fingers lingering no more than a second, until reaching the drip of blood that came out of my nose. His fingers wiped the blood before removing his hand from my face. I stared at the tip of his fingers that were wet with the red crimson liquid before I met his eyes. _Were they always blue?_ _I can’t remember?_ His gaze was becoming an unbearable thing to hold as he rose his fingers, taking them to his mouth and sucking on them.

I looked at him in horror, but before I could even process what just happened, he smiled at me with a small familiar grin.

-Peek-a-boo, [y/n].- That definitely wasn’t Mr. Bowers’ voice.

_Come to think of it, why would a police officer be in the woods right at this moment, anyway?_

I closed my eyes for a moment. _No, not right now...please._ I tried to push myself away, moving my hands behind me. I pressed on something smooth and rectangular. _The photo_. I tried to hide it from him, but I could feel a gloved hand grab my leg. It dragged slowly from the bottom of my leg, all the way up until reaching my wrist. Once I opened my eyes, I was greeted by Pennywise’s face. His body wasn’t pressing on mine, but he was towering over me, shielding me from anything that could see. His face was close, eyes scanning my entire body, as if he was trying to find something.

-Who are you?- I asked. _Or maybe he asked it? I don’t really know who asked it._

_-_ Don’t remember yet, [y/n]? I think you know who I am...- he answered in a much softer tone than I expected. _I guess I was the one who asked the question._

-I don’t know anything.- _Nothing but lies,_ _the heart says._

_-_ YOU KNOW WHO I AM, YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE, SAY IT!-

I remained quiet; I could see his anger growing stronger

-SAY IT!- he screamed at my face, backing away for moment.

-You’re Bob Gray,- I simply said while the photo crumbled inside my hand. _A photo of us, except that isn’t you and that isn’t me. THOSE ARE LIES._

I could only feel a jarring pain at my shoulder. He had sunk his teeth in me, and I screamed hard as his teeth touched my bones. Soon enough, the scream halted as the adrenaline dulled down my pain. His mouth was dripping with blood, _my blood,_ making his ruffled collar stain with the color.

-AND YOU'RE MINE! MINE TO DEVOUR! MINE TO TAKE! MINE TO HAVE! MINE!- He screamed. In my mind, everything that Ben showed me today came to me.

-YOU KILLED ME! YOU DID IT!- I said sobbing. _It’s not the bite that hurts, it’s the Truth._ His face became filled with hate and he let out a snarling scream that practically made the earth itself tremble.

- _THEY_ KILLED YOU! EVERYONE IN THIS TOWN DID IT, AND NOW THEY WILL PAY! THEIR CHILDREN AND GRANDCHILDREN, THEY WILL ALL PAY FOR WHAT THEY DID!- his voice became distorted with each word.

-WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? HOW CAN IT POSSIBLY BE THEIR FAULT?!!- I screamed at him, his face was merely an inch from mine, our breaths becoming one.

-You will remember in time...- his voice became softer, but still filled with anger. His blue eyes were no longer peering down at me. He just...disappeared.

And along with him, the photo of us was no longer in my hands.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ I'd like to thank PeblezQ for being my amazing Editor and Beta Reader! ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

I open my eyes with effort, my whole body screaming at me while a move to get out of bed. It’s been a couple days since the accident, but luckily I could cover most of the wounds, especially the shoulder one. I convinced my mom that I fell off the bike since the chain broke loose. At first, she insisted that I go to the hospital, but after a while of convincing her that the only thing needed was rest, I locked myself in room. After the first day, all of the losers started calling my house. Mom let them know that I was sick and wouldn’t come out soon. She led me be, thinking that the tears I was shedding was from the pain from the wounds. When the week began, and she had to return to work, I shielded myself in my room. I opened the bathroom door, and the light flickered for a moment.

The image that was reflected in the mirror was a nightmare itself, my eyes were puffy from the crying, my hair was a oily mess, the places where bowers punched me was now a fading bruise on my cheek, the color purple changing to one more yellowish. I removed my shirt and examined myself, my eyes were dry from all the crying, and I held down a new sob coming on. The bite already healed by now, incredibly fast I may add, but it didn’t fade. Each bump of the flesh where the teeth sunk in was a constant reminder of what happened.  _ Marked like a cattle for the take. _

I scrubbed the wound, hoping that it would just disappear, washed down by the water, but that was impossible. I get out of the shower, covering myself, and not once glancing at my reflection again. It must be later than I thought, giving that the day was sunny and the sun was at the top of the sky, shining the summer light every kid wants. Small knocks on the door made me look at the hallway, and I stopped for a second, looking at the wooden front door hesitantly. _ Mom should be at work.  _ The knocks returned once more, and they were soft but determined. I took a deep breath.  _ It’s already too late lo be scared.  _

_ - _ Holy shit, [y/n]! What happened to you?!- My eyes met Eddie’s, and I could feel my body releasing the breath it was holding. He entered quickly, looking at me with worry.

-Hey, Ed. What are you doing here?- I asked softly, and his face changed into an angry scowl.

-What do you mean ‘what am I doing here’?! We’ve been worried sick, [y/n]! Bill said your mom wouldn’t let him see you, and every time someone called you at home, she would say the same thing. You ran out of Ben's house, and nobody knew what happened, AND LOOK AT YOU!! WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?!- his voice became squeaky and erratic, and he reached to his fanny pack and pulled out his inhaler, taking a deep breath from the medicine.

I casted my eyes down in shame. He was right, I was so deep in what happened a few days ago that I forgot about them.

-I’m sorry, Eddie. I-I-I didn’t want you guys to see me like this, I-I fell off my bike and......-

-Bullshit,- he cut me off, -Those are not bruises from falling off your bike. Someone did that….- he got really quiet, -was it your mom?- he looked at me with worry, -no, it wasn’t her, was.....was it Bowers?- I flinched at the name, and I heard the pump from the inhaler go off again. -Th-that bastard! He should be dead, he’s going to hell for what he’s done! First Ben, and now...now look at you!- he looked at me with sadness. I wanted to tell him, tell him that what he was seeing wasn’t the reason of my isolation, I didn’t care about Bowers, he was a scared little child with a knife. No, it wasn’t the bruises on my face, it was the mark in my shoulder. What I knew and learned that day and what I didn’t. I was afraid to learn the rest of the truth and what implies, I’m scared that I  _ want _ to know.

-C’mon, you need some fresh air,- I feel Eddie reaching my hand and pulling me outside the front door. -The guys and I thought that I should visit you first to see what kind of sickness you have so we could all buy you the medicine. We all pitched in money. Bev, Ben, Stan, Bill, even Richie. He said that you probably didn’t need medicine, but he was the one to put twenty dollars in the jar,- he smiled, recalling the memory, - I don’t think you need cold medicine, you just need to spend time with us. Forget about what happened, [y/n]. I know that we can’t fight Bowers and his stupid gang even if we want to, but you can always count on us. You’re a loser, remember?- Ed looked at me and smiled, which I returned gladly. My heart felt lighter with every word he spoke.

_ - _ You’re our friend,- I turned around as a voice next to me reached my ears. I see Bev smiling and coming closer until her arms reach my neck, holding me in a warm hug. -If I ever see Bowers again, I’ll try to kill him,- she whispered in my ear, her sweet voice became one of determination and anger, she let me go and nodded, letting me understand that she meant what she said.

-Let’s go, the guys are waiting,- Eddie said while turning around. I furrowed my brow.

-Where are we going?- I asked, and Ed just smiled and waved his hand, motioning for me to follow him. I just returned the smile and followed them.

We walked for a while, reaching the downtown area. I could spot the guys sitting on a bench. We were behind them, so they haven’t noticed us yet. I felt a little nervous, but as soon as Eddie called them, they turned around. After a few seconds of shock, they all came crushing me into a giant group hug.

-Jesus fucking christ, [y/n]! You look terrible!- Richie said, trying to sound sarcastic but I could hear his voice cracking with worry. Eddie explained the bruises and that Bowers was to blame.

-Yu-yu-you should’ve told us-s- Bill said. -W-we’ve been worried si-sick!- I nodded slowly. I could feel Stanley gazing at my face, his eyes lingering on the bruise. He didn’t say anything, just crushed me in another hug. I spotted Ben behind the group, his stance was nervous. He gave me a little smile which I returned.

We stayed in the plaza for a while, after asking me all the questions they had about the incident, in which I lied.  _ After I left the house, I crashed into Bowers, and fell off my bike. He punched me and I got a chance to run away, but since he was on foot and I was on a bike, he didn’t catch up to me. _

_ - _ But why did you run off from Ben’s house in the first place?- Richie asked.

-I.....I-I......- I tried to think of something, but my mind was blank. I thought that after leaving the house, Ben would have told them about everything he had found. My eyes juggled across each member of the club until reaching Ben’s.

-I showed her a photo of a dead person. I didn’t think [y/n] would freak out like that,- he quickly said, and everyone turned to look at him. Stanley reached over and slapped the back of Ben's head.

-Not cool, Ben!- Stan said sternly. Ben caressed the back of his head and nodded. We stayed in silence after a moment.

-Well, who wants ice cream?- Richie asked while standing up. -[Y/n], chocolate right?- he asked me, and I smirked with a nod.

-I’ll go with you,- Eddie said while following behind Richie. Bev and Bill started talking while Stanley said he’ll go to the bathroom, I moved closer to Ben.

-You didn’t tell them?- I whispered, his eyes lingered at Bev's direction for one moment before looking at me.

-They asked, they actually yelled at me after you left, but I didn’t think that it was the right thing to do, especially if you're not the one to tell them yourself,- That statement make me think.  _ Should I tell them about everything? _ At this point it felt like the more I hide it, the more danger they could be in.

-[y/n],- Ben's voice made me drop my thought, -do you remember anything? I know that even with all the information we found, it could just all be a coincidence, but...I think you know that there’s something else here, something else is happening here, the town, the incidents, the missing kids, you, it all seems....I don’t know...-

_ Yeah, they all have one thing in common. _

-Ben, there......- I started to speak but something blocked my vision. I moved my head back a little to see a chocolate ice cream right in front of my face. Richie moved it and placed the cold chocolate in my nose, laughing at my now chocolate nose.

\- You look like have shit on your nose. HAVE you been smelling Eddie’s mom's ass?- he asked with false shock, adding a melodramatic gasp for effect. -[Y/n]! I would’ve thought better of you!-

I rolled my eyes, a giggle coming out my mouth, quickly becoming a laugh.  _ I missed them, I really did. _

Soon enough we all started making jokes and snarks, forgetting my conversation with Ben, and everything that happened until now. After a few hours of talking and messing around, Eddie looked at his clock.

-I have to go guys,- he announced while getting up from the bench.

-Why?-

-I have to look for some medicine and head home or mom’s gonna kill me.-

-I’ll walk with you until Costello Avenue,- Richie said, standing up and hugging me. -Don’t ever hide again, loser, or I’ll kick your ass, ok?- Richie sad before Eddie hugged me.

-Yeah, we’ll be next to you when something happens.-

_ Are you sure about that? _

The afternoon came, the sky became a warm orange tone. The light posts lit up, warming the streets. The curfew was around the corner, so everyone soon decided to head home, Bill and I walked home together.

-He thrust he-he-his f-fist ah-against the po-posts and he still insist h-he s-sees the g-g-g-go...- he huffed in anger. It’s been awhile since I heard Bill saying it, the first time he couldn’t even reach half the sentence.

-Hey! You did great, don’t be mad at yourself. Only one word left.-

-It’s because y-you are only he-here with me, i-if I was in class I-I wouldn’t even s-say two words- he said sadly. It’s true, I remember the first time I saw the teacher point at him to answer a question, he tried for two minutes but he just got stuck on the first word.

-Still, you did great, an accomplishment is an accomplishment,- he looked at me wearily but I smiled with reassurance.

-Thanks, [y/n]. I forgot h-how much I.....we all miss you, e-even if was just a couple o-of days.- My face grew warm. I missed them too.

We reached Bill’s house and we said our goodbyes. The walk home didn’t feel as lonely as usual, I have never had friends like them, but I have never been more glad to know them, despite everything. I opened the front door, the lights were still off.  _ Mom should be here soon.  _ The ring of the phone was resonating around the house, so I quickly moved to answer it. Hesitating for moment, my hand lingered on the phone before grabbing it and pressing the call button.

-Hello?- I said quietly. I could hear the person on the phone sniffling and letting a breath of relief.

-[Y/n],- I hear Bev call my name, it sounded like she’s been crying for a while. I froze on the spot, nervous for a bad news.

-Bev?! What happened? Is everything alright?!- I asked, and she just let out another sob. She took a deep breath before talking.

-The.....the bathroom, it’s filled with blood, i-its......blood, my....dad, he couldn’t.......he didn’t......he just...- she was speaking in shock before crying again. I tried to piece together what she was trying to tell me.

-Do you want me to come there? I could be there in one.....-

-NO!- she quickly says. -No no, not right now. Tomorrow, tell the guys, please, I need everyone to see this, this is...fucked up...-

-Ok ok, tomorrow. I’ll call the guys so we can be there as soon as possible. I just want you to be Ok Bev. Please call me if anything else happens, no matter the hour. If your want to come here, I could tell my mom to pick you up, just tell me,- I could hear that she was more calm by now.

-Thanks, [y/n]. I think I’ll be fine tonight. It’s just really weird. I don’t want you guys to think that I’m crazy. It’s just the voices, and the sink and the blood, and my dad didn’t even flinch like nothing was there. It just feels like a nightmare. Maybe it is...I’m just scared.-

I could feel my nails dig in my skin with the pressure I was putting, feeling my body shaking in anger.  _ I know what this means, and who to blame.  _

Once Bev hang up, I slammed the phone on the table. Mom’s not home yet so I just let it all out......

**-MOTHERFUCKER!-**


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ I'd like to thank PeblezQ for being my amazing Editor and Beta Reader! ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

The next day came slow, after Beverly called, I couldn’t bare go back to sleep. A pool of emotions were mixing inside me, to kick that clown's ass was my primary feeling, but the worry that this was the first time he actually did something to them, or maybe nobody wanted to say anything, and that would be worse. Who knew what might happen from now on?

Once it was morning, I called everyone, saying that we'll meet at Bill’s house and go to Beverly’s. After I said that it was an emergency, nobody asked questions after that. I left to Bill’s house, Stan and Ben were already there. Eddie and Richie came just a few minutes later.

-What do you think happened?- Richie asked, we were already moving towards Main Street. My eyes stayed glued to the river coming in view, following every movement just in case I could spot something that wasn't supposed to be there.

\- [Y/n] said it’s an emergency, it doesn’t matter what happened, Rich,- Stanley responded.

-C’mon guys, let’s move it,- Bill said before moving faster. Everyone picked up their pace, making our way across the bridge just before Bev’s house. I could hear the train passing nearby.

-Let’s go by the alley,- Stanley suggested before turning right next to the building.

-The alley is disgusting,- Eddie complained, and soon enough him and Stanley started bickering. I could see the end of the building, the black emergency stairs popping out and Beverly coming down as fast as she could, we stopped and dropped our bikes to walk over to her.

-Bev, it’s ok, we’re here,- I said while hugging her. She was trying to catch her breath.

-You guys made it....I-I need you to show you something.-

-What is it?- Ed asked with worry.

-Is it more than what we saw at the Quarry?-

-Shut up! Just shut up, Richie!- Ed snapped back at him fast.

-My dad will kill me if he knew that I had boys in the apartment,- Bev said nervously. I had never seen Bev’s dad before, she insisted that I or any of the boys should never meet that asshole, and by the look of it, I’m glad we didn’t.

-W-We’ll leave a lookout,- Bill said before turning to Richie as he approached Bev. -Richie, stay here.-

-Woah woah woah woah, what if her dad comes back?!- Richie exasperated, looking at us with his hand extended.

-Do what you always do, start talking,- Stanley answered in a stern but tired tone. We start to go up the stairs, hearing Richie talk before we walk in the apartment.

-It is a gift...-

We soon entered the apartment. I’ve been here just a couple of times for a short amount of time. It was a small apartment, and the color of the walls were fading and a little beat up. She’d said that her dad cared very little about how they live, but she tried her best to keep her room as best as she could. Bev headed towards the hallway with us behind her closely, and she stopped once she reached the small space that leads towards the bathroom door. Bill noticed her hesitation and started towards the door, taking the lead.

-In there,- Bev said while moving along with Bill, everyone close behind.

-What is it?- Stanley asked.

-You’ll see,- is the only thing that she says. I could hear Eddie swallow.

-Are you taking us to your bathroom? I just want you to know that 89% of the worst accidents in a house are caused in the bathroom, and that's where all the bacteria and fungi are....and it’s not a safe place to....-

I could see Ed entering in shock as soon as Bill pushed the door open. Everyone including myself stopped breathing for a moment. The bathroom was covered in blood, and the windows casted down the light from the outside, making it seem red as a nightmare. 

-I knew it,- Eddie said trying to keep control and not puke right then and there.

-You see it?- Bev asked, and I looked up to her filled with confusion.  _ How can we not? It looks like a murder scene for crying out loud! _

_ - _ What happened in here?-

-My dad couldn’t see it, I thought that I might be crazy...-

-If you’re crazy, then we’re all crazy,- Ben said.

-Nobody’s crazy...We just have to clean this up,- I said, and Bill looked at me with a nod before turning his eyes towards the bloody room again.

-[y/n]’s right...We c-can’t leave it like this,- and with that he stepped inside slowly looking at the mess.

-We’re going to need so much cleaning supplies,- I said while looking at Bev. She nodded and signaled me to follow her. Once far enough so the boys don’t hear I asked, -Bev, what happened last night?- I keep chanting in my head ‘ _ please don’t tell me you saw a clown’  _ over and over again. She bit the inside of her bottom lip as she opened the cabinet where all the cleaning supplies are _. _

_ - _ Last night,- she begin, her eyes still on the cabinet, -when I got home, something fell out of my backpack, it was a postcard,- she smiled a little at the memory, -I went into the bathroom, and sat down in the bathtub so I could read it, but....I know it all sounds crazy, [y/n], but I heard voices. They were coming from the sink. They were kid voices, and at first I thought it was my imagination...I even stupidly thought that it could be fairies or something. They said they wanted to meet me, but.....when I asked for their name.....they all said the missing kids names. Patrick, Betty, and the rest. I freaked out, but then I remembered that Bill told me that you guys found Betty’s shoe in the sewer. I-I-I didn’t know what to do, so I picked up my dad’s measuring tape, but it just keep going and going and going, it just seemed impossible. When i tried to take it out it was covered in blood and hair. Then, it grabbed me.....I-I couldn’t....... [y/n], I tried, but it wouldn’t let me go,- she started crying and dried her tears roughly. I came close to her and lightly grabbed her arm so she could look at me.

-Hey, hey,it’s okay. I know that you’re scared...Hell, I’d be terrified if that happened to me, but we’re right here, alright? You guys said it yourself: we protect each other, no matter what,-  _ Even if that means facing him again...   _ -Now come on, we have a very gross bathroom to clean up.-

It took a while to clean everything. Eddie had his inhaler on his mouth the entire time, Stanley was cleaning everything meticulously, and Bill and Ben took chances every five minutes to stop and talk to Beverly. This was a mess, and it should never had happened in the first place. It felt like everything was becoming too much; everything that Ben found, the dreams, and now this. Nothing had an answer, and I felt like I should know how to put all the pieces together.  _ He _ said that I will know everything soon, and this feels like some type of warning. I stop, realizing that I started subconsciously rubbing my shoulder.  _ God dammit! _

I grabbed the final bag filled with bloody garbage, leaving Bev, Ben, and Bill behind in the bathroom. I could feel the heat of the day as I walked outside; it’s probably twelve o’clock by now. I spotted Eddie and Stanley talking to Richie, and I hurried down the stairs, stopping as a flash of red popped up in the sky. I squinted, hovering my arm over my head to block the sunlight as I got a better look at the sky. It was a single red balloon just floating up in the air.  _ He’s mocking me, isn’t he? _

I head straight to the dumpster, throwing the bag with much more force than necessary. I took a deep breath and joined the boys.

-That’s disgusting, Stan. She probably had her period and it exploded all over the bathroom,- I hear Richie say, and my brow furrowed in anger.

-Richie! For fuck sake, don’t be a fucking ass for today! And if you say that period joke in front of Beverly I’m gonna stick a pole in your ass and play street fighter with you as a punching bag!-  _ Ok, maybe all the anger came out the wrong way, [y/n]. _

The boys looked shocked, to say the least, and Richie was mouthing a ‘woah’ as he put his hand on his heart.

-So hot, [y/n],- he said, and for once, I was glad he took everything as a joke. I still scowled at him.

-Ugh, shut up Richie.-

The cracking sound of the metal stairs made us turn around. Ben was coming towards us, while Bev and Bill were starting to come down.

-Everything ready?- I asked, and Ben quietly nodded. He looked kinda gloomy.

-So, what now?-

-I don’t want to stay at home. How about we go to the movies or something,- Bev suggested. It seemed everyone agreed, so we started walking with our bikes. Nobody wanted to ride, even if was in a quiet pace. Everyone was tired from cleaning,well, everyone except Richie. He was just riding in circles around us.

-My god, you fuckers are taking so long I almost entered a coma. It’s Ok, I love to be your dormant.-

-Shut up Richie.-

-Yeah shut up.-

-Oh, OK, I get it, trashy the trash mouth. Hey! I wasn’t the one scrubbing the bathroom floor, imagining that the sink went all Eddie’s mom’s vagina on Halloween,- Richie said, and I glared at him, but he gave me a look that says  _ ‘It wasn’t her vagina’. _

Everyone suddenly came to halt. I looked at Bill, he pursed his lips before speaking.

-She didn’t imagine it...- he said in a somber tone, -I-I s-s-saw something too.- 

_ No no no no don’t tell me..... _

_ - _ You saw blood too?- Stanley asked, but Bill shook his head no.

-No blood, I saw G-Ge-Georgie,- I could feel the panic racing through my body.  _ Why didn’t you say something Bill?  _ I tried to say it but he just kept talking. -It seemed so real, I mean it seemed like him, but there was this.......-

-The clown,- I snapped my head to look at Eddie.

_ - _ Yeah, I saw him too...- everyone’s eyes went to Ben directions, and he just nodded, Stanley too.

_ This can’t be happening.  _

If it wasn’t for the bike to hold me up, I would be on the pavement by now. My mouth was dry.  _ Oh god, how long has this been going on? Nobody told me anything or mentioned it. I can’t believe it, he was actually tormenting them, and it was my fault. _

_ - _ Guys.....- I called out softly. I have to tell them, who knows what could happen if this keeps going on. Everyone looked at me.

\- [Y/n], a-are you Ok? D-Did you see something too?- Bill asked with worry.

-I-I know him- I said, they all looked at me dumbfounded. I swallowed hard before continuing. -I’ve been seeing him since I arrived in town. At first, I didn’t know if it was real, but then......-

-Wait, can virgins only see this stuff? Is that why I’m not seeing any of this shit?- Richie asked sarcastically, and I turned to look at him with pleading eyes.

-No! Richie this isn’t a joke. Guys, I don’t know how to explain this. I-I thought that if I stay quiet, maybe you guys would be out of sight....Oh God, what have I done...-

-[Y/n], I don’t get what you’re saying. What do you mean?- Beverly asked confused. Everyone seemed to finally process everything that I just said. I could feel Stanley’s eyes looking at me wearily for a moment, and I looked at Ben with pleading eyes. _ You know what I’m talking about. _

_ - _ Does this have anything to do with.....- Ben said, making the connection in his head, but screams came through the woods, cutting him off.

-Oh shit, that’s Bill Higgins car. We should get out of here,- Eddie commented fast. Everyone looked at the car and the screams returned. _ This isn’t good. _

-Wait, isn’t that the home-schooled kid’s bike?- Bill asked while pointing at the old bike that was laying on one side of the road.

-Yeah, that’s Mike’,s- Eddie said.  _ He’s alone with Bowers gang. How long could they have been terrorizing him? _

-We have to help him!- Bev shouted as she looked at me.  _ She’s right. _

-We have to?-

-Yes! Look what he did to [y/n] and Ben! If that asshole keeps doing that, somebody’s gonna be killed! Besides, I promised someone that I would kill that bastard if I ever saw him again,- she said while winking at me, and I smirked at her for a moment before nodding in response.

-Come on you guys!-

We dropped our bikes in the middle of the street, and I could see everyone preparing for battle. We were moving fast between the tall grass. We were coming closer to the river, and Bev pointed at one spot. We could see those assholes on top of someone, laughing and screaming in their face. My blood boiled at the sight.

Once Beverly got the other side of the river bank, she grabbed a rock and threw it, hitting Bowers on the head head with good force. The rest of us joined her side moments later.

-Nice throw,- Stanley commented, rather impressed. Bowers stood up to look at us, his eyes landing on mine. He slightly backed away, but once he noticed the bruises, he smiled deviously.

-Nice bruises you got there, freak. Too bad I couldn’t thrust my dick in your mouth. Oh well, maybe next time,- he said triumphantly.

-Go fuck yourself, Bowers!- Richie screamed, and everyone followed with rage.

-You fucking asshole!-

\- You will pay for everything Bowers!-

-Y-you w-wont intimidate us no more!-

-Asshole, you should be dead for what you’ve done!- Bev screamed filled with rage, slowly moving closer towards the river.

-You’re trying too hard, bitch,- he spoke like he was telling a joke. -She will do you, you know? You just have to ask nicely, like I did,- he caress his crotch and laughed.

Ben screamed with rage and threw a rock. We all looked at each other before doing the same. Some landing on the ground, and others on Bowers and some of his goons.

_ OH, it’s on bitch. _

_ - _ ROCK WAR!!- Richie screamed on top of his lungs before a massive rock crashed on his forehead.

_ Ok maybe this wasn’t the best idea. _

Rocks fly everywhere, and we tried our best to hit them and that they definitively didn’t hit us. At one point, nobody knew what was going on, we would just grab a rock and hope for the best. Except Eddie, damn that boy was doing his best. The goonies left Bowers alone, escaping from the raining rocks and leaving him behind.  _ So much for friendship, huh? _

Bowers was on the dirt, and he looked shook and beat up. He looked up at us with defeat, and we took the chance to flee in case they returned. We helped Mike up, the poor guy was limping and beat up.

-Are you ok?- I asked him while helping him up. He nodded before taking my hand for stability.

-Yeah, they punched me a few times, but I think I’m gonna be ok.- We started walking back towards the bikes, taking our time since those assholes probably already left with their car.

-I know the feeling,- I smiled at him, his glance moving briefly towards the bruise. I could see shock in his eyes.

-I’m [y/n],- I introduced myself, and he looked at me shyly before smiling.

-I’m Mike, nice to meet you.- I grinned at his politeness, and his eyes looked up to the rest of the group. -Thank you for helping me, but now they’ll come for you guys.-

-Who, Bowers? Oh no, he’s always after us… [y/n] isn't’ the only one who has marks to prove that. We’ve all been terrorized by him,- Eddie stated with his eyes trained on his shoes and the dirt, and some heads amongst the group nodded in confirmation. 

-Yeah, homeschool, welcome to ‘The Losers Club’!- Richie said loudly, and everyone smiled at that, especially Mike.

We finally made our way to the street, our bikes were still on the street. As I suspected, the car was gone, and there was no sign of those assholes anywhere.

-Thank God, for a moment I thought that they would wait for us and run us over with that fucking car,- Richie said and Eddie looked at him.

-Richie, don’t fucking say that. You know what being run over implies? Depending on the car impact and the speed, we-we could have major brain damage or a broken pelvis. A study showed once that a car going twenty miles per hour could cost major damage to a body. Those assholes don’t go twenty miles per hour Richie! They go faster! They would kill us!- Eddie was becoming erratic, his hands on his fanny pack so he could take his inhaler any second.

-Eddie, Eddie!- I called him so his attention was on me, -It’s ok, nobody’s going to be run over. There’s literally no car, and even if there was, this is a straight street. We would see a car coming towards us,  before it could hit us, so calm down!- I spoke sternly, but with softness still in my voice. He seemed to call down since his hand let go of his fanny pack.

-So, what do we do know?- Stanley said while looking at everyone.

-Mike, do you need to go to the hospital?- Bev asked while looking at Mike, and Bill stepped up beside her.

-W-we’ll come with you i-if you need us.-

-Yeah, when Bowers cut me, these guys helped patch me up, and even if Eddie did a good job, a doctor could probably do a better job,- Ben said while smiling at Eddie, remembering what he did that day. Eddie turned to look at Mike and nodded.

-Yeah, I mean, I’m not a doctor, even though I know some stuff,- he said sweetly.

-Ed, you know every disease that a human being could get,- Stanley said in a deadpan tone, but then he laughed, and everyone followed.

-I think I’m just gonna head home for today. Besides, you guys took some hits as well, so don’t just worry about me,- Mike said, and we all looked at each other. Our clothes were dirty and wet, Richie was bleeding from his head, and everyone had scrapes on their arms and legs.

-Yeah, maybe that’s a good idea,- Richie said, touching his forehead. The blood was dry by now, but the part where the rock hit him was swollen.

-Hey, how about you meet us tomorrow at the movies? If you’re feeling better, of course,- I asked Mike, and he nodded and smiled, reaching for his bike and hopping on it.

-Then I’ll see you guys tomorrow. Thank you again for helping me. I don’t know what would’ve happened if you guys didn’t show up.- Everyone said goodbyes before Mike took off.

-We should be going home as well. My mom’s gonna yell at me for not only the scrapes, but also for why the hell my shoes are wet,- Eddie said, already preparing himself for the lecture his mom is going to give him.

-Me too. I mean, I got fucking hit in the forehead with a rock,- Richie said.

We all decided that home was the best option. Once the adrenaline wore off, I could feel my body was exhausted, and I go near Beverly while grabbing the bike.

-Hey,- I said, calling her attention quietly. She looked at me and gave me a little smile. -Are you gonna be ok going home alone? Wanna come to my place?- I asked, and she put her hands behind in her jean pockets, thinking for a second.

-Its ok, [y/n]. I’ll be fine. I think these past few days have been not only weird, but exhausting. Besides, my dad wouldn’t let me if I tell him now, and your mom is probably gonna kill us when she sees that you got hurt, again,- she said the last part jokingly, and I nodded sadly at that. Everyone wanted to have their own space and rest except for me, it seemed.

-Ok, but if anything else happens, you call me, ok?- she nodded with a gleaming smile. I suddenly feel someone watching us, and turned to see Stanley was looking at me. His face was expressionless, but his eyes show a little anger behind them.

-Stan?- I asked, walking a few steps towards him. I could see his knuckles turning white at the pressure he was putting on the handle, and I furrowed my brows.

-You said something before, a-about knowing him. What does that mean, [y/n]?- he asked wearily. I felt my heart skip a beat.  _ That’s right _ . I took step closer to him, but I could see his body becoming tense. -[Y/n], what does that mean?- he repeated stronger,  and everyone turned to look at us. I opened my mouth, but closed it again.  _ I don’t know yet. _

_ - _ C’mon, Stanley. Everyone’s tired, [y/n] will tell us later, right?- Ben came close to Stan, looking at me for an answer. I just nodded slightly. Everyone looked at me for a moment, and for the first time I felt a strange distance between me and them.

Everyone rode their bikes in silence for the first time, and we soon  make our separate ways, leaving me and Bill alone on Wicthham Street.

\- Stanley d-didn’t mean anything b-by da-da-that, [y/n]. He’s yu-just tired after everything,- Bill said with encouragement. I turned to look at him, and he gave me a sweet smile. -Eh-everything’s going to be ok.- We reached his home and said our goodbyes.

_ I don’t know if that’s true, Billy. _

I walked home, my body was begging for rest, but I just couldn’t get Stanley’s questioning gaze out of my mind. They need to know everything that I know, even if I’m not sure how this plays out, but they were being harassed by him; they deserve to know. Keeping it quiet is bad in the long run, but Ben kept it quiet, knowing that it is better if I just tell them myself. However, he didn’t see the photo...he didn’t see  _ us. _

As usual, the lights were off when I arrived at home. The sun was barely setting and by now, mom was arriving after the curfew. She always checks that I’m home before going to her bedroom. I walked right to my room, not even glancing at the kitchen or the living room. I opened the door, and my eyes landed on the moving curtains. The window was open, letting in a night summer breeze. I looked around the room before even moving an inch from the door. Everything seemed to be in place. The bed was still badly made, the drawers are closed, nothing was on the floor, and the music box............the music box wasn’t there.

_ Shit. _

A small laugh made me swing me head up. There was a small child, his head barely peeking outside the window, and he look at me with an innocent smile.

-Hey,- he said with a playful tone. I could see a yellow raincoat peeking over his shoulder.

-Hi,- I answered warily, -a-are you lost by any chance?- I asked and he shook his head.  _ Of course not. _

_ - _ He said that if you wanted it back, you should float with me.- Once he finished his sentence he took off, wobbling while he ran towards the woods. I took a deep breath. I tried to look for something to defend myself with, but time was running out. I wearily rubbed my shoulder before moving to the window and jumping out.

_ You’re a fucking asshole for what you’ve done to them. _

The deeper I walked into the woods, the angrier I felt.  _ These games, these tricks, these mysteries... I’m tired! I’m tired of this bullshi!, I’m tired of not understand anything, and now everyone is paying a terrible price because of me. _

_ - _ R-E-M- the kid started to spell something in a strange little melody, -E-B-E-R-

His voice was quiet, becoming a murmur which each letter. He said the words to fast that I couldn’t catch up. It had something to do with _love?_ He was humming by now, humming the lullaby from the music box.

The day was getting darker by the minute, and soon enough I’ll be alone in the woods at night. I came to a halt. A massive rock was in front of me, and of top of that.....

-My music box,- I said quietly, and the kid smiled one last time before running and hiding behind the rock.

I decided to ignore the creepy kid and just grab my music box as fast as I could. As soon as I moved closer, a long familiar arm stretched up behind the rock, placing his gloved finger delicately on top of the music box. It opened it, and the lullaby started to play. An eerie feeling crawled up my back.

A humming followed it soon enough, his gruff voice perfectly syncing with the tune. He came out from behind the rock, his tall build making his way towards me. His hands were behind him, and each move he made was slow and rhythmical, like he was dancing very slowly.

I started pacing backwards, something about his calmness was more disturbing than anything. The memories of Bev and everything that everyone has lived through made me stand my ground.

-You asshole, you’ve been tormenting my friends. You’ve hurt them, making them see stuff that terrifies them. YOU covered Beverly’s bathroom in blood, Eddie has seen you, Ben, Bill, and even Stanley! Why don’t you leave them alone? They’re already scared shitless!-  

He stopped humming, and his smile became wide and filled with more teeth than normal. His steps remained slow, and one arm stretched his hand out, softly reaching to me.

-They are not your friends, [y/n]. Nobody in this town is. Everyone is filled with blood on their hands, stained their newborn children with the red crimson of hate,- his voice was full of hate and anger, contrasting with the soft tone and the lullaby that quietly sounded behind us.

His body slowly bowed at the motion, and I shook my head no. _ He’s not listening to me.  _ I took bigger steps backwards until I my back impacted with what I assume is a tree. I tried to move from it, but as soon as I did, two arms snaked around my back. I was pulled into his chest, and one hand was placed on mine. I tried to fight him off, but his grip was too strong, and his face was towering over mine. I should have closed my eyes, but something about this felt like deja vu. His face was soon directly in front of mine.

-Remember...- his tone was so soft that I wouldn’t have heard him from a step away.  _ What? _

In that moment my head exploded with pain, so much that I closed my eyes and screamed. I tried to wrestle out of the grip, but it seems impossible now. The pain was numbing my body, and it seemed that the only sound was that stupid music box. The soft tunes became resonating gongs.  **_Shut UP!_ **

_ -I have something for you.- _

Images came crashing in my mind, like playing a movie in the darkness of my eyelids. I let out a sob, tears forming in my eyes.  **_NO, please, I don’t want to see this, please._ **

_ -Really, you, Bob Gray, giving me something? Is this one of your acts for the show? Is a clown going to pop out of here? Or should I call you Pennywise The Dancing Clown? - the tone was playful and romantic, and a small box was placed between them. _

_ -I made it for you. There’s something underneath, but promise that you won’t look at it until tomorrow,- his voice was mellow and sweet.  _ **_LIES._ **

_ Fingers caress the box with care. -Bob, this...this is amazing! You remembered that sunflowers are my  _ **_favorite flowers-_ ** _ the music box was open, revealing the song and the interior. -I love it, the carousel, the song, it reminds me of us. I feel like this is too much, and I haven’t given you anything.- _

_ -You did, you just don’t realize it.- _

**_Get out from my HEAD!_ **

**_GET OUT!_ **

My eyes flew open, pushing him away. My body was shaking madly and I couldn’t stop crying.

-YOU'RE A LIAR!- I screamed. I didn’t look up at him...I  _ couldn’t _ look up at him. -THIS IS ALL BULLSHIT! THIS ISN’T REAL! THIS COULDN'T BE! THIS, THIS...- Everything I am, every single part of my body was filled with hate, rage, anger, and I looked at him.

-You’re a monster,- I quietly said. I knew inside, a part of me, that meant more than it seemed to be. Deep inside, saying those words hurt me as much as it did to him. For the first time, I could see something different crawling in his eyes.  **Pain.**

**-Let’s see how much of a monster I can be, then...-**

And with that, he was gone. _Son of a bitch!_


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ I'd like to thank PeblezQ for being my amazing Editor and Beta Reader! ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

The morning light came in through the window, and I opened to let the fresh air wash over me. Looking ahead in deep thought, my mind crossed a thousand ways to organize everything I knew in a simple and calm way, but every time it ends up becoming a jumble of messes and ideas.

I took a deep breath, my hands digging in the handle of the window. Outside, a woman was watering the plants, her chubby face lit up as her kids walked out the door to meet her, each giving her a kiss on the cheek before going off with roller-blades on. They passed an old man who was walking his dog, a tiny cotton white dog was proudly carrying a ball in its mouth. Everything seems so normal, so peaceful, and yet the truth was far beyond these people and this town. They must know, they turn a blind eye at every missing kid poster, ignoring the signs that lead to danger, but again, what could they do? Fear was stronger and ignorance was the blind solution.

I turned away, the room was dark, contrasting the shiny summer morning outside. I looked at my night stand one last time, dust covered the lone and unused wooden top. My eyes became dry from staring at it, and my heart clenched tightly with memory. _He did this. Why did he do this?_

_-_ Honey, c’mon! I can have breakfast with you before I go. Can you please come?- I could hear mom calling from the kitchen. I moved slowly towards the kitchen, mom was all dressed up for work. Since they canceled the morning meeting, she could stay for a little while. She turned around and put the plates of french toast on the table before looking at me with a frown.

-What’s wrong?- She asked softly, drying her hands on the frizzly pink apron I made for her when I was seven. It says  **‘I ❤ Mommy’** in purple sloppy stitching that ended up being a little crooked over to one side.

-What do you mean?- I asked. I might be dying inside with everything that’s going on, but I tried to not let it show. She squinted her eyes at me, like she was guessing or trying to make me say something.

-Is it your friends? Did something happen? Do you like someone? Do you need advise honey? I mean, I love all your friends but tell me it’s not Richie. Don’t get me wrong, I like that boy, but I can barely handle his jokes when he immediately walks through the front door!- She said while laughing, and I cracked a smile just thinking about it.

I shook my head slowly and sat down, mom mirroring my action. I started to fiddle with my nails, but she put her hand on top of mine and squeezed them gently, waiting for me to calm down and talk.

-Mom, what if you had to tell your friends about something, but you don’t know all the information yet? What you know so far could be bad, and they could support you or get mad at you, not even trusting you again, would you tell them?- She pursed her lips and shifted backwards so she could place her back on the chair.

-Ok, first of all, if it is something I should worry about, tell me now,- I shook my head no. _It’s worse than anything, probably, but she can’t know._

She nodded and continued. -Well, If I was in that situation, I would think if I _really_ need to tell them by asking myself ‘why’. If the answer is definitively ‘yes’, then you should tell them, but everyone needs to understand that if nobody has the full story, they should not make up the rest and fill the gaps you don’t even know are there. So yes, tell them if it’s important, but you also need to think about finding out more before that head of yours starts to freak out like you're doing now.- She stood up to kiss me on the forehead before removing the apron. She was right.

-I gotta go, honey. I love you, and I know you will do the right thing,- she said as she caressed my face and smiled before walking towards the front door. She yelled her goodbyes one more time before closing the door.

_I wish I got all the answers mom, I really wish I understood him._

The ride to Ben’s house was hard, but reaching the front yard and seeing all the bikes lying on the ground made me realize that I couldn’t back away because they need to know for safety. Leaving the bike, I took a big breath and knocked on the door. My feet were fidgeting as I heard rustling from inside before Ben opened the door. He was laughing at something, I could hear the losers talking inside, and Ben give me a toothy smile.

-Hey, [y/n]!- He said more calm. -The guys are in my room,- he said, showing me inside before closing the door behind me.

-.....come on Stan, don’t be a pussy, eat it!- I could hear Richie’s voice boom while approaching the door. He was graving a piece of bacon at his hand like a gun.

-Stop it, Richie! You know I can’t! Don’t be an ass!- He replied angrily. His eyes turned and looked at me. For a glimpse, his eyes looked doubtful, and Richie looked at my direction and smiled.

-’Sup, dork! Wanna piece of bacon?- He asked while biting a piece of the bacon in his hand. Everyone stopped and smiled to say hello, for a moment it felt comforting.

-[Y/n], W-We were thinking to s-see Batman before the parade, what do yu-yu-you think?- Bill asked while looking at some music disk.

-Yeah, the guys said that you like Batman, everyone does, but you know,- Mike said next to the window. I could see some bruises on his body. I smiled at him and nodded.

-How are you feeling, Mike?- I asked.

-Better. My paps patched me up last night. He said that I should be perfectly fine in a few days.-

-Hey! Why didn’t you ask how I feel?- Richie whined, -I mean, a massive rock hit me in the head, remember?- I rolled my eyes and cracked a smile.

-Yeah yeah, I remember. Do you want me to kiss that booboo, Richie baby?- I said in a baby tone and making some kissy noises. Now it was his turn to roll his eyes, his cheeks were tainted a soft pink hue.

-Shut up...-he mumbled quietly.

-Speaking of wounds, your bruises look better, [y/n],- Eddie commented sweetly. I looked at my reflection in the mirror and realized that the bruises were almost gone now.

-Where’s Bev?- I asked, but as soon as the question came out of my mouth, she and Ben walked inside the room smiling and talking. I peaked at Bill for a moment, noticing his posture changing more rigid and distant. Bev noticed me, giving me a quick hug.

-Alright, [y/n]’s here. Should we get going?- She asked everyone.

-Wait!- I said making everyone stop in their tracks and looking at me. - I-I need to talk to you first,- I said nervously.

-Can it wait, [y/n]? Batman is gonna start very soon, and it’s 4th of July. I mean, we won't get the chance to see some asses getting kicked if you start yapping about something,- Richie groaned. I looked at him with doubt, the indecision of telling them becoming stronger. I nodded anyways.

-Ok, let’s go, but it’s really important...-

We walked all the way to the downtown area, the streets all decorated in blue, red, and white. Some people were dressed with the same color pattern, and the sunny day and excitement of the town didn’t make me forget about telling them the truth.

We made our way to the movie theater, but the first thing that stood up in the ticket booth was a big sign that said ‘Sorry, we’re closed’. Everyone groaned in annoyance.

-This is fucking bullshit!- Richie announced, completly pissed off.

-Maybe, you know, people don’t work on the 4th of July...- Stanley snapped angrilly with logic. Richie fixed his glasses and pursed his lips.

-You think I’m stupid Stan? As I said yesterday, they said that they had early screenings.-

-Yeah, two hours ago,- Bev said while pointing at a small blackboard that was on one side of the booth. It has only one show marked for two hours ago.

-Ugh, who even goes to the movies so early?- Richie complained.

-People th-that can read, Richie.-

-Oh! So it’s my fault now?- he asked incredulously, but everyone looked at him with an ‘ _it is your fault’_ face.

-C’mon, let’s forget about it guys. Who wants ice-cream?- Eddie asked while pointing towards an ice-cream truck that was across the street. Richie was the only one to raise his hand. We all crossed the street quickly before the marching band. Richie smiled deviously, approaching the tuba guy.

-Hey, can I borrow this? I just want to know how good I am!- The guy didn’t even get the chance to answer when Richie removed the tuba from his hands and started to play it...really, really badly.

We ended up coming towards the same alley that we patched up Ben, and I glanced for a moment to see if my paper was still there. That, along with Pennywise’s face, was gone from the mural. I turned to see Bill looking at a missing poster: **‘Edward Corcoran, 13 years old’**. He disappeared the day we saved Mike.

-They say they found his hand all chewed up near the stand pipe,- Stanley stated, his voice trembling as he spoke.

-He asked me to borrow a pencil once,- Ben said innocently.  

Bill raised the paper just to see Betty Ripson’s missing poster. Behind hers was a bunch more.

-It’s like s-she’s been f-f-forgotten because Corcoran went missing...- Bill said while looking at us. _Just like they forgot about Georgie._

_-_ Is it ever going to end?- Stanley asked as Eddie showed up, liking one ice-cream cone with the other in his opposite hand. I could see Richie coming towards us as well.

-What’re you guys talking about?- Eddie asked while taking another lick from his ice-cream.

-What they always talk about,- Richie answered with annoyance while taking the other ice-cream from Eddie.

-I actually think it will end,- Ben spoke up, making us turn our heads to him, -for little while, at least...-

-What do you mean?- Bev asked, rather intrigued. Ben crossed his arms in a protective way.

-I been going about my Derry research, and I tracked all the big events together. The Ironworks Explosion in 1908, The Bradley Gang in ‘35, and the Blackspot in 62’, and now kids being...- he did not finish the sentence, but we all understood. -This stuff seems to happen every 27 years...-

_Every time a [y/n] died. Every time_ **_I_ ** _died._

-Every 27 years,- Bill said with Ben, understanding that maybe it all had a connection. It did, but not the one I’m thinking of.

I could feel my body grow cold, the sweat on my brow becoming prominent, and my vision started feeling like a blurry mess. Bev noticed this and her face contorted into a worried frown as she approached me, putting a comforting hand on my shoulder.

\- [Y/n], are you ok?- Bev asked with worry.

-I don’t know how to answer that,- everyone turned to look at me. I could see their mouths moving, but I couldn't hear any sound. The numbing of my head was in panic mode. - I-I need to tell you, I-I have to. What-what does this mean? I-I-I....- I stopped talking since I probably wasn’t making any sense. Bill gently came near me and touched my shoulder, gently nodding.

-Co-Co-Come on, let’s sit down.- Everyone agreed and started to move, moving towards the park with the stage set up.

It wasn’t as full as I thought it would be today, but there were people there, kids running around, some people laying on the grass with blankets and some food. The guys told me to sit down on the bench but I refused, since I was the one who was going to talk.

I took a deep breath, calming myself a little bit. Everyone fidgeted in their seats. I could feel a hand on my back, and I looked over my shoulder to see Ben nodding his head. He knew what I was going to say.

-The other day before we found Mike and fought Bowers, after leaving Beverly’s place, you guys talked about...about _it...._ about the clown...- I could feel that no one wanted to remember everything again, only Richie and Mike were clueless. -There’s something you should know. I’ve seen him, ever since I arrived here. At first, I thought I was crazy, seeing some clown everywhere I went. I hoped it was nothing, but he started saying things to me in my head... At first, I believed it was nonsense, but it felt like...like a memory playing in my head. I didn’t know what everything meant, until.......- I paused. -Remember the day I ran away from Ben’s house?- Some nodded their heads, some just stared at me. Ben stepped next to me.

-[Y/n], she has lived here before. Not as her right now, but way before. I found photos of people that look exactly like her and had her name, but that’s not the strangest part... They all had gone missing after each major tragedy in Derry. One was murdered in 1908, body never found. Another was an accidental victim of a gunshot, body never found. Another was a burned victim in The Blackspot, body never found...-

-W-w-W-What does this mean? I-I-I don’t understand?- Bill interrupted, his stuttering becoming more prominent from the nervousness.

-Yeah, all this seems like weird bullshit. Are you telling us that whatever this is, [y/n]’s been here for years, getting murdered and disappearing every 27 years?!- Richie stood up, waiting for me to deny it, but I just looked at him solemnly. -Oh......-

-This is insane, [y/n]! You’re basically telling us that you’re gonna get killed! I mean, come on, we’ve all seen crazy shit that we definitively have to figure out, but this? What kind of sick joke is this?- Bev shouted, refusing to believe everything.

-She’s right, [y/n]. This all seems impossible. What would that clown have to do with you?- Eddie asked while clenching his fanny pack. Stan remained quiet, his eyes wavered between the park and me.

-He-He’s trying to tell me something, something that happened with us, with me, a very long time ago. He says that everyone in Derry has blood on their hands, and that they should pay for what happened. He tells me this shit like I’m supposed to know what happened, but I swear I don’t! Every time I hear the voices and the memories, they all make me more confused than before!-

-My grandfather told me that this town is cursed,- Mike spoke up, -he says that all the things that happen in this town is because of one thing, an evil thing that one day snapped and feed of the people of Derry out of hate. He said that we angered it, that the old tales his father told him as a kid talk about the people ripping the monster’s heart right out of its chest.-

-But it can’t be one thing. We all saw something different,- Stanley said, but I shook my head.

-You saw the same thing. You saw _it_.-

-And maybe it knows what scares us the most, so that’s what we see,- Mike said figuring out. I looked at him with worry.

-I saw a leper. It was like a walking infection,- Eddie said, disgusted by the thought.

-But you didn’t, because it isn’t real. None of this is! Not Eddie’s leper, or Bill seeing Georgie, o-or the woman I keep seeing, and maybe nothing that you have seen is real, [y/n]. Maybe it’s just playing tricks with you,- Stanley said with a bit of hopefulness that all I know is just another trick from it, but I shook my head.

-Was she hot?- Richie asked suddenly.

-Who?- Stanley asked, utterly confused.

-The woman you keep seeing. Is she hot?- Richie asked.

-No, Richie, she’s not!- Stan snapped angrily.

-Look,- I said, grabbing everyone’s attention again, -I know it’s not real, whatever _this_ is! But I know that there’s something I need to know. This might sound insane guys, but I knew this clown before, I know I did. Not like it is now... _Him_ , me, something did happen, I just can’t remember… all I know is that you guys are in danger, the whole town is! I don’t know if we can stop it or how, but I don’t want someone else going missing.-  

-This doesn’t make any sense, [y/n]! They’re all just a bunch of bad dreams!- Stanley gripped his knees with force. He was scared, they all are.

-I know the difference between a bad dream and real life, ok?- Mike said, and I furrowed my brow.    

-You saw something too?- I asked, and he nodded quickly.

\- Yes, you guys know about that burned down house on Harris Avenue?- We all nodded. -I was inside when it burned down. I was rescued, but my mom and dad were trapped in the next room over from me. They were pushing and pounding on the door, trying to get to me, but it was too hot. When the firemen finally found them, the skin on their hands were melted down to the bone. We’re all afraid of something...-

Everyone became quiet, and Richie turned towards the stage before quickly averting his gaze at it and looking at us again.

-You got that right,- he said.

-Why Rich, what are you afraid of?- Ed asked., Richie fixed his glasses and looked at us.

-Clowns.- _Oh you are so fucked._  

-So, what do we do now? We not only know that there’s something in this town that’s the cause to every tragedy in Derry, but somehow [y/n] is involved in all of this, and she could be in danger...more danger than all of us. We have to do something,- Beverly said while standing up. Everyone was looking at her, well, everyone except Stanley. His eyes bore into mine like vile.

-But what if that thing wants something from [y/n]? What if there’s something you can remember that is the cause of all this?- Stanley said with an almost accusing tone. For a moment I see the eyes of doubt in everyone. ‘ _We don’t know yet’_ their eyes said.

-W-We don’t know a-a-anything, Stan, but Beverly’s right, w-we need to do something. Ben,- Bill called, making Ben’s head snap towards his direction. -Duh-do yuh-you still have the map of Derry I saw in your house the other day?- Ben nodded quickly, and Bill mirrored the nod. -OK, then we all meet to-tomorrow at my house. I-I might know where could it be hiding.- Everyone reluctantly nodded, and I looked at them with pure shock.

-Guys! Don’t you think this is dangerous? I know that we all know what _it’s_ capable of!-

-We’re a-already in danger...- Bill said, his voice strong and determined, ending the conversation once and for all.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ I'd like to thank PeblezQ for being my amazing Editor and Beta Reader! ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

The next day we all meet up at Bill’s porch and entered the garage. I swear that ever since I’ve arrived, Stanley has been rather rigid around me, and I could tell this level of cautiousness from him wasn’t there before.

Bill pinned down Derry’s sewer system onto the wall, the big paper was filled with lines representing the entire sewer around town. Stan covered the window and Mike closed the garage door. The room was dark, the only light was coming from the projector lining up with the paper on the wall. Everyone was quiet, a mixture of anxiety and wonder filled the space. Ben, opened his bag to take out a small cube, the ones Bill was looking at the first day we went to Ben’s house.

Bill picked it up and placed it on the projector, and an image of the town overlapped the one of the sewage system. We all sit down behind the projector, Beverly by my side, and Bill pointed towards the map.

-Look, that’s where Ge-G-Georgie disappeared- he said while his finger traced towards an X marked with the words ‘Storm Drain’, it was just a few houses up from here. His hand moved around the map again. -There’s The Ironworks and the Black Spot’... Everywhere it happens is connected by the sewers, and they all meet up at....-

-The Well House,- Ben finished, the red marks of the sewers line up perfectly with the off image of the town, and in the dead center a house sitting there.

-That’s the house on Neibolt street,- Stanley states.

-You mean the house where all the junkies and hobos like to sleep?- Richie ask, and the sound of an inhaler pumping and a desperate gasp causes me to check on Eddie. He left his hand on his mouth and seemed to be sweating between his brows.

-I hate that place, it always feels like it’s watching me,- Bev spoke as her hands caressed her legs, trying to comfort herself.

-I’ve never seen it,- I said, and everyone turned to look to look at me, some of them furrow their brows at that. -I mean, I’ve never been on that street...-

-That where I saw it...that’s where I saw the clown,- Eddie said, his voice raspy from the inhaler, his breathing hard and shallow.

\- Tha-That’s where  _ ‘It’ _ lives,- Bill said with glossy eyes. Not a  second later, I hear a second pump come from Ed’s inhaler, and my heart clenched at the sound.

_ -Can you imagine? A big house? Who wouldn’t want to live there?- _

**_NOT NOW_ **

_ - _ I can’t imagine anything wanting to live there,- Stanley commented with a mixture of horror and disgust.

- _ I mean think about it. Think of all I...no, all  _ **_we_ ** _ could do...- _

I slyly grab my hair, yanking at it a little.  _ Don’t do this to me.  _ The sound of a chair knocking down made me snap out of it, and I looked up to see Eddie standing in front of the map rather agitated.

-Can we stop talking about this? I-I-I can barely breath...this is summer...we’re kids...I can barely BREATHE...I'M ABOUT TO HAVE A FUCKING ASTHMA ATTACK...THIS IS ALL FUCK UP! I’M NOT DOING THIS!- Eddie turned around in despair, and tore the map off the wall with great force.

-What the hell! Put the map back!- Bill shouted, but Eddie just shook his head no, refusing to move.

Suddenly, the image turned black, the projector shut and opened another image, leaving everyone in silence. It changed again, showing pictures of Bill’s family, over and over again.

-What happened?- Bill asked softly. -What’s going on?- Eddie backed up closer to us, staring in horror at the slideshow of Bill’s family. The images just kept changing with nobody doing anything.

_ Oh no. _

I closed my eyes and breathed.

**_He’s here..._ **

Each picture moved faster and faster, all of them about Bill’s family, and they all were slowly zooming in on _ someone _ .

-Georgie,- Bill softly murmured with a heartbroken voice.

The final image came closer to Georgie's face, his smile cheerful and hair messy from the wind. The image moved to Bill’s mom, her hair was covering her face. Her hair moved quickly with each frame like an animation until it covered all of her face. Soon enough, a white painted face appeared behind the locks of orange hair, and everyone immediately stood up from their seats.

-WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?! WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!- Richie screamed absolutely terrified, clenching Eddie close.

Pennywise’s face came in full view, his body hunched over, and his eyes looking directly at us while biting his lower lip in an exaggerated fashion.

_ That motherfucker is messing with them and enjoying it. _

I put myself in front of Beverly and Bill, trying to protect them and face him.

-Turn it off!- Bev screamed. -TURN IT OFF!- she repeated louder. My eyes were glued to Pennywise’s until the projector came crashing down on the floor, illuminating the back of the garage.

The projector slowly changed into another photo, making everyone turn around towards it. Stanley was too close to it so he slowly backed up until I could grab him and pull him behind me. Pennywise’s face was blurry and contorted, like the photo caught his image as he moved rapidly. Another slide, the same frame. Another, the same. Another, nothing there.

_ Oh, fuck! _

Before I could even scream to get everyone out, a giant face of him came out through the frame. His teeth were peeking out of his smile, making it look more demonic. He laughed, coming out from the projector, and everyone ran towards the exit. I saw Beverly against the wall, terrified, and her hands covering her face. He was coming towards her, so I moved to place myself in front of her. I feel his eyes bore against mine with hate before a deep growl resounded, shaking the entire garage. His hand stretched out towards me, and I could feel the warmth of his hand hovering over my body. I kept my ground, contorting my face into one of determination.  _ I won’t let you touch anyone. _

The sun abruptly streamed across the garage, filling it with the much needed light. He was gone, the only thing left was just the silence and ragged breath from everyone. Beverly quickly approached me and hugged me, her hand trembling with fear. I stay there, still looking towards the wall where he  came from.

-He didn’t touch you,- Stanley said between his breaths. I turned to look at him, but he averted his eyes quickly. I snapped out of the trance when Bill spoke up.

-L-Let’s go,- he said walking outside the garage. Everyone turned and looked at him.

-Go? Go where?!- Ben asked, completely baffled.

-Neibolt,- Bill stated matter-of-factly. We all stared at him doubtfully. -That’s where G-Georgie is.-

-After THAT?!- Stanley snapped with a voice crack.

-Yeah, it’s summer...we should be outside......- Richie deadpanned in a quiet and reclusive tone. He was scared, they all are.

-I-If you say it’s summer one more f-f-f-fucking time,- Bill stopped talking and grabbed his bike, rolling out towards the street without saying another word. Nobody moved, and just stared at him.  _ HE’S GOING ALONE?! _

I pushed past everyone before another second is wasted, grabbing my bike and following after him. He glanced at me and nodded, pedaling harder. I could hear Beverly calling us as Bill just pedaled harder and we left his house in the dust.

-Bill!- he ignore me calling him, so I pedaled a little more to put myself next to him. -BILL!- I called louder, his eyes turning towards my direction.

-I’m not gonna stop you, but he’s dangerous, Bill! Please, don’t do anything that could hurt you! Don’t fight him alone! Just don’t fight him altogether!- Bill scoffed and turn his eyes away again. -Bill! Listen to me! I don’t want you guys getting killed! I know what he’s capable of.....I know...-

-Y-YOU KNOW NOTHING, [Y/N]! AND NEITHER DO I! G-G-GEORGIE, BETTY, EVERYONE THAT’S GONE MI-MI-MISSING, WE DON’T KNOW WHY IT ALL HAPPENED! WHY H-HE’S AFTER YOU, OR WHAT HE WANTS!!- This is the first time Bill’s yelled at me, but he didn’t sound angry, he sounded frustrated and sad. He just wants answers, and so do I.

He turned on a street, me following close behind. I could see him going slower and looking to his side. I looked over as well, only to left with possibly needing Eddie’s inhaler. The house was like an abandoned mansion. Bill dropped his bike in the street before he started walking towards the front door. I stopped, coming in front of the house.

\-  _ Just a big bright house, filled with....- _

_ - _ Sunflowers,- I finished, a pang in my heart made my whole body hurt. Even if the house seemed abandoned for nearly a century, sunflowers sprung here and there, contrasting with the dark and dead colors of the rest of the house.

_ \- But that’s just a big dream, I could never afford one...- _

\- [Y/n], what’s wrong?- Bill asked, turning his face towards me. I made a sound of not understanding what he meant, and he pointed at me. -Y-You're crying,- he said worried. I touched my cheek to feel the wetness of tears I didn't realize were there.

-It’s nothing, sorry...- I answered, brushing away the remaining tears. Bill opened his mouth to say something but the sound of several bikes rushing towards us made us turn around. Everyone arrived, their breaths cut short since they biked like there was no tomorrow. Beverly dropped her bike, coming towards us angrily.

_ - _ Bill, [y/n], you guys can’t go in there! This is crazy!- she exclaimed. I turned to look at Bill, and his eyes showed defiance and determination. He was not planning on leaving.   __

_ - _ Look, you don’t have to come with us...but what happens when another Georgie goes missing, or another Betty, or another Ed Corcoren, or one of us? What if [y/n] is taken away by that monster, huh? We all know she’s in danger, so are you just going to pretend this isn’t happening like everyone else in this town? Because I can’t. I go home and all I see is that Georgie isn’t there...his clothes, his toys, his stupid stuffed animals, but  _ he _ isn’t. So walking into this house for me is easier than walking into my own...- everyone gaped at Bill. He turned slowly, walking into the door.

-Wow…- Richie gasped, and we looked over at him except Bill.

-What?-

-He didn’t stutter once...- Richie muttered before readjusting his glasses. There’s a stillness in the air for a moment before everyone started walking up the steps towards me and Bill.

-Wait!- Stanley called suddenly, stopping everyone in their tracks. All of our heads turned at the sound of his nervous tone, and his gaze didn’t meet any of our eyes. -Um, shouldn’t we have some people keep watch? You know, just in case something bad happens?- he suggested kinda sheepishly. Bill fidgeted with the handle in thought.

-Who-who wants to stay out here?- Bill asked in a low voice. Everyone except me and Beverly raised their hands, and Richie groaned.

-Fuck,- he exhaled, -I guess we pull a straw,- he said  while moving towards the dry tall weeds that grow everywhere. He pull a few stems, trying to make most of them the same size except for three.

-Everyone pull out a straw. The one’s who has the short ones go inside the house. The other’s stay outside and act as a lookout for any kind of trouble... Here,- Richie said while giving the straws to Bill. He nodded and put it behind him to shuffle it before making us choose.

-You know I want to go inside the house with you Bill,- I exclaimed, but he shook his head.

-I-I know, but i-it’s only fa-fair,- he said. Ben went first, taking a long straw. Bev followed, taking the same size as well, pursing lips but nodded regardless. Eddie went after, his straw was significantly smaller, getting the first spot to go inside. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying not to have another asthma attack.

-You ok?- Richie whispered next to him, grabbing Ed’s shoulder for moral support. He nodded, still with his eyes closed.

Mike pulled the next one out, and let out a relieved sigh when he saw the long one. Stanley refused to be next, so Richie stepped up in front and picked one.

-Fuck, your lucky, Stan...- he said, showing him the short straw in his hand.

Stanley finally moved closer, squinting his eyes, undecided on the two straws left. He finally picked one fast; a long one.

Bill looked at me, opening his palm to reveal the last short straw in his hand.

-I Gues-s you’ll be c-coming in, after all...- I nodded, and he started towards the door. Eddie, Richie and I followed close behind.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ I'd like to thank PeblezQ for being my amazing Editor and Beta Reader! ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

Bill pushed the door open, the wood planks that were nailed down made it a little harder, and the only light source was the sunlight peaking in. The windows were boarded and covered up with old newspaper.

-I can’t believe I pulled out the short straw. You guys are lucky we weren’t measuring dicks- Richie murmured, trying to lighten up the mood. It was kinda funny, but none of us could laugh.

There was something about everything, it just seemed too familiar; the piano, the chairs. I looked at the fireplace that was in the center of the house, it had something engraved into it. I approached it, tracing my fingers on the dust-covered letters.

_’Good cheers. Good friends’_

_-Everyone can come and have a good time. Imagine a big house filled with everyone we know.-_

_-Who?-_

_-I don’t know, the people from town? They seem to be good people...maybe they’ll become our good friends, you just have to get to know them...-_

I removed my hand like it’s been burnt by the unlit fireplace. The sound of the wood floors creaking caused everyone to turn around. Richie was staring at a piece of paper, his hands shaking. We all moved towards him, and he looked up at us, his eyes wide and almost vacant.

-What?- Bill asked, getting closer to him.

-It says I’m missing,- Richie’s voice cracked at the notion. We stood by his side and looked at the paper. It was like the posters around town, like the missing kid’s posters.

-You’re not missing, Richie- Bill assuring him, but Richie seemed to freak out even more.

-‘Police Department of the city of Derry’. That’s my shirt, that’s my hair, that’s my face, THAT’S MY NAME, THAT’S MY AGE, THAT’S THE DATE!- Bill tried to take the paper away from Richie, but he just started crumbling it in his shaking hands. -NO IT SAYS IT, IT SAYS IT! WHAT THE FUCK?! AM I MISSING?! AM I GOING TO GO MISSING?! WHAT THE FUCK?!-

-CALM DOWN RICHIE!- Bill screamed, grabbing Rich by his upper arms and he shook him with force, snapping him out of his panic attack.

-Richie, stop!- I grabbed his cheek, making him gaze at me. His eyes appeared bigger, thanks to his fishbowl-glasses, and his chest was heaving like crazy.

-You’re not missing, see?- I pressed my hand harder on his cheeks, making him look like a pouting fish. -You’re here with us,- I assured him, releasing his mouth but holding my hand on his cheek, -and we’re all going to keep it that way...- he nodded, calming himself down.

-That isn’t real. It’s playing tricks on you,- Bill adds surely. He glanced at me and I nodded slightly.

-HELLO?- A voice emanated from upstairs, and everyone looked up at the ceiling. _There’s another person in here?!_ The floor above made a sound like someone was dragging a table or something, and we all looked at each other without knowing what to do.

-HELLO?!- the voice repeated, her tone more desperate than before. -HELP ME, PLEASE!- the voice cries out. It seemed like she was in trouble.

I headed towards the stairs, placing my hand on the railing. I turned my head to see the boys standing there, unsure if they want to follow.

-We have to go help her...- I whispered.

-Are you insane? You guys literally just said it’s playing tricks on us!- Eddie whispered back harshly.

-Wuh-What if [Y/n]’s right? It cou-could be a kid who needs our help...- Bill said while staring at them with saddened eyes. Richie nodded and Ed just let out a breath of defeat.

We started to walk up the stairs, and the noises of ragged breathing and movement became more agitated. Everything was filled with cobwebs and dust, and the step beneath me creaked, I could feel the wood cracking just a little. I gripped the railing for safety, and cheery laughs filled my head.

_-You can’t catch me...-_

I looked at the steps, each board of wood sounded like a moaning ship, and the laughter coming and going with each creak. When we reached the second floor,  Bill started walking towards the hallway, and we followed. I could see the last door casted with light, and the sound of someone coughing made us inch a little closer.

Bill frowned, trying to get a better look at the person on the floor.

-Betty?- he asked in shock.

-Ripson?- Richie finished.

She turned to face us, her face was dark since the light source was coming from behind her. Her face was dirty and looked bloody around her mouth. She looked like she was about to talk, but was immediately dragged back out of view. Her scream sent chills through my body. Everyone took a step back from the shock, but after a moment, we all moved forward. She looked alive, so maybe we can still save her.

We entered the room with hesitance, and there was only a broken old mattress on the opposite wall from us. The wallpaper was worn and ripped, with dirt everywhere, and no sign of Betty.

-She was right here! Where the fuck did she go?- Richie asked aghastly, his head whipping around in circles around the empty room. It seemed like no one was even in here moments before. The slam of the door jolted us with adrenalin, and we turned around to see that the door was shut with no sign of Eddie.

-GUYS! GUYS!- We heard Eddie scream through the other side off the door. He sounded terrified and desperate, and Bill tried to shove the door open, but it wouldn’t budge.

-Eddie!- Bill called desperately. We heard Ed scream one last time, and Bill tried harder to open the door, but a loud thud muffled Eddie’s screams. I hesitantly turned around. I swear a moment before there was a dingy old mattress on the floor across the room. Now there’s a door there. The white wooden door looked cleaned and new, and it was wide open, showing only a window. The light from the outside glazed the rest of the room. The wallpaper was a pretty light green with white stripes and some flower details. Right in front of the window, a small table sat there, with only three things laying on top of it.

I started to walk slowly, my body moving almost on at his own. A wave of fresh air came through the window, and the sweet smell of apples replaced the rotting scent in the rest of the house. My eyes were glued to the table, my heart beated to the rhythm of the sound, the sound of my music box playing. It was there, along with the photo and a sunflower. I entered the room, it was warm and clean, and everything seemed like it was supposed to be this way.

-[Y/n]?- I turned around at the sound of a voice behind me. Richie stood a few feet away from the door. He looked confused as his eyes roamed the room. He stepped backwards, causing me to furrow my brows at him. _Why would he be scared?_

 _-_ Rich....- I started talking, but the door closed quickly, separating us. I ran towards the door, desperate to open it, but as soon it opened, I was met with a small closet. I reached out my hand in disbelief, pressing my palm on the back wall of the closet. _This must be a trick...come on, push!_

The wall never gave in, it was solid. I backed away, looking around the room again. Beside the table there was a desk next to the left wall, a small old mirror on the wall, and to my right was a burgundy armchair. It looked like a room that an old mansion like this would have. The velvet looked a little worn down, and the wood looked scratched in some places, but still looked royal and beautiful.

At the corner of the room, another wooden door was present. This one wasn’t white, it was a dark honey color. I quickly ran up to it, hoping it’s a way out, but a glimpse outside the window made me stop half way to possible freedom. I turned towards the window, staring with wide eyes at the sight. Instead of the dead and abandoned yard, I saw everything was completely covered in sunflowers. The whole yard was illuminated by the bright yellow. I couldn’t see even a small space of grass. It was breathtaking. A smooth breeze made them dance slowly, I couldn’t remember seeing anything more beautiful than this.

The sound of the door made me jump and turn around, looking at the knob turning slowly. I gripped the frame of the window, my nails digging in the wood, and every bit of air I had in my lungs rushed out of my body. My eyes took in every single detail of the person coming in.

-Bob?- I cried softly. I was met with bright blue eyes. He looked exactly like he did in the photo. He wasn’t wearing makeup, and his fair skin contrasted with his rosy lips. He was wearing a cream linen shirt and baggy trousers. He casted a wide smile at me, but it wasn’t menacing; it was soft and filled with gentleness.

-There you are...- he said softly, his smile becoming wider. He stepped closer, but then suddenly stopped with a frown. -What’s wrong?- he asked, his hand gently trying to reach me. Those words made me snap out of everything. THIS CAN’T BE REAL.

-[Y/n],- he called my name in an oh-so sweet tone, making my stomach revolt and my heart skip a beat.

-Leave me alone! Why are you doing this?- I cried out softly. I tried to move back, but I hit the desk behind me. He started to move forward again, his long hand wrapping around my back before his whole body engulfed me in a hug. He still smelled like cotton candy and popcorn, and a faint smell of wood laced with them. I tried to push him away, but he wouldn’t let me go. His body was still carefully wrapped around mine, and his face was just above my head. I could hear his heart, the beating sound, slow and rhythmical. I could feel mine going at the same pace, like they were calling for one another.

-Don’t leave me...- he suddenly said, his voice breaking at each word. -Don’t...- he let me go just so I could look up at him, locking my eyes with his. He waited for me to say something, to push him and scream, and deep down, I know that I’m suppose to that, but...but.........

_I don’t want to._

The sound of the music box filled the room once again, he pulled his body from mine. I could feel the coldness of not having him near, but he just laced one hand with mine, and placed the other around my waist. Carefully, he pushed us away from the desk and towards the center of the room. He started to dance, his steps slow, trying to get me to follow.

-Why are you doing this?- I asked again, my voice soft.

-Isn’t this what you’ve always wanted?- be responded, his voice laced with confusion. -You need to remember everything...remember us...- his face was coming closer, his hot breath coming near mine. -I don’t want to lose you again...- he stopped, his lips just ghosting mine now.

\- I can’t lose you...- he repeated, closing the space between us. His lips grazed mine like a feather touching the ground, it was short, barely more than a mere seconds. I gazed up at him, my vision becoming cloudy. I raised my hand and placed it on his face, and he leaned into it.

-I.....- I didn’t know was I was going to say, but it was cut short. His right eye turned red, until it started leaking blood. I felt wetness in my hand, retrieving it to see that it was coming from the side of his temple as well.

He backed away, covering his eyes with force, trying to hide his body. I reached my arm out towards him, but the laugh, that chilling clown laugh that I heard too many times before erupted from him. He just kept laughing harder and harder, and I could see his skin start to become white, returning to Pennywise.

He look at me, his eye no longer an ocean green, but instead a deep amber sneer. His smile faded, and became an angry scowl.

I stepped forward, my hand slowly reaching towards...............

-BILL, WE HAVE TO HELP EDDIE!!- Richie screamed along with more voices, making me turn around. My eyes met with the old and abandoned room I was in moments before.

-WE GOTTA RUN, COME ON BILL!!- I glanced one last time, only to see the old mattress again. I ran fast, thundering down the stairs. I could see the front door opened wider than before.

Everyone was there, grabbing their bikes fast. Beverly turned her head, eyes landing on me.

-[Y/N], WHERE WERE YOU? COME ON, WE HAVE TO GO!- she screamed. Everyone turned to look at me with pure terror in their eyes. Eddie was crying, grabbing his arm. Something happened, something bad.

I joined them outside, and we all rushed on our bikes, making our way towards Bill’s house. Once there, Bill rushed inside.

-I-I’LL CALL YOUR MOM! J-JUST DON’T MOVE!- he yelled before disappearing inside.

I turned to look at everyone one, but they all seem to be shook. Stanley sat down on the steps of the porch, shaking. Richie was soothing Eddie, his arm was swollen like a baseball and turning a dark shade of purple. Bev grabbed her hair, her face towards the sky. I turned to see Ben, his shirt torn from what looked like a claw scratch.

-What the hell happened?!- I asked, looking at everyone. Nobody seemed to pay attention. -GUYS!- I screamed, and Beverly looked at me.

-He-He attacked us. He was going to kill Eddie, and Richie, and Bill, but I stabbed him in the head. Oh God, I stabbed him! He was so mad! I thought he was going to kill us, [y/n], but he just banished! Bill followed him, but Eddie a-and Ben...we didn’t know where you where!- She stopped and cried, the adrenaline wearing down on everyone.

Just minutes later a car came rushing towards the house. Bill walked out, coming closer towards the car. Eddie’s mom stepped out, her face was incredibly red. She turned towards Eddie, pulling him away from everyone.

-You! _You_ did this!- She grabbed Eddie by the neck while pointing at us, she was enraged. -You know how delicate he is!- She pushed past us, shoving Eddie inside the car and turning towards us.

-We were attacked M-Mi-Misses K!- Bill pleased.

-No! Don’t!- She snapped back.-Don’t try blame anyone else!- she dropped her keys on the grass, and Bev tried to pick them up, but Misses K refused her help. -No! Back!- she reached for the keys before coming closer to Beverly’s face, she smile evilly.

-Oh, I heard of you Miss Marsh, and I don’t want a dirty girl like you touching my son...- she said, her tone filled with disgust.

-That’s out of line Misses Kaspbrak! How could you say......-

-SHUT YOUR MOUTH!- she screamed at me. -You of all people shouldn’t even be alive! YOU are the real monster in this town!- Her eyes were truly filled with hate, her words accusing me like poison. I casted my eyes down, feeling her move and reaching her car door. The engine roared, moving angry like the person driving it. We moved towards the street to see it disappear from our view.

Bill turned towards us once the car was out of sight.

-I saw the well, w-w-we nuh-know where it is, a-and next time we’ll be be-better prepared,- he said.

-NO!- Stanley screamed, completely enraged. -NO NEXT TIME, BILL! YOU'RE INSANE!-

-Why?- Beverly asked, standing up with Bill. -We all know that no one else in this town is gonna do anything.-

-Eddie was almost killed!- Richie pointed out, -and look at this motherfucker! He’s a leaking hamburger helper!- Ben covered his wounds.

-We can’t just pretend it’s going to go away. Ben, you said it yourself, it comes back every 27 years!-

-FINE, I’ll be forty and far away from here! I thought you wanted to get out of this town, too...-

-Because I want to run towards something, not AWAY!-

-I’m sorry, who invited Molly Ringwald into the group?- Richie said annoyed. I glared at him.

-Richie you.....-

-YOU- Stanley cut me off, turning towards me. -WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU WHEN EDDIE WAS ALMOST KILLED? WHEN WE ALL ALMOST GOT KILLED?- Everyone stayed quiet, waiting for me to answer, but I couldn’t say anything. Richie stepped forward, looking at me up and down.

-WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED IN THAT ROOM?- he accused. -I saw it, before the door closed. I saw the photo, you fucking forgot to mention that part, huh, [y/n]?!-

-What are you talking about?- Bev asked confused, and Richie turned face towards her.

-When she told us about the stupid shit about the past deaths, we all thought she meant that this thing was terrorizing her, but that’s not the case at all, isn’t it?- I looked at Richie. I could feel a pang in my heart at each word. His eyes were filled with betrayal. _No, that’s not it._

 ** _I mean, how is it not?_** **_but there’s more to it..._**

-Don’t you guys think it’s weird?- Stanley spoke up again, -that after we met her, we all started seeing that monster?! Tell me, [Y/n], what are you afraid of? Has that thing ever showed it to you before? Like he did to ME, and RICHIE, and BILL, and EDDIE, and everyone here? It turns out that every time you come back, he does as well. Has he even hurt you?! I saw how he didn’t touch you at Bill’s house..he could’ve, he had the chance, and if the person standing in front of him was someone else, I bet the story would’ve been different. He almost killed us today, and where were you?! Locked in a room like something to protect... WE SHOULD NEVER HAVE MEET YOU!- Every word became more and more angry, and by now tears were flowing. I wanted to refuse, to say _‘you're wrong’,_ but he was right.

I waited for someone to speak up, to say they don’t believe it, to know that I don’t want any of this, but they all remained quiet, and that was all it took to know what they think.

I was alone, and I think that in the end, that’s all he wanted.

He won.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ I'd like to thank PeblezQ for being my amazing Editor and Beta Reader! ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

The days moved forward, and for the first time I’ve never felt more alone. My mind circled back to everything since I entered this town. Every word, every encounter, every ice cream, every laugh, every cry, and every scream. My friends, my Losers Club, they didn’t trust me any more. I haven’t seen them since that day, and each time the phone rang I hoped it was one of them. I would walk past Bill’s house, waiting for him to pop out of the front door, his hair still messy from bed, ready for us to meet everyone. Sometimes he’d tell us amazing stories,and we’d all be at the edge of our seats, anticipating what’ll happen next. I missed Richie’s dirty jokes, they were mostly about Ed’s mom, but he was always there when you needed him. Eddie’s comebacks were way better than Richie’s, but he was still sweet and gentle, but still much tougher than he thinks. I missed how Stanley would peacefully watch the birds, and would name every one for us without looking in his book. I loved how Beverly taught me to dance, and she always had such a great sense of style, even if she was limited with the clothing she had. I missed when Ben would always bring me a book he just finished, and I usually loved it as much as he did. I even miss Mike, even though we only knew each other for a short while. He would always help me when I needed to reach something, and he knew every part of the town and the outskirts like the back of his hand.

-Knock, knock,- my mom’s voice was soft as she gently knocked on the door. She slowly approached my bed, sitting down next to me, her hand reached to my back, and caressed it in a loving fashion. -You’ve been down these past few week's, honey. I know that something happened with your friends, and yes, I know you don’t want to talk about it, but honey, you can’t be like this,- she said solemly.

-I messed up mom. I don’t know what to do. I feel like I betrayed them... _they_ feel like I betrayed them. What am I supposed to do? I can’t give answers to something I’m not sure about...- _I’m a liar mom, I lied to them, like I’m lying to you right now. I know some answers now, I’m just too afraid to admit it._

She pursed her lips before giving me strong pats on the back.

-You need to get up! Whether it’s to find the answers or talk to them. They’re all great kids, and I know they’re great friends to you, so you need to fight...fight for them,- her tone was strong and optimistic. She stood up from the bed, pulling me with her and forcing me to get up.

-You know I’ll be leaving for a few day,s [y/n]. I don’t want to leave you like a mopping mess.-

I thought about what she said. _Fight for them._ She’s right, that's the only thing I can do. I need to face him, once and for all. No more figuring it out piece by piece. I’m tired of his stupid games, I’m tired of feeling confused, and I’m tired of just having half of the answers. I need to know everything, he has to stop, even if it’s at my own hands.

_But would I be able to stop him?_

I could feel every part of me tear. Deep down, that day at Neibolt, a part of me felt complete. I felt that feeling of wholeness, and I tried so hard to lie to myself, but I knew that if I didn’t hear the boy’s screams, I would’ve never left that room. If he never attacked them, I would’ve stayed with him.

_I would have chosen him._

I felt sick and disgusted as I realized that. I could not say anything when Richie and Stan pointed everything out. _How could I?_ Knowing what I knew, they were right, it has been my fault that they all got attacked in the first place. I thought that if I was careful enough, he wouldn't touch them.

I nodded at my mom, and I looked up at her as the corners of my mouth rose.

-You're right, mom, I can’t mope around.- She returned the smile before leaving the room. I stood there, watching her go inside her room. If only for a moment, she knew everything.

I walked out of the house, the days were cloudier than usual these past few weeks, but it never seemed like it was going to rain. I caressed my arms together, trying to get some heat from the friction. I started walking, it seemed better than the bicycle. It will give me more time to put everything in order.

It was the middle of august by now, the people from town where a little more relaxed, and the kids blew out most of their steam by now, so everyone seemed to just spend quiet time at home. Since that day at Neibolt, _IT_ hasn’t shown up. At first, I thought that after everyone left me alone, he would come back, but nothing happened. Not one glimpse of his glowing eyes nor a shiver on my back. Just nothing, like he decided to leave me.

I walked the streets until reaching the house I was looking for. I inhaled, coming closer to the door before knocking it twice.

-Eddie-bear, could you see who’s at the door?- Misses K’s voice sounded muffled behind the wall. I could hear Eddie responding father away.

The door flung open moments later, and Eddie’s eyes immediately grew wide at the sight of me. I peaked at the living room, Ed’s mom was distracted by the TV, and I look back at him and smiled shyly.

Eddie stepped outside and closed the door behind him. He remained quiet, his eyes casted down to his shoes while he flicked his tongue.

-What do you want, [y/n]?- He asked sharply. His tone wasn’t the sweet one I was used to, but I understand why it’s changed.

-I wanted to see how you were. I know nobody wants to talk to me, but I needed check on you first.- His breathing grew ragged, and his eyes looked up to me for mere seconds.

-How am I?- he scoffed, raising his arm, showing a white cast. -How do you think I am, [y/n]? I almost got killed by that clown! I lost all my friends! _And_ I got this stupid cast on!- I tried to speak up, but he raised his hand, shushing me. -Don’t! I know what you’re gonna say, but Richie explained everything to me. Nobody wants to talk to anyone, and I’m not even _allowed_ to be with you guys anymore...but, I don’t understand...- his voice lowered, turning sad. By now he was looking straight at me, his eyes watering. -You didn’t see what I saw, [y/n]. You didn’t see the look on its face. It was smiling and mocking me! It was actually enjoying it. I-I was terrified, I thought that I was gonna die, but you know what’s worse? A part of me was more scared because it was going to hurt you guys late! But-but now?! After what Richie told me, you didn’t say anything! You didn’t deny anything and-and I don’t wanna be a part of whatever is going on with you and that thing!- his face was covered by the wetness of his tears. He turned around and pushed the door open. I grabbed him by his shirt, trying to stop him, but he just pulled away, his face turning just a little.

-Goodbye, [y/n].- He said before closing the door.

-Who was it, Eddie?- I could hear his mom ask.

-Nobody, mommy.- He answered back, a sniffle escaping him.

I stood there for a moment, whispering my goodbyes, even if nobody can hear.

It was early morning of the next day and my mom was already fully clothed. Her small suitcase was at the door, and she had woken me up so she could state the instructions for the last time.

-Ok, I’ll be gone for six days, no more no less, I promise. I made you food and froze it so you could heat it up. DON’T BURN THE HOUSE DOWN! I also left you enough money for emergency and some money if you want a pizza or go to the movies. If something ever happens, Ms. Brocard said that you could always knock on her door, okay? She’s the one with the awful orange curtains. This is the number of the hotel and the numbers of the company. If you need to talk to me, call me, and please don’t do anything stupid, alright?- She said, looking at me after rambling for five minutes straight. I nodded before hugging her.

-I love you mom- I said, hugging her harder. She returned it, giving me a kiss on the temple.

-I love you too, Honey- She sniffled. I opened the door, helping her with her carry-on, and she looked at me one last time in the car.

-Be careful- She advised, not knowing that  it meant more to me than she thought. I smiled, but I could feel my eyes starting to get wet.

-I’ll try- I mouthed, and with that, all I could see was the back of the car, getting farther and farther away. I entered the house, resting on the door as soon as is closed. My heart was beating faster by the second.

-Time to do something stupid, [y/n]- I said to myself. _Time to confront him._

First stop was the hardware store. Once I walked in, face's turned and did double takes, but soon enough they ignored me. The store was small, so I started to walk the small corridors to see if I could find anything that I might need. _Bill said there was a well, right? Maybe I’ll need something to climb down with if I need to._

-Excuse me?- I turned my face to one side, eyes locking with a guy. He had dirty blond hair and brown eyes, and his big eyebrows almost touched each other by how hard he was frowning. I noticed the leather apron with the name of the store that he was wearing, and a small name tag clipped to one side, reading: _‘Hi! My name is GREG’._

-Yes?- I replied casually, which made him even more confused and maybe a little angry.  

-Are you lost kid? Is your dad with you?- He asked, and I glared at the wall filled with tools that was in front of me. _Oh._ I changed my expression in a swift movement. _What an asshole._ I said to myself, but I smiled at him anyways.

-No, my dad’s not with me, it’s just that....my brother’s birthday is coming soon, and he’s been in bed these past few weeks. It’s summer, so he’s bummed out, you know? So I thought that I could make something for him. Can you help me Greg? Please?- I lied in the most dramatic and sweet tone I could muster. Greg’s face changed into a smile as he nodded enthusiastically.

-Sure thing sweetheart, but what are you thinking of doing for him that you need in a hardware store?- I cringed at the sweetheart, but didn’t show it. I looked around in thought.

-A swing! We have a big tree in the backyard, and he always tried to climb it, but he’s just too little, so I thought a swing may cheer him up!-

He nodded again, placing his hand on his chin in thought.

-My dad said just to get a big rope and a hammer. He said that we have everything else at home,- I quickly said, interrupting his thoughts.

-I think I can help you with that- He just said.

After Greg got everything I need, I went to the cashier to pay, and next to it laid a box with a big yellow sign that says ‘50% OFF’. It was filled with baseball gear, and a baseball bat was sticking out. I grabbed it, and placed it on the counter next to the other stuff. The cashier raised one brow.

-My brother loves baseball- I just said, in which he just responded with a grunt and a raise of his shoulders.

I walked out the door quickly, heading straight home. Once there, I went into my room. Grabbing my backpack, I placed the rope, a flashlight, batteries, and some first-aid kit supplies inside, just in case. I look between the hammer and the baseball bat, picking the baseball bat. I realized that if someone stopped me on the way, it’s easier to explain than a fucking hammer.

 I walked outside the house and turned around, taking in all the details. I looked down at my bike that was placed against the wall. I couldn’t take or else it would be easy to spot where I went. I touched the handle, saying my goodbyes to _‘Firecracker’._ Richie named it one day, saying that when I went fast, the chain made a popping sound, like firecrackers. I smiled at the memory, my heart clenching. _I’ll fix this guys, I will finally find the answers and fight._

It was afternoon by the time I made my way into Neibolt. The street was quiet, only a few houses where on that street, and it look like nobody took care of them. The house loomed over, covering the sun completely. I grabbed the straps of the backpack harder, so I wouldn’t turn back. The few sunflowers there mocked me as I stepped foot at the entrance. The breeze made them move side to side, like they where saying hello, or maybe goodbye.

Entering alone in that house was a different story, it felt bigger, and lonely. My eyes couldn’t reach every single thing in front of me, so I pulled out the flashlight just in case I needed it. Bill said that he found the well, but thinking about it, I never knew where he saw it.

I choose the hallway next to the fireplace, and I could see the light at one of the doorways. I moved slowly, and the walls of the hallway were destroyed with cracks and barely no paint on them. One of the doorways lead to a bathroom, and only a toilet without a lid rested there. The other one just showed the other side of the living room. I could see the piano covered in dust and cobwebs.

I finally stepped in front of the illuminated doorway,the light nearly blinding me. I entered, realizing it was a kitchen, and the back door was opened completely. A table was broken on the floor, and pieces of concrete was everywhere. I looked up to see a massive hole on the ceiling, and a fridge door remained open as well. _What the hell happened here?._   

I turned around, looking to the last and only door in the hallway. It remained closed, and the door looked moldy, like one push and it was going to turn into dust. I examined the doorknob, realizing that it remained clean. Old, but clean none-the-less.

Opening the door loomed darkness ahead, and I turned on the flashlight, showing me stairs leading me straight down into the basement. _Well I’m already looking for IT, so I don’t think I’ll find anything more frightening than that._

The stairs creaked at my weight, so I made sure to go down fast. It smelled humid and dirty, like wet dirt that never fully dried up. I pointed the light at the open space, and only a small window covered in newspaper was the aid of light besides my own. My eyes stay locked at the most prominent thing there, the well. It was bigger than I thought, with scattered clothes surrounding it. The sight alone made me swallow hard.

Most of the clothes were either torn or bloody, but everything was small, like they belonged to children, and even teenagers. I moved closer to the well, the pungent smell of the sewer became stronger as I reached the edge. I pointed the flashlight down, the well was going so far that the light never reached the end. Above it lay a hook tied to a pulley-system harnessed on the wall. I dropped the bag to pull out the rope. It had knots when I bought it, making it shorter, but it seemed long enough.

I made the best knot I could so it won’t detach from the hook. I pulled a few times to test if it wasn’t loose and could hold my weight.

-Oh fuck, please hold me- I muttered like a prayer while wrapping my whole body around rope. I closed my eyes, waiting, but after seconds of not falling to my death, I started to descend. Luckily every knot helped me stabilize the grip.

A hole loomed at the side of the well, and bars of steel and wood rested at the edge. It looked like a worm hole, one that Pennywise probably uses. I stretched one hand towards it, grabbing the edge to pull my body towards it. After my second hand was there, I moved fast to enter the hole before my legs gave in.

-FUCK!- I screamed as a crushing pain came through my body like a flash. I crawled back, stretching out my legs, and I pointed the light towards the wound. I hissed at the sight; my entire left thigh was cut open, showing a clean straight wound. I tried to touch it, but as soon as my fingers came in contact with it, another jolt of pain came. I breathed long and hard, waiting for the pain to dissipate.

I do my best to remove the backpack behind my me without moving too much, opening it up. _Thank God for Eddie, being the way he is. At least I learned how to treat a wound._

I didn’t have the time to clean it like he does, since I was alone in a hole inside of a well, inside of an abandoned house. I won’t be able to climb back up, so I’ll have no choice but to move forward, deeper into the hole.

After an excruciating amount of minutes, trying to mimic ‘Dr.K’ treatments, and breaking my bottom lip from biting so hard, I managed to cover it with bandages. It was a sloppy job, but I did it. _How Ben managed to not to cry both times he got hurt will always be a mystery to me._

 I moved forward, slower now,and struggling to see with the light. I keep a close eyes on any detail the hole may poke around, hoping to not cut open my leg again. At the end of the creepy tunnel, I stop. _I recognize these sewer tunnels._ I stepped into the sewer, my feet getting wet with gray water.   

It’s just a play-maze until I find him. The eerie silence of the tunnels made the echo of the splashing water even more prominent. I waded around for awhile, trying to move in one direction to avoid getting lost. Mom taught me that when I was little. One Halloween, we took the bus for an hour just to get to the corn maze in the outskirts of the city. She told me that no matter where you are, if you stick to one side and follow it, eventually the exit will be there. _And look, she was right._

My eyes caught the tunnel in front of me, it had light coming from it. I reached back just to make sure the baseball bat was still there, and nervously squeezing the flashlight before turning it off.

I stopped as soon as I entered the room, almost backing away instantly. My stomach revolted at the sight. The place was big, and it seemed like all the sewers connected to this place. The water cascaded at the exits, and I looked horrified at the monstrosity in front of me. There were piles among piles of toys, bikes, and clothes almost reach the ceiling as a strange ‘Junk Mountain’. The worst part was at the top; there were kids floating around slowly, like a baby’s mobile that they would have hanging above their crib. _What has he done?._

A growl made me lower my eyes quickly. It sounded like a caged beast, and my eyes looked at the center of the pile. A wooden bandwagon was the pillar holding everything together.

**‘PENNYWISE THE DANCING CLOWN’**

**-** _Surprise! What do you think? I know it not perfect, but it’s better than just a wooden wagon. Now everyone can see who you are, and trust me, they’ll never forget it...-_

Another growl woke me up from the haze. _Stop! No more half-assed memories! I need the answers, so show me everything, dammit!_ I looked at the side of it, and a half open door showed a warm orange light, hinting that he was in there. I moved towards it, no time to back away now.

I peeked through the slit, and I could feel the heat radiating from inside. I could see the handle of a bed, the mattress was naked and dirty. The bedstead was a deep maroon color, and the walls inside were a warm mustard color, painted directly on the wooden planks. I pushed the door open slowly, finally showing me the small interior of his ‘home’.

My eyes landed on his figure, he was crouched, down facing the wall, like a hurt animal in a cage. His back moved up and down, taking long breaths and exhaling in a low growl. Next to him, was a small vanity. It was simple yet elegant, and the small round frame was filled with shards of what looked like a smashed mirror.

_The Music box and the photo laid there as well._

He started to stand up. He was so tall that only a few inches more and the top of his head would touch the ceiling. I stood back, my hand reaching for the baseball bat.

-You came...how delightful- He said, making me stop dead in my tracks. His tone was filled with mockery, but something else was there, like true excitement.

-How did you know I was coming?- I asked, and he slowly turned around to face me. His right eye was black, like coagulated blood. _The wound Bev made. He was hurt._

One hand raised towards his nose, touching it twice.

-I could never forget the smell of your blood. I could smell it every time you scraped a knee or have a bloody nose. I can even smell it now-  He grinned at me, and my eyes jumped between the bandages covered in blood and him. I could see just a drop of saliva falling on the floor, and my bat was suddenly long forgotten.

-Tell me, how are your ‘friends’?- He giggled in a high pitched tone. It was like he knew everything that happened. I scowled at him, getting angry.

-THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT! YOU TERRORIZED THEM, AND ALMOST KILLED THEM! YOU TERRORIZED EVERYONE! YOU’VE BEEN MOCKING THIS TOWN SINCE WHO KNOWS WHEN, AND FOR WHAT? I’M TIRED OF THIS! I DON’T KNOW WHAT ANYTHING MEANS! ALL OF THESE MEMORIES CAN’T BE REAL! ANYTHING OF THIS CAN’T BE THE TRUTH! I can’t......you........I CAN’T LOVE YOU! I’VE NEVER LOVED YOU!- I yelled angrily. _Lying to yourself again, [y/n]._

 His smile was erased from his face. It only took two long strides for him to reach me and pin me down to the floor with him. One hand pressed into my wound, making me scream, and his face didn’t change. He just peered at me without any expression.

-I’ve done everything for you. They touched you, they broke you, over and over and over again, just for you to show them your smile. HOW NAIVE [Y/N]! I won’t allow it, don’t you understand it now? You only belong to ME, no matter how many times they make you root in the ground, your soul belongs to ME!! I’M TIRED OF WAITING! YOU WANT THE TRUTH? THEN LET ME SHOW YOU THE TRUTH!-

My eyes widened, and he smiled, his mouth stretching, ready to pop in two. His mouth became one full of a thousand teeth.

-What are you doing?- I breathed out. My eyes landed on warm orange lights inside his throat, and they danced around each other. Hundreds of voices came crashing in my ears, becoming stronger by the second, until all was left is darkness.  


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ I'd like to thank PeblezQ for being my amazing Editor and Beta Reader! ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

##  **1906**

_The streets were busy this morning with people bumping into each other impatiently, trying to reach their destinations. It was a resting day, so everyone took the time to go about the Town of Derry. Some people laid together on the freshly cut grass of Bassey Park, and some just spent their day gossiping and drinking. One could find most of the township in one place, however: ‘Derry’s Carnival’. The entrance was a giant archway sculpted in wood, and the pillars were hand painted to showcase a few of the attractions one would find inside._

_-Come inside to Derry’s Carnival! Unimaginable fun awaits you inside!- A man dressed in an extravagant ringleader suit called out to the passing people, catching their attention. -Never seen a woman eat a sword? Don’t believe it’s possible? Then come on in to see it with your own eyes!-_

_People murmured around, talking with excitement about how strange and wonderful the carnival was. Of course the carnival arrived recently, not more than a mere few weeks ago, so the people of Derry were in a daze by the wonders of it's shows._

_However, there was someone, or something, that had another kind of excitement. A ravishing hunger laid deep inside the carnival, one that nobody would notice at first. The hunger and predatory eyes that followed everyone’s movements. If someone caught a glimpse of these eyes, they would feel like pieces of raw meat from the lion’s cage._

_It was starving, it’s been for quite some time. It’s been here longer than anyone in this town, sometimes thinking to itself that it was the town. It needed to feed itself, it’s been doing it for years, and no one in this place seemed to mind or even notice. It disguised itself in a alluring trap of a smiling clown. The suit was as white as snow, which made the orange pompoms on the suit stand out. The hair of the clown was an auburn-orange, and its face was as white as its suit. There was just a bit of red on the tip of its nose and an exaggerated red smile that reached all the way to its forehead. Clutched in its gloved hands, it had what looked like hundreds of red balloons crashing with one another, making this clown stand out from the colorful place. It hated them, it hated them all, but it was smart because it knew that making itself noticeable would bring more people. It needed its prey to could trust it. However, there was just one small problem; nobody seemed to approach it._

_Robert Gray never felt more irritated. The outfit needs work, since he only got a few lost children that casually ended up in his way, looking for an adult to help them. No one actually went to his direction intentionally looking for a clown. He had managed to kill the owner of the bandwagon he resided in - it was at one corner in the whole carnival - but the quiet facade of colorless wood made the citizens just walk past it, giving him just a few glances._

_-Would you like to float?- He asked, his voice chipper than normal, grabbing a single balloon with the other hand. He bowed as a little kid passed by, and the child's gaze looked tentative. The little boy slowly lifted his hand, barely grabbing the bright red balloon, but he was soon dragged away by his distracted mother. Bob’s fake smile crashed down into a raging frown._

_-Am I_ that _ugly?- He asked to himself. Knowing that he could change the way he looked by choice, he considered the thought of going about hunting his prey a different way. He’d seen people praise at the men dressed up like this, but something was wrong with his form. His train of thought was soon interrupted as he heard a noise. It was quiet, but it was nearby. He realized it was laughter. It was soft and delicate before turning into a loud chuckle. He furrowed his brows as he peered towards the source of the sound._

_His eyes casted down at the woman in front of him. She was wearing a plain white blouse and had a long black skirt that looked slightly too big for her small frame. She didn’t seem to carry anything with her, and judging by her slightly disheveled hairdo, she must be poorer than most of the residents in Derry. She didn’t seem to be too poor since her clothes look rather nice; she just appears to be more common than the wealthier women in Derry._

_Her eyes lowered to the ground as she tried to hide her smile, her eyes glassy from laughing so hard. She looked directly at him before approaching him. H sniffed the air, and smelt no fear or hatred. It was the repulsive smell that resided throughout this entire carnival; happiness. What makes it worse, however, is that he is the cause to this woman’s happiness. He’s never made anyone feel this before; it was different for him to say the least._

_-You’re not ugly...you’re just terrible at approaching kids…- she said as she stood in front of him. He blinked, realising that she must have heard his bitter comment to himself. He towered over her so much that she had to crane her neck to look at him properly. It was normal for him to intimidate others and bring them fear with his height difference alone. He rejoiced to that alone, but he didn’t sense any fear from this woman, instead she just kept smiling. His lips pull into a frown as he considers killing her for being so stupidly happy for no apparent reason._

_-Right there, that is your problem! You look like you want to punch someone! Here…- her hand grazed his gloved hand, and he felt her warm skin through the glove. He felt the pulse of her heartbeat going smoothly, and she grabbed one of the balloons from his hand. She shifted to stand beside him, their shoulders barely grazing now. She turned around and looked at the crowd passing by with a calculating stare; a lot like his own when he’s searching for prey. She smiled at a small girl walking past them, her eyes fixated on something ten feet away. The woman rested her hand on her stomach, and bowed like he did moments ago, with her eyes reaching the level of the little girl. This caused the girl to turn around and face the woman, soon catching the attention of the red balloon in the woman’s hand._

_-Here, take it. It’s for you!- she said in a strong yet sweet tone. The girl smiled and grabbed the balloon with her chubby fingers._

_-Thank you, miss,- her eyes now turning towards the clown and the bouquet of balloons in his hand. -Thank you, Mister Clown,- and with that, she turned around and walked away, grabbing the hand of her parent._

_The woman turned around with a smug smile forming on her face. Her eyebrows raised, waiting for an answer, but Robert’s silence was prominent and unsure. For the first time since he arrived here, he was unsure of himself; he was speechless._

  _Her hand stretched out towards him, and she tilted her head a little, connecting her eyes with his once more._

 _-My name is_ _[y/n]. I’m sorry if I made you upset. I saw you from afar and before I knew it, my legs just brought me to you. I didn’t know why, but now that I’m up close, I see it now...- she smiled again. -Your eyes,- she simply stated, making him utterly confused. -You have beautiful blue eyes that almost look green. They appear to be starving for something... I know how that feels...-_

_The statement made him wonder what she meant, or how someone for the first time saw him and knew what he was feeling. This was the longest he’s ever spoken to a person before ripping their throats out, and he hasn’t even spoken a word to her yet._

_The movement of her hand caught his attention, and her smile became even bigger._

_-Come on, I’m waiting. Aren’t you going to tell me your name?- She queried, her voice gentle, and he hesitated. This woman was unusual, but something was even more unusual at that single moment; he answered._

_-Robert Gray- he said, his hand reluctantly reaching to hers. The warmth of her blood and the rhythm of her heartbeat made him almost drool in hunger, but something about the clockworks beat made him place his hand in a more possessive way around hers, never realizing that he should let go._

_-Nice to meet you Robert Gray. So, what’s your clown name?- she beamed, her voice filled with wonder. He responded with a blank stare which sort of answered her question for her without any words. Neither of them let go of each other’s hand._

  _-You don’t have one, do you? Come on, Bob, every clown needs a stage name! Something flashy and quirky! Something no one else has...- she was met by silence again, so she nodded. -You know what, how about we think of one for you together. Come on, let’s walk it over...-_

_The cold feeling that came after she released her hand from his bothered him. She took a few steps before turning to see if he was following her. For a moment, he thought that she would just walk away and disappear among the crowd, but then she just smiled and extended her hand to him. Her elegant silhouette just stood there among the people, waiting for him to reach her._

_-Come...Follow me...-_

_He has seen the worst in humans, he knows how filthy they are. He’s learned to enjoy it as a sort of entertainment, it’s what made him stay in this place. He just wants to destroy and see destruction, but at that mere second, nothing like that came through his mind. There was something else, something he’s never experienced for himself before. He knew that another hunger surfaced at this moment, and it was what made him move his body towards her._

_They only walked no more than a few feet before coming to a halt. [y/n] turned to look at the stand of popcorn. The sound of a new batch being made and the smell of saltines moved her towards the vendor. He smiled at the sight, but it was soon covered by a face of question, seeing the two figures approaching._

_-Hiya sweetheart, comin’ to get a bag of popcorn?- [Y/n] smiled and nodded, her eyes turning to glance sweetly at the ginormous clown behind her._

_-Bob, want some?- She asked, but he just stood there, without an answer coming out of him. She still smiled and turned back towards the vender._

_-Just one small bag, please.- The man nodded, filling the bag and handing it to her._

_-It’ll be a penny,- he said, and she delicately reached for a small coin purse between the folds of her skirt. She pulled out a small coin before placing it on the vendor’s open palm. The vendor suddenly wrapped his hand around hers. It wasn’t harming her, but it kept her in place. He smiled at her with a kind of drunk, hazy, smile. It soon took away her smile._

_-I’ve never seen you in here before. I’m sure I’d remember a pretty face like yours. Why are you with one of those_ freaks _?- he asked in a baritone voice as his eyes locked with hers. If he so much as glanced to the side, he would feel the hate and killing glare of the clown behind her. Let’s just say that the next day, the popcorn vendor never showed up for work._

_She forcefully took her hand away, and her gentle face turned into a scowl. She didn’t say anything, she just turned around and walk away._

_They returned to the bandwagon after a few minutes of roaming, and she sat on the wooden steps of it, looking even smaller next to him._

_-You know, I love popcorn, but I wanted to slap that man in the face...- she said stonely._

_Robert started at her, examining every detail of her face. His hunger was striking, he needed to feed, he knew that by now, but the feeling of hatred towards that popcorn vendor was something new. He didn’t think of the man’s flesh ripping open to feed his hunger or making the man see his worst nightmares just to make him taste better. It was a violent thought that was rash and sloppy, like when an animal tries to steal someone else’s prey just for recreation._

_-My kids would love to see that,- she added moments later, smiling to herself and huffing, thinking about it like a memory._

_-Kids?- he asked. That perked his interest, and she furrowed her brow just a little, before jumping from the seat in realization of what it could mean._

_-Not_ my _kids!- she chuckled. -I’m talking about my students! I’m a teacher, or...well...at least I_ tried _to be. Most of my colleagues are women of age, but since I’m twenty-five, they do not show me any respect...but those kids, they are wonderful...-_

_His hand tightened around the cords of the balloons, silently rejoicing at those words, thinking of how easy it would be to make her take him to a feast of blood and fear._

_-Maybe I could cheer them up? I could do a show for them!- he suggested, showing his bunny-like teeth in a smile. She innocently returned one at him._

_-Maybe, but first you need to practice your people skills. You will never have anyone knowing your talents if you don’t have a stage name to call you by… Oh wait, I know! How about ‘Pennywise’? ‘Pennywise The Dancing Clown?’ - She stood up, the bag of popcorn long empty. She grabbed the array of balloons to knot them to one side of the wagon. She grabbed both of his large hands, and she pushed herself to one side, making them circle around the same spot on the ground._

_-Pennywise?- he asked._

_-Yeah, it’s unique...like you are! I just thought about the penny I spent on the popcorn, and how that man was not very wise...Pennywise!- She looked at him, waiting for a happy callback, but his brows furrowed._

_-You don’t like it... I mean, it’s silly, I know….- she mumbled sheepishly, feeling like a fool for even suggesting it. However, the name wasn’t what he was furrowing his brow for; he’s never met someone like her before. He’s never felt someone by his side just because they choose to be. He’s witnessed Derry build up from nothing, but something here felt out of place._

_-Pennywise...yes, I like it...- He nodded his head, the hunger for her slowly rising._


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ I'd like to thank PeblezQ for being my amazing Editor and Beta Reader! ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

_ The people in the town of Derry where simple. Everything else was mainstream for kids or just for weekend fun, but everyone in Derry could agree on something. Murmurs and gossip would be the best way for everyone to conjoin together as a town; woman would do lunches just for gossip, men would be more reserved, doing it on the job or having a cold drink in a bar. Nonetheless, it was there, by now the town was no more than a few thousand people, and if you lived there long enough, you ended up knowing every single face. _

_ The first time the carnival arrived, it was on everyone's mouth for the first few months. People filled every corner of the place, but as soon as everyone has seen the performances and shows, the carnival was less and less recurring. It was more for men trying to impress their dates and kids that wanted to see the animals. Hank, the main looker for potential customers at the door, made sure to notice and entertain the people walking by. His eyes found a figure coming towards him, it was interesting. Hank knew by now that the people of Derry like to gossip, and yet nobody seemed to notice or didn’t care the quite unusual connections he has made. [Y/n] smiled at Hank, and he returned one himself, letting her walk past the arcs of the carnival without asking for a fee. _

_ She has been coming almost everyday since the carnival arrived. She would go in the morning to teach the kids at school. Everyone in her school thought that she was a nice young woman, and nobody ever saw her mad or with a scowl across her face. Yet, every time someone invited her to so something after school, she gently refused before excusing herself. The old teachers were horrified to see that it was worse with men. Every time a potential partner came up to invite her always ended up nodding in rejection before walking away. ‘What on earth is that woman doing with her life?’ they all asked each other. _

_ A few knocks were heard in the crooked door of the bandwagon, and a figure loomed over the bed, blue eyes glancing at the door with intensity. _

_ -Bob, come on! Open up!- The melody of [y/n]’s voice reached him, reminding him that she was still alive, that he hasn’t killed her yet. The first few weeks he was puzzled by the idea of why he hasn’t he ripped her in half, but he could see it clearly now. He didn’t even know how he missed it in the first place. She shined, her soul was practically a star in his eyes, and he’s never seen any human possess a shine so strong before. That was bad for him, knowing that if she wanted to, she was the one to become his demise. _

_ However, it seemed that instead of that, she gravitated to be near him, and she chose to be by his side. He saw her face almost everyday, and she would always accompany him there. At first, it was his line to get rid of her since she was just a mere mortal, but every time he thought that, it felt like an unnecessary blood kill, so he always refused the idea. _

_ He opened the door to meet her grinning face, her hair was loose this time, and he knew that she just brushed it with her fingers as he has seen before. Her hands were busy with flowers; they were a bright yellow, like small sunshines. _

_ -You like them?- She asked,  pushing them up so he could see them more closely. -I got a surprise for you! Come on!- She said, hopping the steps towards the dirt ground. Her skirt filled with a brown lining of dirt at the bottom, but she didn’t seem to mind. _

_ It was better for him to keep her close, that way he could make sure that she wouldn’t do anything or figure out  _ **what** _ he really was. He looked towards the ground she had kneeled in, searching in a big navy bag. She took out brushes and several bottles of paint. He examined her, trying to figure out what she was planning to do with all of that. She intrigued him; her way of viewing life, how she moved, and what she does. Every time he sees her, it seemed like learned something new about her, and on a few occasions, he even spoke back, to explain to what of the why, or even maybe just to say what he has seen. _

_ She took out a white apron as well, or it might have been white at one point in life since it now has plasters of bright colored paints everywhere. _

_ -The school said that they were going to get rid of old paints and materials, but I thought that I could give them a good use. It’s going to take a while to paint, but I think I can manage the challenge.- Her fingers combed through her hair, until picking it up in a loose bun. Her eyes scanned the front side of the wagon before turning to Bob. _

_ -What? Why are you looking at me like that? Don’t tell me I already got paint on my face. Last time it took me days to remove it!- She said, her hands touching her cheeks. _

_ -What are you planning on doing with all of this, [Y/n]?- His tongue dragged out her name. He had said it a few times before, but he was puzzled with it now. Before all of this, even in the macro-verse, every entity prefered to turn away and refuse his presence. They sensed the danger, even that stupid turtle just turned it’s back to him. On Earth, he learned that humans were easy to deceive; an easy trap for an entity like IT. However, the person with the capability of undoing him was in front of him with a silly smile on her face and a color plastered apron. She’s choosing to be with him, and she has said herself that something made her move towards him. A part of him, small and unsure, thought that maybe something made him move towards her as well. IT wasn’t human though. He looked like one, but everything was a facade. ‘Can she see that?’ he wondered. ‘Can she see  _ **_me_ ** _?’ _

**_-_ ** _ You need everyone to notice you, and what better way to do that than to paint your name on the bandwagon! I made a drawing, look,- she pulled out a worn-down book, flipping it over to show a rather detailed sketch. He could see a few of the erased outlines from mistakes, ‘she really took her time,’ he wondered. It was a simple drawing of just a clown face in the center with ‘Pennywise The Dancing Clown’ in a cheerful display.   _

_ -Have you thought about your act, Mister Pennywise?- She asked him without facing him, taking small pieces of chalk to start drawing on the the wood. Her fingers were already covered in white dust as she started to draw the letters. He grabbed the strings of red balloons that were knotted at the pole near him. He stared deeply at her, taking in how her nose twitched slightly every time the chalk touched the wood, or how her chest  would rise and fall slowly as she breathed. He never stopped to look at a person so much as he’s done to her. _

_ He moved slowly towards her, and his height blocked her from the sun. This made her glance at him before she stopped drawing entirely and and turned towards him. She had a smirk on her lips, and a puzzled gaze in her eyes. _

_ -Hiya gorgeous, would you like a balloon?- His voice was deep and quiet, nothing like his goofy clown voice. It seemed like this voice was only meant for her. He extended his arm, waiting for her response. She grabbed it with delicacy, trying to not to touch him so chalk wouldn’t mess up his gloved hands. His face fell down at the little act, but he kept his smile nonetheless. _

_ -Thank you, Pennywise...- she answered quietly. This wasn’t her usual tone; it sounded private, intimate. Her eyes never left his, the air feeling heavy with emotions that they just didn’t seem to notice. _

_ -Would you like another?- he asked with another single red balloon in his hand. She laughed, grabbing it and nodding. _

_ -How about another balloon?- After losing count on how many balloons he has given to her, her laughter became stronger. ‘A wonderful laugh,’ he thought. _

_ -How are you doing this?! There can’t be his many balloons! The bouquet still looks full!- _

_ -Oh, but Pennywise always has balloons for everyone,- he said, looking at her hand. It has started to become red from the friction of the strings, and it looked like she actually needed to use effort to hold them down. _

_ -If you give me one more balloon, I might float away!- She joked. _

_ They both turned to see the chuckles that were from neither of them. A woman, her husband, and their kids found their way to stop in front of them. They were chuckling, but Pennywise wasn’t. _

_ His smile was gone as soon as he turned to see the family. For some reason it angered him, something in him snapped with rage. They have no means to be there, he thought. It felt like they don’t belong in this moment. _

_ -I’m sorry if we interrupted dear, it’s just that we happened to walk by, and it caught our attention at how cute the balloon show was. Erick here was amazed by it!- She squeezed the shoulder of her son. -Let me just say that the way you both perform it’s adorable! You can really see that you're having fun!- The woman warmly looked at her husband in which he nodded, agreeing with her. _

_ [Y/n] moved forwards towards them, giving a red balloon to each of them, before kneeling towards the little boy. _

_ -Wanna see something pretty?- She asked, and the boy nodded rapidly. -Ok, watch the sky,- and with that, she released the balloon in her hand, making not only the family, but everyone in the carnival to look up amazed. _

_ She turned to look at Pennywise, just to find him looking at the sky as well. She slowly reached her hand towards him, making him cast his gaze down at her, his eyes looking intensively at her. _

_ -Why did you do that?- He questioned. She squeezed his hand gently before turning her eyes away to their front. _

_ -Look,- she said, making him turn his eyes towards the direction of hers. People were coming towards them. _

_ -Now you have your audience,- her voice was supple and quiet, and she made her way so it would be for the two of them. _

_ People encased them, eyes locked on him, waiting for him to do something. Boys and girls fought to put themselves in the front so they could see better. [Y/n] moved her way back, leaving only the ghost of her presence. He never intended for this, but it seemed that it could work after all. Seeing the chubby cheeks of kids, mouths filling with so much saliva that at the corner of his mouth, a glint of it was peeking. They will taste so much better afraid. _

_ -Come on clown! Do something! This place cost a buck and ain’t gonna be wasted!- A man yelled at the back, his tone condescending, making a few people laugh at that. The man’s chest rose with pride at the result. _

_ Pennywise moved forward, ready to snap his head in two, but a warm hand made him halt his steps. He turned his head around, aggravated and annoyed by that sudden move. [Y/n] looked at him with warning eyes, like she knew what he was about to do, but then her smile turned into a malicious grin. _

_ -Wait a second,- she said, moving quickly towards the navy bag before taking something out and hid it from the lookers. She moved in front of Pennywise, and signaled him to bow towards her. He complied, interested in her plan. _

_ -I found something that might work,- she pinned something on his chest, her hands fumbling for a moment. He looked down to find a yellow flower, like the ones he had seen earlier, but this one seemed unusual. Her hand traveled to his chest all the way down until reaching his hand. For the people waiting, it seemed no more than a lover encouraging the other, but the rubber small globe that [Y/n] pressed in his hand said otherwise. _

_ -Just press this when you come near him, ok?- she whispered to him, her warm breath barely hitting his neck. _

_ -Here, it looks good on you, see? Now try again!- She said louder on purpose so the people didn’t think much of it. She turned herself towards the audience, smiling before turning to paint the wagon once more. _

_ He moved towards the man, his height making it easy to reach the gentleman. His cocky eyes changed into worry, but Pennywise just giggled and smiled at him, a glint of his true sadism showing up. _

_ -Would you like to smell my flower?- he asked, his voice changing into a more higher tone. The man shook his head no, so Pennywise changed his expression to an exaggerated sad face. _

_ -OOOoooH don’t be like that! Come on, just one sniff!- He said. Mockery laced in his voice instead, and everyone stared at them. _

_ The man nodded before moving his face towards the flower. As he was ready to inhale, his face was met by a squirt of transparent liquid onto his face, making him back away immediately with a scowl on his face. _

_ -What the fuck?!- _

_ Laughter echoed all around them, and Pennywise turned to look at [y/n]. Her back was facing him, but he could see by the shakiness in her shoulders how hard she was covering her laughter. _

_ The angry man walked away, and after a few minutes, so did the small audience. He moved closer to her, her giggle still persistent and a few tears at the edges of her eyes. _

_ -See, it works like magic. I think from now on I’m not going to be the only one you hear laughing.- That phrase sounded bittersweet out loud for both of them. They grew quiet, but she reached towards him, placing both hands on his chest before removing the flower. _

_ -I love sunflowers,- she said more to herself, her deep gaze contemplating the yellow petals of the flower. _

_ -Why?- He asked intrigued. He’s seen humans possess affection to many things like money, power, and being better than everyone else. _

_ -I don’t know, I just do. They are like the sun itself, I suppose. No place can look sad when you have a sunflower somewhere. Here, look!- She turned, moving towards where the bouquet of sunflowers laid. She took it, her face buried in the petals, and her eyes closed for a moment, taking it all in. She pushed the flowers closer to him. _

_ -Just smell them...- her tone was soft and gentle. He hesitated, not knowing why he would comply to her, but he did nonetheless. Her eyes were wide and watching his every movement. His face was inches apart from hers when suddenly, the same transparent liquid came rushing out of one flower and into his face. _

_ It felt like time stopped for a few seconds, and [y/n]’s face became a deep shade of red before she released a booming laugh. Pennywise stood still, tense, with every-part of his body in a state of shock. _

_ His eyes followed her every movement, he felt enraged that she even consider doing that, and he felt like he should have skinned her for that, but a new array of emotions came as well. Amazement that she could manage to play him like that, worry that he let himself do her command, enraged that he already knew that he wasn’t going to kill her, and something that he himself should never feel; he was scared. He was scared that he didn’t want to kill her. He was scared that he was enjoying her presence. He never knew how alone he was since the day he was created, and that a human like her with a shine so unusual, managed to do that. It didn’t feel like a coincidence that they are here together, and that scared him most. _

_ -Come on don’t look at me like that! It was funny, and you know it!- She said, taking in a breath and the red in her cheeks beginning to fade. _

_ -It seems that you are the only one laughing,- he said, his tone sarcastic but amazingly, not mad. She rolled her eyes at that before grabbing a small handkerchief from her skirt pocket, and leaning closer to him. _

_ She wiped the water from his face with delicacy. Noticing that the paint was not smudging away, she stopped once she could see no more water, but her hand remained on his face, her eyes scanning every one of his features. _

_ -You know....- she said, their eyes connecting, -I have never seen you without makeup...- she stated, her face becoming one of doubt. She felt his hand cover hers before removing it from his face and stepping backwards. _

_ -Pennywise....Bob, are you Ok?- she spoke with her face filled with worry. She might have said something wrong, she wondered. She thought about moving closer towards him, but stopped, unsure of what to do. _

_ -[Y/N]!- They both turned their heads towards the person screaming. A man, no more than 35, approached them. He was dressed in a pristine suit and he moved across the place with repulsion towards the people around him. His leather shoes moved with some kind of supremacy, and his face was round and short. His black hair was combed perfectly to one side, while his mustache remained unmoving. He had a scowl on his face. _

_ Pennywise turned to look at the man before returning his eyes towards [y/n]. She looked angry as their eyes met each-other. He has never seen her with repulsion on her features. She moved closer towards the bandwagon. _

_ -There you are! This is where you have been these past few months? I come to the school everyday! Nobody would tell me where you were! My god, do you have any idea how hard was to find you?- The aggression in his tone made something deep inside Robert Gray twist and turn. _

_ -Thomas, you did not need to find me. If I wanted it, I would have told you, can’t you understand that?- [Y/n] responded, her tone harsh and unapologetic. Thomas looked at her with resentment at the answer she gave him. He glanced at Pennywise, a sneer crossing his lips before turning to her again. _

_ -What on earth are you doing here, and looking like that! What would people think if they saw you like this! You look like a circus freak!- By now [y/n]’s face twisted into rage, and she took a few authoritative steps towards him, her fist clenching and unclenching, ready to blow up. _

_ -Get out of here, then! I have told you a thousand times, I am not interested!- Her face turned sideways, glancing at Pennywise. Her smile re-surfaced. - I would rather date a circus freak, if you do not mind...- Her tone was clear and smug, and Thomas’ face was red in rage at that. He opened his mouth to say something, but instead he just left a trail of dust on his way out. _

_ The entity that carried the name of ‘Robert Gray’, and now ‘Pennywise the dancing clown’, understood at that moment what swirled and twirled inside of him. He understood what a male could be looking for in [y/n], and he didn’t like the idea. She was far too peculiar, far too interesting, and far too meant for him just to let her get away. _

_ He knew he felt a new hunger the day they met, it was the hunger of possessiveness, and if she came to him, she was far too late to not know that. _

_ The night in Derry came just a few hours later. Everyone had gone home, Erick had dined the chicken his ma’ seemed to make so well, and he played with his red balloon all day. He bounced it, let it go just to grab it at the last second, it was thrilling; he likes balloons. _

_ -Erick, could you take this out? I do not want any insects in the house again,- his mom called from the kitchen. He tied his balloon to his wrist as he moved towards her. She placed a bag in his hands before grabbing his cheek playfully and watched him walk out. The sound of the front door opening and closing was the only thing heard in the house. _

 

_ Erick looked up at the sky, the glowing stars greeted him, and he moved towards the sidewalk before the frozen air gave him a cold. He hated those, his ma’ would make him eat a weird oil, saying that it will cure him faster. _

_ -Hiya there!- Erick quickly turned, his eyes meeting orange pompoms. He looked up, meeting orange eyes and a grin. _

_ -You're the clown from earlier! The one with all the balloons!- He cheered, not feeling the menacing stare. _

_ -Thats right!- He giggled, -I tell you what, if you come with me, I could give you more red balloons!- He proposed, and Erick looked questioningly at the clown. _

_ -I don’t know, mister clown... My ma’ will get worried...- his tone was unsure. The last time he’s gone away for too long, ma’ made sure to beat him up with one of the old leather belts his father wasn’t using. _

_ -Oh, I’m sure they won’t mind. I’ll even give you more balloons so you could give some to them! What do you say, Erick?- Pennywise’s face met his, his unblinking eyes waiting. The boy didn’t even seem to pick up any hints of danger, and before he grew tired of waiting, the boy nodded. _

_ \- Ok! I wanna be like the lady! She had so many balloons that she thought she would float! I wanna see if I can float!- he exclaimed before feeling a gloved hand grabbing his and pulling him into the darkness. _

_ Erick’s mom realized about an hour later that her son never made it back inside. _


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ I'd like to thank PeblezQ for being my amazing Editor and Beta Reader! ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

_ [Y/n] walked through the town early the next morning, the sun barely peaking through the east. The air smelled like humid grass and freshly baked bread. Walking through the market, she noticed the morning employers starting to set up their products. She loved walking at this time because she could see the town of Derry in a new light. _

_ She knew her way to the carnival without even thinking about it. The feeling of another type of warmth throbbed into her heart; she didn’t know how this all happened, but she has never felt this way before. It was strange at first, something inside of made her move like a magnet towards Robert Gray. She felt calm and happy, she always had an easy laugh, but never like this, this was something else. _

_ [Y/n] knew that people, especially the women at her school, criticized her. They couldn’t understand how she wasn’t married or allowing any man to court her, but she never felt the need to, nor did she ever feel anything towards those men. So why should she lie? _

_ Thomas has been one of them, but he didn’t seem to know when to leave her alone. She recalls the first time they met, he came looking for his son at school, saying that the maids were busy with the arrangements of a giant party he was hosting. It was ridiculous and he was trying to show off. He invited her to that party, but she gently refused. His face turned into the ugliest recoil she had ever seen. He’s never experienced a refusal, so ever since then, he tried even harder. He thought that with all the money and gifts in the world, he could eventually buy her love, which in reality would really be just buying her for the sake of winning a challenge. _

_ She thought that one day she would feel it, that calling, that something that lets you know that  _ **_they_ ** _ are the one. Her childhood tried to teach her that true love doesn’t exist, but she refuses to acknowledge it. She has seen people joining together in the strangest ways, and no matter what you do, the universe is going to push you towards one another. _

_ It was like that when she saw Robert Gray for the first time, and everyone would call her mentally ill for saying something like that for a man like him. She has never seen him without makeup and he was strange, but in the eyes of the town, so was she. She felt like she could feel his emotions, a connection, something that they both know but haven’t figured out quite yet. _

_ The strong sound of a can falling to the ground made her lose her thoughts. It rolled down next to her, and she furrowed her brows and picked it up.  _ ‘‘Turtle Glue’... what a peculiar name.’

_ -I’m sorry miss, that’s mine- A voice said making her turn around. It was a boy, no more than seventeen. His tone was shy and he was carrying a stack of papers in one hand, and the other was strongly clasped around the straps of an old bag that hung from his shoulder. _

_ -There you go, then- [Y/n] said, her face turning gentle. The boy smiled and nodded, thanking her. He fumbled for a moment, trying to open his bag with one hand before dropping several pieces of paper on the ground. _

_ -Let me help you- She crouched, picking up the scattered pieces of paper on the ground. She stopped, her eyes landing on the title. _

**‘MISSING KID’**

‘Erick Elkins, 10 years old. Caucasian, about 4’0 feet tall, brown hair and green eyes. He has a scar on his back and left arm. He was last seen wearing a cream shirt, brown trousers, white socks and black moccasins. If you see the boy, immediately report it to the Derry Police Department.’

_ -Awful, right?- The boy speaks up, noticing her actions. She didn’t say a word, but nodded, her eyes casted down at the image. _

_ -He’s probably hiding somewhere. Some folks told me that his mama ain’t coated with sugar...- thee boy kept his tone low and private, and she hands him the papers before this becomes more like gossip than actual news. _

_ [Y/n] keeps walking, her mind filling with worry. This was the fourth case this year. Boys will be ending school soon into winter break. She knew Derry wasn’t the most beautiful town or the biggest one, but kids going away, some say that they just get the hell out of this town, some say that the parents get rid of them since they didn’t want to spend another dollar for a child. All of the options were macabre or crudely intended, but no one seemed to take this seriously, she just hopes her kids will stay safe. _

_ The arcs of the carnival salt her with their presence. Hank was asleep in a chair next to them, his mouth slightly open, and his arms crossed to keep him warm. She smiled at the sight before taking a green apple she carried with her and placed it on his lap, trying to not wake him up before moving along. _

_ The carnival was empty which was unusual for a place like this. The silence was something she was not used to in this place, and the tents and stalls were still closed. Her eyes landed on the bandwagon, the paint was almost done. There were only a few details to complete it. Some paint colors didn’t match, since she was using all kinds of leftover paint, but it looks beautiful nonetheless. It took her more time than she thought, but she didn’t complain. In fact, a part of her knew that she took her time so she could stay a little longer, even if she already spends most of her time in here anyways. _

_ She stops in front of it, waiting to hear something to let her know that a certain someone wasn’t awake. She settled everything on the ground gently to finish the last part of the painting. Her old brushes stroked the wood with care, blending and smudging the paint, making sure the details made everything stand out. The tip of her fingers were covered in a fine layer of every color she’s been using until now. _

_ The sun was already up, a few people who work there coming in, and some notice her and give her a weird look before waving just to shake their head after. She took a step back. ‘It's done!’ _

_ Her feet slowly climbs every small step towards the door, there was no sound, but time was running short. _

_ -Bob? Hey, I’m sorry if I woke you up. I have something to show you, and maybe a favor to ask?- The last part was quiet. She waited for the door to fling open to show his face filled with anger, but there was no answer. _

_ -Bob? Robert? Pennywise?- She called, knocking each time without no one responding, it was weird. She was sure it was still pretty early in the morning. _

_ -I’m coming in so please don’t be naked- She said, her hand on the handle. She pushed it down, feeling the lock give in. She hesitated before moving the door just a few inches when suddenly, a hand grabbed her and slammed the door closed once more. _

_ She jumped backward at the fast movement, her back hitting something, and by the feeling of the big gloved hand that covered her face, she knew exactly who it was. _

_ -Don’t enter haunted houses alone, [Y/n]. It’s never a good idea.- His tone was husky and low, but she could feel a hint of menace in there. He had bowed enough, so his warm breath reached her ears, and his giggle followed, just for a few seconds. _

_ -It can’t be  _ that _ messy of a place...- She answered back sarcastically. She let go of the handle, her body trying to turn in the small space between the door and him, feeling extremely warm by the closeness. She looked up at him, waiting for something, but he stays there, almost thinking what he was going to do next. _

_ His body was placed so she couldn’t move anywhere, making something inside him vibrate. He always loved the feeling of cornering his prey, leaving them helpless. However, this felt different. She wasn’t his typical helpless prey, but the prey of another desire, perhaps. _

_ -Come on, I have to show you something- She finally said, not waiting for him to react. She moved out of his way in a slithering fashion, her body wrapping quickly around him before moving towards the side of the wagon. _

_ -Surprise! I just finished minutes ago, so the paint is still fresh. What do you think?- She asked as her hands raised, displaying the results of her work. _

_ He looked at it; the bright mismatched colors, the clown in the center, the crooked letters, everything reminds him of her, it was as peculiar as she was. _

_ He felt her elbow nudge him gently, causing him to look down at her. Her smile was bright and proud, and her soul was shining even brighter. _

_ -Don’t stare at it too much! Anyways, I have a favor to ask you- It was unusual for her to say that. Ever since they met, it seems that all she’s done is just for the sake of doing it. _

_ -Today is the last day of school before winter break, so I thought that maybe you could meet them! I know they will love you! Besides, ‘Pennywise The Dancing Clown’ is a name everyone needs to remember!- She exclaimed. He could feel the bubbling happiness in her words, but his hunger for young supple fresh made him grin. _

_ -OH, but of course! They all float with me!- He said, his giggle laced within him. _

_ -Come on then, Mister Pennywise, I can’t wait to see their faces!- She said cheerfully. _

_ The walk to the school was short but interesting. Everyone around them twisted and turned to look at the odd sight. People weren’t used to seeing a clown outside the carnival, but then again, who has? _

_ His height was the other thing making him stand out. People just didn’t understand the connection between him and the woman. Her smile and way of moving next to him seemed far too familiar. _

_ There were a few people who did recognize them, they didn’t know their names, but they remember seeing them in the carnival. The woman usually was painting and talking, while the clown just stood there, once in a while talking to kids and teenagers walking by. Nobody would ever notice them in the back of the carnival, but if you ever looked, it felt like looking at something private, like peeking in the window of a home, far too personal. _

_ The women at the Derry School were old, already lived their lives, married, had kids, and they spend most of their lives teaching. By the time they reached this age and experience, you’ve seen it all. _

_ But this.... _

_ This was outrageous! They have met [Y/n] just a few years back. She was young and bright, but very naïve. She seemed far too plucky for her own good, and she hasn’t learned when to shut up. No woman should act like that. They learned that she was a good teacher, even if they had their doubts, but that was it. [Y/n] didn't talk much anymore rather than to speak about something of work, or just to answer a question. They thought it was only with them, but then they noticed that it was also with men. _

_ At first, they thought that she might be sick. They all have heard of a disease that makes you have an attraction for your own gender. She would've been fired immediately if she has shown a sign because no sick people could be around kids, they were far too young and may catch the disease. _

_ She didn’t seem to have it, but that doesn’t mean that the teachers weren’t pending for any of its kind. _

_ [Y/n] entered the front of the school, her eyes glued on the awful looking clown next to her. The women in the school knew that look, that stupid gullible look of love. At one point they looked at their husbands like that. Now, not so much. The clown itself has his eyes set on her, once in a while turning to see his surroundings, eyes locking with each of the women that were criticizing the scene. His face changed into a snarl, even if it was just for a moment, but they understood that was a threat. _

_ The classroom was full of screaming kids. [Y/n] slowly opened the door, and as soon as she stepped a foot in the room, it grew quiet.... For about two seconds. _

_ -Miss. Embers, Bert said that I have a stain on my dress! Is that true?- A girl ran in front of her, turning to show her the dress with her eyes puffy and nose red. _

_ -No Sarah, it’s not, and Bert, stop bothering her. Everybody sit down, please.- She said with her eyes narrowed at the boy. _

_ -I have a surprise for you! As you know, today is the last day of school!- All of the kids cheered at that. -Soooo, I thought what better way to spend the last day than at the carnival?- Everyone went mad a that, screaming with gleaming joy. She raised her arms trying to calm them down before it turns into complete havoc in the room. _

_ -Settle down!- She said, trying to contain her laugh. -Unfortunately, the school didn’t give me permission for it. So, if they won’t let me bring you to the carnival, then I decided to bring the carnival to you. This is someone special to me, I know you all will have a great time with him, so be kind, and don’t work him up so much, ok?- Everyone nodded, some had query faces, not sure about everything,     _

_ Pennywise stepped in slowly, his mind becoming a haze of excitement. About twenty kids looked over at him, their eyes unsure and excited by the clown walking in. It was easier for him, children don’t notice the environment, they don’t feel the danger until it’s too late. They all see a wonderful clown approaching, not the carnivorous predator that stared back. _

_ -Hiya kids! I’m Pennywise! Pennywise The Dancing Clown! Do you like the carnival?- He asked, his voice chipper and fake, just one nuisance stands in his way from devouring every child in this room. _

_ It was a rather strange fact. [Y/n] was his possession, so he had to keep an eye on her by letting her be by his side; of course, he lied to himself with this petty excuse. _

_ By now he has grown attached, if that was even possible. It was rather disturbing and made him frustrated, sometimes pestering and saying that ripping her head off would just make the problem go away.  _ 'But then again, why would I do that?' _ He came to this universe to feed and terrorize, and he never thought that there was anything else it could provide him. It was just useless in his eyes, but she forced her way to him. This made him notice that there was one thing she could do; take away the feeling of loneliness. _

_ He decided that she was his, whether the universe complains or not. He just hasn’t decided what would give him more pleasure; eating her or keeping her. _

_ He decided against it, for now, it was easier to pick on the children alone, so when the children come near him, he just smiles and pretends to be human. _

_ [Y/n] stood there for a few minutes, just staring with adoration at the sight. She has grown fond of these kids since day one, they all had different personalities that she loved to explore. She learned the harsh truth of life in this school as well, knowing that being rich and white is the only way to even afford an education. _

_ She took the liberties anyway, as dangerous as it might be because this town was so small, no one ever considered giving an education to the kids of color. Parents and even the same school thought that it would be a disgrace to let them be in the same classroom as the ‘normal’ kids. The town wouldn’t drop a single penny to provide them with an education because it didn’t matter to them.  _ ‘What would  _ they _ need an education for, anyways?’ _ they would always say. It was the first time she saw the real ignorance of the people in Derry. _

_ So every Sunday, she would walk all the way to the outskirts of the town. A small farm rested there, owned by an old man whose principles were much like hers, so he allowed her to go there and teach. Every kid,  man, and woman who couldn't afford or be allowed to have an education would go there to learn. It wasn’t perfect, she knew that a farm wasn’t a classroom, but it worked for now. _

_ By now, almost everyone that comes to the farm knew how to read and write, some would start to understand basic math, and she loves every moment of it, no matter how bittersweet the reality was once you thought about it. _

_ The school bell rang, announcing the end of the day, and every kid hugged and said their goodbyes before walking out of the classroom. _

_ Pennywise looked at [Y/n], her eyes deep in thought, but she looked happy nonetheless. What would she look like with her eyes filled with fear and her body squirming beneath  _ _ him, trying to pry herself out of him. What would the warmth of her body feel like with her sweat mixed with the tears she would shed. She would look more beautiful. _

_ [Y/n] noticed his eyes wandering all around her body, her face becoming light red, before moving towards him. _

_ -I love your act, you know that don’t you?- She asked, her voice private and sultry after every kid was gone, leaving them alone. _

_ -I have something to ask you....- She talks again, but now with a certain shyness that she never showed with him. He looked at her, peaking the interest of the change in her attitude. _

_ -Would you like to...ummhm...go on a date with me?- She asked, fidgeting in her place.    _

_ -A date?- He asked, not knowing what she meant. Her face turned redder by the second. _

_ -Just...forget it...- She said, turning around. It was the first time she’s done this.  _ ‘No lady should ever invite a man on a date... She's just being a promiscuous woman at that point...’ _ she's heard someone say, once. _

_ She felt his gloved hand grab her wrist, making her stop and look at him. His face was unsure, his eyes showing strangeness at the situation. She realized then that this was new for him as well, her soul thrumming. _

_ -Ok- That’s the only thing he said. After all this time of knowing her, Robert Gray still felt surprised by her. He felt her soul almost explode, it was so strong that something in him trembled as well. He feeds on it, just for that moment. It was addicting, pleasurable, something completely different to fear. It was glorious, the drool from his mouth pooling so much that it almost drips at the side of his mouth. _

_ What is this? _

 

_ I want more. _

 

_ I need more. _

 

_ I need her. _

 

_ I desire it. _

 

**_I desire her._ **


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ I'd like to thank PeblezQ for being my amazing Editor and Beta Reader! ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

_ [Y/n] looked at herself multiple times that day, her hands fidgeted through her hair and her dress. A thrilling nervousness rose in the pit of her stomach every time she recalls what is going to happen today. She knew it was stupid and if anyone saw her like this, they would say that she’s acting like a child, especially because she was the one to invite him, not the other way around. She wondered if he was maybe he was just doing it out of pity; her heart clenched at that thought. Don’t let it be out of pity. _

_ She moved around, reaching the door only to meet Ms.Nelson who was about to knock on her door. [Y/n] lived with an older couple who kindly rented her the room for a cheap price. They were more kind than any person she’s ever met. The house was small and cozy, but there wasn't much privacy since her room was right in front of theirs. _

_ -[Y/n], you look ravishing!- Ms.Nelson beamed. _

_ They walked the long hallway, finally reaching the living room. Mr.Nelson was sitting with the newspaper high, his glasses slightly tipping off his nose. His hand moves to one side, grabbing the cup of hot coffee without even glancing.        _

_ -Mr.Nelson, don’t you think she looks beautiful?- The woman asked, trying to get the attention of her husband. He stopped and moved his eyes towards their figures before returning to the paper. There was an unnoticed smile forming on his face. _

_ -Well, at least it’s not the usual. Interesting day today, pumpkin?- He asks, his tone knowing and father-like. He set the newspaper down, watching [Y/n]'s face form into a red hue around her cheeks. _

_ -Let’s see how the day goes, but, I’m pretty sure it will be...- [Y/n] answers cheekily, her smile growing. _

_ [Y/n] walks out the door, turning to wave goodbye to Ms.Nelson that stood in the doorway. _

_ She walks around the streets and more faces turned to look at her than usual. [Y/n] cleaned the skirt of her dress in an uncomfortable way, feeling like she was wearing too much, or wondering if she looked bad. She recognized the figure at the entrance of the carnival. _

_ Hank took a second to realize it was [Y/n], her silhouette moving with delicacy and pureness. He looks at her with wide eyes after noticing the change of her usual style, taking his hat from his head and placing it right on his chest before smiling while gently bowing. _

_ -Ms.[Y/n], you look outstanding, if I may say that...- he says more elegant than any man she has met before, and she smiles at him. _

_ -Thank you, Hank. I just hope this isn’t too much. I’m just, you know... nervous...- She said in a far too sweet voice, her fingers playing with one another. _

_ -If someone ever says that to you, then they are not worth it- He advised before winking, letting her know that he knows exactly what was going on. _

_ [Y/n] smiles at his words, the spark in her eyes gleaming and her smile returning even bigger, she stood tall before the man. _

_ -You’re right, he already knows who I am. A dress won’t change anything about me- [Y/n] said, before moving inside the carnival, -Thank you, Hank!- She said before continuing. _

_ Some of the usual faces that wake up early to set up everything looks at her, some saying hello, some whispering to one another. Shock and full of speculations were amongst the crowd, of course by now they had seen her far too many times to even wonder what she was doing there. _

_ Actually, everyone in the carnival didn’t know who he actually was. Robert Gray was his name, and they all seemed to see him every single day, but besides that, no one knew anything. He never talks to anyone, never shares anything, and sometimes just disappears until the next day. So when [Y/n] shows up one day, smiling, laughing and talking to him for whatever reason, everyone wonders more who Robert Gray or ‘Pennywise’ as [Y/n] calls him, was, and yet they ask even more who she was. _

_ [Y/n] looks a the bandwagon became closer with each step she took, before stopping suddenly. The air just did not want to come to her lungs. She looks for any sign of him, but it seems that he wasn’t anywhere in sight. Maybe this was a mistake, maybe she forced this too much. _

_ -You look beautiful- The warm breath behind her ear made her skin prickle and a shudder traveled from her head to her toes. She recognized that voice anywhere, but something was different, it sounded more deep and rough. _

_ [Y/n] turned around in a swift movement, meeting something that made her eyes wide in shock. She could feel her face becoming hotter by the second; for the first time in a long time, she was speechless. _

_ Robert Gray stood in front of her in a different form, the shape of what IT would think would suit him best for this date. His plump lips formed into a grin at the sight of her expression. She was wearing a purple dress, fancier than he's ever seen her wear. She still had no jewelry on her, but he learned by now that she likes it that way. Her hair was also set loose, but neat. [Y/n]'s deep red cheeks made him savor the moment more. _

_ -I’m sorry....what?- She said, coming out of her haze, her eyes still roaming his body. He still stands out by his height, but now instead of a clown costume, he wore a simple linen shirt and dark trousers that stay in place by suspenders. His hair was light brown, auburn highlights here and there, and his skin is plump and fair, unlike his white makeup. His rosy lips rose to smile at her, the only thing that stayed the same were his eyes, those beautiful blue eyes that just captivated her since day one. Locking her eyes with him made her realize that no matter what he looks like, clown or not, the feeling deep in her chest just wouldn't go away. _

_ -I said that you look beautiful. Purple is your color- He repeated, a smile forming on her lips as the red hue in her cheeks remains there. The air around them smells divine, since the dawn of time, he never smelled and felt something this unique. He was right, she was far too special for a human. She was made for him, only him. He could live only by her smell forever. _

_ -Thank you, Bob- Her chest became too warm with glee at those words, her nervousness melting away. 'It’s been a long time since I've known him. He is still Robert Gray, there is nothing to be scared about.’ _

_ -So, since I invited you, I guess I’ll be the one to take you somewhere- She elated. She stands still for a moment, her eyes roaming Robert in thought. _

_ -I can’t take you to the carnival, so that's out of our to-do list...- She listed sarcastically, her eyes meeting his once more. -How about we just walk around town?- She asks simply before moving along his side to move. _

_ Taking a few steps forward, [Y/n] feels the pressure of another hand wrapping hers. She stops to look down at his big hand wrapped completely around hers. The small piece of fabric of the glove was missing from his hand. He didn’t feel cold or hot, his hand matches hers perfectly, the pumping of both body’s synchronized almost perfectly. She smiles without a word before moving again, now with him by his side. _

_ Robert Gray feels the softness of her skin for the first time with his own, he took notice of every lump and bump her hand might have. ‘Her whole body must be like this,’ he thought. _

_ This desire consumes him in a way that should never happen, she was becoming something that soon enough he wouldn’t be capable of letting go. It has grown like a virus, spreading more and more until one day it would be far too late. He is a creature far superior if you can even call him a creature at all; IT just is. _

_ He never looks at this town with no more than the eyes of a hungry and merciless killer. Derry has been his corral of cows, nothing more than that. However, now, next to her, he never feeds on something more exquisite. Robert Gray understood that whatever he’s feeding on wasn’t just because of her, she was the reason of course, but the more he smells, the more he realizes this. _

_ When they connect both hands, he could smell green apples, the ones that look ripe and juicy, the smell of flower lace there as well, along with a few notes of something he hasn’t figured out yet. Then he smells popcorn, and cotton candy, like the one’s near the bandwagon, and also wood and ashes. Bob Gray realizes that they both have made the most enticing smell he could feed on. He just didn’t know what he was feeding on exactly. _

_ It wasn’t fear, that much he knew. Feeding on fear is something totally different. Fear could fill him up, and he enjoys the taste of a person far better when they were afraid, but this just wasn’t that. _

_ A pull in his arm made him lose contact with his thought. He looks at [y/n], moving quickly towards a place. She turns to look at him before smiling. _

_ -I know what we are going to do!- She chimes before stopping in front of a door. ‘Mrs & Mr Grewald's Professional Photography Studio’ _

_ [Y/n]’s eyes shine at Robert, his face shows no expression, only raising one brow slightly. _

_ -Phot...ography?- He said it far too quiet and strong, not something she was used to, but she could hear him talk gibberish and she would be happy. _

_ -Yeah, we could take a photo! I mean, we’ve known each other for quite some time, and I would really like to have something that reminds me of this day!- She replies. She thought she was being bold if he understood what she meant by it, but he just seems to look at her and nod. _

_ The small bell letting the owners know that customers were coming in rang, interrupting the silence that the store had moments before.  _

_ Mr.Grewald was a sixty-two year old man, his beard became white long ago. He had married his wife about thirty-eight years ago. They worked together to build a small business they could both run without problem, so when photography became popular in America, they took their chance to be the first one’s in Derry, and they’re still the only ones to do it. It was profitable, not only they had the store, the town hall paid them to record every historic event in Derry, whether it be the construction of a new building, or just a national holiday, Mrs & Mr Grewald has recorded it. _

_ He looks up at the new customers, a young couple it seem. The woman gleamed with joy, but the young man seemed more quiet as his eyes glanced at every single thing in the store. Mr.Grewald felt a shiver crawl all the way up his back, he swears he has seen those eyes long ago, even if it was a glimpse of them, like they got stuck in his memory forever. They look calculating, menacing, old knowing eyes he might say, the kind of look people had when they have lived long enough. Mr.Grewald couldn’t stop thinking about it until the woman spoke up. _

_ -Good day, sir! We would like to take our photo, please!- She gently said with one hand on the counter, while the other was firmly grasped by the man’s hand. His eyes returned to the woman before it got him in trouble. _

_ -Yes, of course, a couple photo I suppose- She nods, and he lets them pass  to enter the photography room. It was nothing more than a room with props and a background.         _

_ The couple looks around waiting for something, maybe questioning what to do. Mr. Grewald comes closer to them and he could practically feel the threat in the man’s posture. He moves closer to her, his body trying to encase her. **‘Don’t touch her’.** _

_ -What kind of photo would you like to do? We have costumes if you like?- He offers to back away and she releases a small warm laugh at that. _

_ -No no, just something simple. Just the two of us as we are will do- She said, her eyes turning to look at Bob, waiting for his response. He looks tense by that, but nodded nonetheless, letting her smile grow even bigger. _

_ Mr.Grewald nods and places himself behind the camera, he explained that they must be still for a couple of seconds for the photo to come out right. The woman releases her hand from his, and he could see the man clasp his hand in a tight fist. It was so hard that he thought that it would start to bleed. Bob didn’t move though, he just kept looking at her. _

_ -Just one. C'mon, for me?- She said, raising her hand for him to grasp it. Robert didn’t hesitate for more than a second, being by her side in a long stride, like she was on fire or frozen. _

_ -I want to capture our laugh forever- She said far too quiet, just meant for one person in the room to hear. _

_ They moved towards one another, and Mr.Grewald was starting to feel uncomfortable. Usually, when a couple came in, they usually kept their distance, no matter if married or not. It was just how everyone does it; apart. Yet, they did the opposite, he puts his hand on her body, one clasping her waist and the other touching her face, making her rise to meet him, almost touching each other noses. In that moment he felt like an outsider, that they wouldn’t even realize if he was there or not. Both of them were locked into each-other’s eyes, she smiles at him, a smile that could show what true love was really supposed to look like. _

_ Mr.Grewald’s eyes didn’t look at her for long before moving his gaze towards the man, he wasn’t smiling as big as she was, but it was there nonetheless. He had a warm and honest smile, meant for her and no one else it seems. His eyes that once were filled with anger and hate, that could make any grown man tremble, were now soft and hazy. Anyone could see the true adoration in them. ‘He hasn’t realized it yet,’ Mr.Grewald thought, ‘he hasn’t realized how in love he is with her...’ _

_ The flash of the camera fills the room with a blinding light, but it didn’t seem to disturb them even for a moment. Mr.Grewald cleared his throat after a while, trying to let them know that it was done. _

_ They separated, not too far from one another, but now he could actually look at both without feeling a red hue creep from the old man’s face. _

_ -It will be no more than a day before the photo is ready- He said, moving with them outside the room and into the entrance of the store. After they made the payment, he saw them walk out the door, his hand grabbing the piece of paper with the information. ‘[Y/n] Embers & Robert Gray’. _

_ After walking around almost all of town, [Y/n] decided to end the day in Bassey Park. They walk more slowly now, the sun casting orange hues on the trees and grass. It was quieter than usual, only a few people here and there. _

_ -Robert....- She mutters, trying to gain strength to look at him without her face in a deep shade of red. -I....Do......mmhmm.....- He furrowed his brows at her hesitance to speak and she opens her mouth again. _

_ -Do you want to rest?- He offers, so she closes her mouth and nods. They walk towards the bridge, by now only wooden rails were at the side of the bridge and [y/n]’s fingers caresses the wooden rail next to her, every indent prominent. _

_ -Why are there so many names written here?- He asks, his eyes following her fingers, she looks at him before understanding his question. _

_ \- Oh! Well, They call this ‘The kissing Bridge’- She said, placing both arms on top of the rail and watching the river flow underneath them. He copies her movements. -Usually people come here and carve their name with someone, saying that if you do, both will live their whole life together...and of course, they usually kiss... It’s silly and childish, but I think it’s sweet- _

_ She finished talking, the corners of her mouth moving up at the thought of her words. ‘It’s nice to know that people still have hope in love.’ She notices the quietness of Robert before her mind understands what she has just said. _

_ -Oh, God! Robert, I didn’t mean......- His mouth silenced her. It was so fast that she didn’t get the chance to close her eyes. His lips were soft, softer than she ever thought. She could feel the warmth of her body mixing with his. He let go after a second, but he placed his forehead against hers, their breath mingling with each-other as his eyes search hers. _

_ Robert Gray never felt like this, he could kiss every part of her body right now. She was shining more than ever, and he could feel it. He examined her moments before, her eyes watching the river, her loose hair cascading at the side of her neck, leaving the small side of her dress reveal her shoulders. He had never seen something more beautiful in his life. He wanted to be with her forever, her soul looked for him, and now he could never be without her again. It would be like a human living without water. He thought for a moment about feeding again, his appetite for fear didn’t quite please him now. She was all he needs. _

_ He moves forward when she turns to look at him, locking his lips with hers, he had to calm himself after he did. Touching wasn’t enough, tasting her won’t be enough: at what point will Robert Gray fill up his hunger for her? _

**_Never._ **

_ Their breaths were short and huffed, she closed her eyes and in that moment, he felt the need to do the same. He would find her anywhere, even if the sun decides not to shine anymore. _

_ -Be by my side forever…- He said in his greed, his voice husky and deep. Part of him wonders why he’s even asking. She was his already. _

_ -I will... I promise you- She answers almost immediately, her hand moving towards him. He opens his eyes and he realizes she has done the same. _

 


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ I'd like to thank PeblezQ for being my amazing Editor and Beta Reader! ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

**_1907_ **

_ It’s been several months since they made that quiet promise on the bridge. Bob Gray stood up in the middle of the bandwagon, he seems to keep his human form more as time grew by. He looks at the only thing besides the bed inside the small box of wood that [Y/n] calls his home. He looks in the little mirror, his eyes reflecting back at him. He could see his body slowly change, his skin turn white, his lips go red, and his hair become orange. _

_ ‘She will think this is magic’ he thought, changing once more. He looks at the photo that stays at the corner of the vanity, his fingers lingered there before grabbing it. He looks at her, her shape, her smile, her gaze, the photo wasn’t doing justice of how beautiful she really was. This past few month he had felt a mixture of fullness and hunger that he himself had problems controlling. He wasn’t feeding on flesh as often now, every time he did, it just seemed tasteless and dull. _

_ He opens the door of the wagon, his feet crashing with the wooden steps with harshness. The air smelled like morning-dew, the sun wasn’t even peaking at the east. The gravel moving beneath his shoes was the only thing he could hear. Nobody was up at this hour, maybe a few drunken men passed out outside of a bar. They tasted awful, and they usually don’t even react with fear as a normal person would. He sniffed the air, following the slight scent of flowers and apples, he did this more often than not. _

_ He reached the house, his body moved like clockwork, reaching her window. He could only look at her back, her hair cascading everywhere, and he could see her nightgown, it was so big it was falling from her, exposing her shoulder and back. He could almost taste her skin, he wanted to bite her, mark her, to let everyone know who she belongs to. He wanted to taste her, his tongue caressing every part of her body, to make her laugh, to hear her say his name, calling him, in her oh so sweet voice, to feel the warmth of her body. _

_ He looks at the reflection of the glass, his eyes reaching almost a deep red with desire, but then he noticed something else, it was something he almost didn’t pick up. He was more aware of her smell that everything else disappears. It smelled like burnt paper and leather, like the one that stays on the rotten corpse of an animal under the heat of the sun. It was repulsive and familiar. He looks at the ground underneath him, the indent on the grass where he was standing looked out of shape, they were smaller, they weren’t his.   _

_ He felt the desire to destroy the entire town in half, ripped whoever even considered looking at her. ‘She’s mine forever, she’s mine and only mine, who are they, how dare they, I will kill them, I will eat their eyes, I will devour their soul. SHE. BELONGS. TO. ME.’ _

_ The knock on her door made him snap out of it, he made his move towards the woods, making his way again towards the carnival, a feral need to kill laid on him. _

_ [Y/n] moved her feet with grace, she moved in her room humming a song, and she looks at the photo of them. It wasn’t perfect, she had folded it several times so it fits in her pocket. She carried it everywhere, just like a charm, a piece of him that would be with her at all times. She opens the door, the door in front of her was closed, ‘They must’ve gone back to sleep’. _

_ She walks through the hallway, not even glancing at the living room, but something red made her turn her head. [Y/n] furrowed her brow at the bouquet of roses that lay on top of the table, she didn’t even touch it. She knows Mr Nelson loved his wife, but he wasn’t the type to buy flowers or gifts. She moves closer, a card sticking out from the stems of flowers. ‘Roses for a rose, Thomas’. _

_ [Y/n] swallowed a groan to not disturb the sleeping couple in the other room. She gently removes the card, tearing it apart, as much as she could. Her hands roam in the kitchen, searching for a piece of paper and a pen. _

_ ‘Please, Mrs.Nelson, Do NOT accept presents from that man again.’   _

_ She made her way outside the house quietly, stopping before it could finally close the door. She could swear she smelled popcorn, maybe it was her hunger.   _

_ After walking with her head in another place, [Y/n] could see she was already coming close to the bandwagon. Arms snaked around her torso quickly, making her turn around and face her predator. _

_ She was met with a toothy grin, before his mouth crashed into hers with hunger. Her heart still jumps every-time they kiss, it pushes and pushes, almost trying to touch his. _

_ He stops, letting her lungs catch some air, her cheeks flushed and her ragged breath made him want to taste her again. _

_ -I can get used to you saying hello to me like that every day- She laughed, her tone filled with desire as well. She saw he was dressed as Pennywise, she could touch the ruffles of his collar, reaching all the way to his cheeks. It never felt like greasepaint, it was almost like his skin. She caresses it softly, his head barely tilting towards her. His blue eyes looked deep at her, watching every movement. _

_ -My Pennywise- She whispers, before kissing him again, softly and sweetly. _

_ They stay in the carnival for a few hours, she just sits on the stairs of the bandwagon and watches his act, sometimes joining in, giving red balloons at any kid walking by. _

_ She just ended up having a stroll around the circus, her hand free of balloons. [Y/n] saw as the door of the wagon opened, and a clown-less Robert Gray walked out. The first buttons of his shirt were open, revealing his collarbone more openly and she stares longer than she intended to. Bob moved closer to her, not waiting any seconds longer before linking her hand with his and walking towards the exit of the carnival. _

_ This routine has become something usual for them, no one ever seems to glance at their direction, like they had their own little bubble. They had found little small treasures in the town, like the little meadow at the outskirts of town and the river nearby with all kinds of flowers growing there. It was the first time they had to fall asleep together, she could still remember the beating sound of his heart lulling her to sleep. They had found a little corner of the library, it seems like nobody actually walked there, so it had become their spot. He had read to her for hours about a book of Derry, almost like he had lived when it happened. Next time she had to return the favor, reading a more childish book, ‘Alice in Wonderland’. She had never been happier in her life. _

_ They have stumbled almost at the end of town, you could hear the singing people from the church. They turn towards Neibolt, the green grass of construct part of town, they still were building houses as time goes by. Reaching the end of the street, [Y/n] nudged Robert’s hand, trying to get his attention, he was already looking at her. _

_ -Look, It’s almost done!- She said, pointing at the mansion in from of them. It was a massive construction, the grass was bare and the outside walls looked new and pristine. A sign was stuck in the grass, ‘FOR SALE’. _

_ -Can you imagine, buying a big house? Who wouldn’t want to live there?- [Y/n] said, her eyes set on the structure of the house. She had a warm melancholic smile and he could feel her hand tightened up just a little, maybe thinking about something. _

_ He pushes her, walking towards the entrance. He hears her complain, but she follows nonetheless. The door was open, so they walk in without permission, it seems nobody was there, so they took their chance. _

_ It has no furniture, but the warm pale wood gave it a bright look inside. The windows were open and letting the sun crash through. It was a cosy house. [Y/n] moved towards the stairs, reaching the main room. It didn’t have crystals so the holes of the windows let the gentle breeze inside. She walks towards one, her sight filled with the giant land of grass in front of her. It was a wonderful view and she turns around to look at Bob, her hand instantly putting her hair behind her ear, tucking it away so it won’t mess up. _

_ \- I can imagine waking up here, just a big, bright house, filled with sunflowers out front...- [Y/n] said. Robert looks at her, her dress flowing with the wind, as her hair moved freely. Her skin glowed with the thought as her soul called to him. He slowly moved closer, taking the true beautiful sight in front of him. _

_ -I mean think about it! All the things I... no... all WE could do!- She said, meeting him in the hallway. He folds his arms and follows her as her imagination runs free as she roams from room to room. _

_ -We could make this our own carnival and paint every wall ourselves! We could have our own library and we could fill this house with sunflowers! I could finally have someplace to teach the kids, no more of that farm, but an actual classroom! Robert, wouldn’t that be amazing?- Her eyes were practically shining at him, she had already thought about everything. She waited for his answer. He didn’t care about where he lived, he never did, but after meeting her, after feeling the emptiness that came once she leaves him alone, after that rancid smell that was at her windows this morning, he wanted to keep her by his side at all times. _

_ -Everyone could come and have a good time. Imagine a big house filled with everyone we know- She said, and he could feel the same strange feeling of rage inside him. _

_ -Who?- He asks dryly. _

_ -I don’t know, the people from town? They seem to be good people, maybe they’ll be good friends, you just have to know them- She said it with a clueless tone, staking a few steps before entering the last room at the top floor. He followed, trying to contain the rage within. He saw her steps falter and stop, it was a small room, with a big window in the middle. He could see her back, her hand raise slowly to touch the wall and he could feel her soul falter. _

_ -This could be our baby’s room...- She muttered so low that any human being wouldn’t have heard it, but he heard it. His rage washes down immediately at that sentence and his body felt cold. ‘A baby? I’m a monster, [Y/n]... That’s just impossible’. _

_ He thought about it a couple of times, her carrying his offspring made him tremble with excitement. He knows that being in his human form made him follow those rules, and that could actually happen, but she was a human and whatever she carries inside of her wouldn’t be. _

_ She turns around, her eyes fell down with sadness, but she smiles nonetheless. Walking towards him, she places her lips on his before hugging him. ‘I know’ He could feel her soul answer. _

_ -Everything is nothing more than just a dream. We could never afford this...- She quietly said. Something about her tone causes him to be in pain. For the first time, he was having the necessity to breathe. _

_  ' _ _ I would destroy the universe if you asked me for it’ He thought. A mere house was nothing. _

_ -Besides, being with you is my home- She finished saying, making the sad mood melt away. She looks at him with malicious intent before kissing him. He became so distracted from her kiss that it gave her a chance to run away from him, her footsteps sounding all over the house. _

__ _ -You can’t catch me!- She yelled, her tone playful. He follows her quickly, dousing her with her childishness behaviour. She turns to look at him, making her way down the stairs faster, her laugh rising by the second.   _

_ He catches her, wrapping his arms around her to pick her up and twirl her around, both laughs mixing together. _

_ -You will never get away from me, [Y/n]- He said, his tone sounded playful, but deep down, marked the truth behind those words. He places her gently on the floor and she turns to face him, their body's still touching each other completely. _

_ -And why would I want to get away, Mr.Robert Gray? I made you a promise, didn’t I?- Her tone was becoming less sarcastic and more serious, sultry even, a side he had rarely seen on her. _

_ His hunger rose as a deep growl emitted from his chest. He just couldn't take it anymore. He grabs her hand, dragging her out of the house without another word, his head filled with desire, blinding him. He needed to touch her. They were reaching the entrance of the carnival when she stops, her breath ragged and sweat covering her. _

_ -Bob, what happened? Why are we returning to the bandwagon?- She asks, and he only turns to look at her. She quickly understood the look in his eyes. [Y/n] had seen that look before on men. She never cared for it, but now her own body was feeling like a burning oven like her clothes could catch on fire any moment. _

_ They entered the bandwagon with an unspoken desire. The sun was setting already, the night will catch up to them soon. _

_ The warm orange light from the oil lamp was giving them enough light. [Y/n] looked around, she has gone in several times, but this was different. Nervousness crawled through her body and her hands were slightly shaking. He turns to look at her, his face serious. _

_ -Ever since the day I was...born... all I have ever known is hate and rejection. Nobody would look at me without fear in their eyes. So, I started to feed on it to survive, no matter where I was. I never understood how alone I really was. But then, you show up, and something told me that you were different, that you are the only thing that I desire. [Y/n]......- _

_ -I love you- She interrupted, tears forming in the corner of her eyes. Her hands connected with his, a shaky smile forming. _

_ ‘Is that what this is? Love?’ He was feeding on their love. He wasn't supposed to love, he was never supposed to feel that way, but then again, she wasn't supposed to exist, and here she is, loving him. _

_ Her soul was bright and warm, like the candle in the room. Something in him could feel it, reach her, and touch it. _

_ -I love you- He finally said, his mouth crashing with hers. He could feel her tears rolling down on her cheeks, so he kissed them. Her hand reached his face, and she cleans a single tear from his face. The air was filled with their scent, unspoken words said with movements. _

_ -I love you- He repeated, kissing her hungrily on the neck, the desire within his chest rising. His hands placed gently on the back of her dress, not waiting a second longer to touch every part of her body. _

**_‘MINE’_ **

_ They soon laid on the small bed of the bandwagon, the warmth of naked skin mixing together as one. He had placed himself on top of her. Her body calls him to taste her and he wanted to mark every part of it with his teeth. _

**_‘MINE’_ **

_ -I love you- She whispered to him, the sound of pleasure is prominent in her tone. Her hands roamed his body, trying to feel him there, with her, forever. _

**_‘MINE’_ **

_ He had never felt this way before, the need, the desire, being in her, the ecstasy, the little moans she made. It was driving him mad. She had the complete power to rule him. His beautiful [Y/n], her shining [Y/n], her perfect everything. His [Y/n].  _ **_HIS._ **

**_‘MINE’_ **

_ She screams his name over and over again, driving him to point when he could no longer hold himself. Groans and growls filled the small bandwagon. _

**_‘I LOVE HER’_ **

**_‘MINE’_ **

**_‘[Y/N]...’_ **

**_‘I LOVE YOU’_ **

**_‘I LOVE YOU’_ **

**_‘PLEASE… LOVE ME...’_ **

_ The morning sun came crashing towards the small windows on top of the bandwagon. Robert Gray looked at the supple shape of [Y/n], her arms laced around his body greedily and her heart was beating like clockwork. Her hair spread like a halo around her. He realized that he had felt this way since the first day he met her, ever since he laid his eyes on her, ever since they first touched each other. He looked at her, kissing her on the temple, whispering once more. _

_ -I loved you...since forever ago...- _

_ A small smile formed on her sleeping face. _


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ I'd like to thank PeblezQ for being my amazing Editor and Beta Reader! ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

**_1908_ **

_It was Easter of 1908, people gathered around fairly quickly in the morning, meeting at Church. The morning pastor gave the usual speech about the beginning of Spring. Usually, parents force their kids to go, but today they slumbered in late, giving everyone else a breath before every other festivity began._

_The egg hunt of this year was massive, taking over all of Basey Park. After that, everyone will meet for the rest of the day near the Ironworks. There were tables filled with food and performers would make this day special for everyone in Derry._

_[Y/n] woke up by the light hitting her eyes and a cold breeze washing through her body. She opened them slowly, watching the door of the bandwagon open and close by the air. She gently lifted her torso, turning to meet nothing there. She places her hand on the bed, it was still warm._

_She sat there for a moment, the world spinning for a few seconds. She’s been having dizziness ever since a few weeks ago, especially in the morning. She stands up to stretch, her only clothes being a massive shirt Bob has given her whenever she stays. It was too big for her, almost reaching her mid-thighs. She raises the sleeves to her nose, taking in his smell. He always smells like wood and sugar, mixed with the saltiness of sweat._

_The door turns completely open and Robert stood there for a moment, his eyes roaming her body before smiling at her. He keeps one arm behind him, while the other was extended so he could reach her head and kiss her temple._

_-I don’t understand why you keep insisting on dressing up. I like this other style much better- He said in her ear and he could feel them getting warmer by the second. Her face became beet red, but she laughed softly._

_-I have something for you- He said, backing away just one step behind. She looked at him with a gleam._

_-Really, you? Bob Gray? Giving me something? Is this one of your acts for the show? Is a clown going to pop out of here? Or should I call you Pennywise The Dancing Clown?- The tone was playful and romantic, and a small box was abruptly placed between them._

_-I made it for you. There’s something written underneath, but promise that you won’t look at it until tomorrow- His voice was mellow and sweet._

_[Y/n]’s fingers caresses the box with care, her heart stopping for a moment. -Bob, this...this is amazing! You remembered that sunflowers are my favorite!- The music box was open, revealing the song and the interior, the tune reaching every corner of the place. -I love it! the carousel, the song, it reminds me of us. I feel like this is too much and I haven’t given you anything- Her eyes casted down with sadness and shame, she couldn’t afford to get him any gifts, but he took his time to make this, her very own treasure. It was something_ **_no one_ ** _could replace._

_He looks at her with love, his hands grabbing the box before twisting the turning key one more time and placing it on the vanity. He took her hands, placing her close to him, ‘like she should be’, making her move in a simple dance, the lullaby giving them the sound. She places her head on his chest, neither breaking the comfortable silence that they share._

_-You did, you just don’t realize it- He whispers once the song was over, her face rising to meet his, dizzily looking at him. He raised his hand to touch her lips, trailing every part of her face delicately._

_-I love you, [Y/n]... You don’t know how much I do...-_

_-I’ll be with you until I die, then... I love you, Bob- She answers back before they share a kiss, not knowing it would be the last one._

_-C’mon, we have a long day ahead of us. The kids want to meet ‘Pennywise The Dancing Clown’!- His face faltered into an unsure one. He didn’t need to act anymore, he didn’t need the kids to be entertained to feed himself._

_-Don’t look at me like that. I know it will be more overwhelming today, almost every kid in Derry will be there, but hey...- She made him look at her, her gaze fierce and full of spark. -I’m going to be there with you as much as possible. You will need me to float, don’t you?- She joked, pulling a smile from him._

_Robert Gray felt something different in the air today, a warning, something lurking telling him ‘Don’t let her go’. He grasped her hand more firmly. He was far too old and wise to let this slip._

_-You should come with me right now- He said, his tone more harsh than he intended to, but she was unfazed by it, her eyebrow raising in question._

_-Bob, I can’t go like this.- She said pointing at her unpolished look, her hair messier than usual. -I need to change! Besides, I need to talk to Ms.Nelson about something- [Y/n] explained. It was true, she’s been spending most of her nights here, making Ms.Nelson worry more than necessary, and she was like a mother to her._

_His eyes didn’t seem convinced at all, so she pressed her hand to his cheeks, pushing them to pucker his lips, releasing a laugh at the results._

_-You look like a fish, an angry one at that- She said, puckering her own to mimic him._

_-I’ll be by your side forever. Remember, I’m just going to be away no more than an hour- She calmly said, noticing a restless nod from him._

_[Y/n] parted ways, looking at Robert one final time to mouth an, ‘I love you’ before leaving the carnival.She had the music box firmly grasped in her hands, her heart flushed with joy._

_She opened the door of the house, the smell of something cooking made her nauseous. It didn’t smell bad, but she wanted to vomit. She moves fast towards her room, emptying her stomach in a nearby bucket. [Y/n] removed her clothes, entering the warm bathtub, trying to not take long. ‘He’s waiting for me’._

_She looks at the music box, opening it to let the music fill up the room. Every sunflower was painted with care, and the red felt inside made the bright carousel stand out. It turned at the rhythm of the tune. She wanted so bad to look at what was underneath, what Robert could have made that needed to wait. It took all her will not to do it, he wanted her to wait, so she would._

_She loves him, her Robert, her sweet Pennywise, waking up next to him it was something she would ask to do every day until they no longer exist. She could still picture his sleeping face next to her, his gentle breathing next to her, his long arms holding her with firmness and care._

_They talk about the future, one day jokingly saying that he would give her the Neibolt house, she just needed to say it. She didn’t. She would rather live on a painted bandwagon on the circus with him, money or houses were something she wouldn’t need to be by his side._

_‘I would live in the sewer with you, if necessary’ she once joked._

_Once dressed and presentable, she walks out the room, the smell still lingering and the nausea re-suffering._

_-Ms.Nelson?- She calls, moving towards the kitchen. She finds her sitting at the table, but strangely enough, no stove was on or a meal being prepared._

_-Yes, dear?- She asks before turning her eyes towards her, worry crossing her features. - [Y/n], darling, are you Ok?- She moves fast towards her, motherly hands touching her forehead for a fever._

_-Whatis that smell?-  [Y/n] asked, once the swirling in her stomach stopped, the color reached her face once more._

_Ms.Nelson looked at her quizzically, she has not cooked anything besides Mr.Nelson’s breakfast, but that was more than a few hours back. Nothing in the house should smell bad._

_-I don’t know, my dear... come, sit down for a moment- She said, dragging [Y/n] towards the living room. As soon as they walked through the door,  [Y/n] fidgeted once more, her eyes turning towards a bouquet of roses and a box of sweets._

_-They smell awful!- She complains, but Ms.Nelson was sure they didn’t smell like anything, maybe just a hint of roses for that matter. It reminds her when she was pregnant with Gerald, Mr.Nelson had to throw away all the soap out of the......_

_-My dear, have you been feeling like this for a while?- Ms.Nelson asked without explaining, making [Y/n] sit down while she throws away the roses and chocolate._

_-I don’t know... I’ve been having dizziness in the morning, but nothing much...- She answered with much to think, but Ms.Nelson smile within her knowingly._

_-And what about nausea?- She asks. [Y/n] looks at her, trying to place where she was heading._

_-Not like this. I want to vomit by the smell alone, but it goes away. Who are those gifts from anyway?- She asks, her mood going sour, knowing exactly who it is from. Ms. Nelson looks at her with shame._

_-He didn’t take no for an answer, my dear, not even from my husband. He’s been coming every day now... That man, Thomas, seems awful... He almost enters the house without permission! He’s been knocking on our door late at night as well. He hasn’t returned in these past two days, though... maybe he finally understood he wasn’t welcome...- She replied. It was more than that, Ms.Nelson though, she had found him one night looking at [Y/n]’s window, hands almost ready to open it up. It was the first time in several years that they had to lock every part of the house._

_Ms.Nelson placed a cup of tea in front of [Y/n], forcing her to drink it up. She did and she felt much better afterwards. Ms. Nelson wasn’t blind or stupid. Ever since [Y/n] came home one day with ‘the smile’, she knew she had fallen in love._

_It took a while for [Y/n] to tell her, but she didn’t complain when she did. She had never seen her happier, and it feels real, she just knew. So now, ever since she had spent less and less nights here, she wonders._

_-Thank you so much for the tea Ms.Nelson, it works like magic- She said with honesty, and Ms.Nelson smiled back._

_-I know, that’s the tea the doctor gave me when I was pregnant- She bluntly stated and [Y/n] furrowed her brows._

_-What?-_

_\- [Y/n], I think you are with child, dear- She said, waiting for a response._

_Ms.Nelson knew [Y/n] loved kids, she loves the children she teaches, but she never talks about having one of her own, so in reality, she could not want one at all._

_[Y/n]’s hand reached her belly without thinking, her mind going a mile per hour._

_-A baby?- She asks again, not to Ms.Nelson, but to the world instead. Something in her tough that maybe it was impossible._

_She smiles, she smiles so brightly she thought it would reach her forehead like a certain clown she knows. Tears flow without even thinking;_ **_a baby._ **

_She hugged Ms.Nelson tighter than ever, saying goodbye, her mind still in a wonderful haze, ‘I need to tell Robert!’ was all she could think._

_Pennywise looked at the few children running around the park, only coming around him to get a balloon or to ask some question. No adult came close to him, they all laughed with no actual feeling, fake and disgusting._

_-Mr.Pennywise!- A little kid called his attention. He seemed familiar, maybe one of those kids in [Y/n]’s classroom. The child smiled, showing his missing teeth in the front._

_-Can I have a balloon?- He asks. Pennywise looked at him before handing him one, ‘an easy prey’. This place would be perfect for luring kids and killing them, but he refused. [Y/n]’s smile appearing in his mind calmed him down, ‘she’ll be here any minute’._

_The boy grabs it and joins a small group of kids nearby, they all laugh and eat, their voices raising without care._

_-I want a balloon too!- One girl said._

_-Hey! Isn’t Ms.Embers always with that clown?-_

_-Yeah, where is Ms.Embers anyway? She promises she’ll be here to help me with my paper boat!-_

_-She’s with my dad- A quiet kid said, picking up Pennywise’s interest. His feet stepped on the grass with more weight than it's supposed to._

_He kneeled at their height, casting a shadow on the entire circle, some parent picks this up, but shake it off as nothing._

_-Hiya boy? What’s your name?- He asks, faking intrigue. The boy smelled like rotten leather and burnt paper, something feral forming inside of him._

_The boy swallows his saliva, the clown making sure to let him know how big his size is, his big eyes lock with his own, waiting._

_-Um, L-Lucas- He answers, almost in tears. The clown licks his lips before speaking._

_-Hi Lucas, I’m Pennywise. Will you tell me why Ms.Embers is with your father?- He asks. Lucas felt no positive emotion at that question, it sounded dark, he was scared. He could see the smile of the clown faltering at his lateness to answer._

_-I hear m-my dad said that he will meet Ms.Embers today and make her love daddy once and for all- He responded and he could feel the light around them vanish, the eyes of the clown still bore in his face, smile completely gone by now._

_Pennywise rose again, his hand letting go of the red balloons, making them float through the sky._

_***_

_[Y/n] moved her body through Basey park, her smile still locked in her face, thinking about the news. She hears the running water of the river and ‘The Kissing Bridge’ starting to peak in the green scenery._

_Her hand touch the rail as the wooden bridge creaks with her steps. She looks at the water flowing for a moment, it was calmer than usual, every ripple ending at the pebbles of the small shore in the wood._

_She could see her reflection, ‘We’re going to have a baby’, she laughs at the thought, her excitement seeping out of her body._

_A small green thing caught her attention and she squints her eyes to have a better look at it, that can’t be right._

_-Is that a turtle?- She whispers to herself._

_A creak at the other side of the bridge made her jump in shock, signaling another person is with her on the bridge._

_Thomas looks at [Y/n], and she peers at him with uncertainty and disgust, his face recoiling at her mere sight._

_-Thomas? What are you doing here?- She asks, something in her told her that something was wrong, ‘get out of here’, his smell made her want to throw up._

_-I have been to your house 61 times these past few months. I haven’t seen you there, I have tried to find you in this fucking ugly town and I’ve never once found you..- He started to move towards her, his tone venomous. -How does that make me look, [Y/n]? A man that can’t even have a hold of a fucking woman!- His tone grew louder with each word._

_[Y/n] tried to move back without turning her gaze off him, he looks more disheveled than she had seen before. This is insane. He is insane._

_-Nobody is going to say anything, Thomas! I’m not yours! You've gone mad!- She tried to calm him down, but it fails, miserably._

_He laughs, it was deep and gruff, making a joke of her words._

_-Crazy? Me?! I saw you coming out of that disgusting trailer today. You’ve been fucking the clown, haven’t you? I never thought of you as a sick perverted woman- His tone was filled with malice. [Y/n] closed her hands with force, trying to contain her anger at the accusations._

_Thomas’ eyes widen at her behavior, just a few feet away from her._

_-You love him, don’t you?- He asks, her silence answering for her. -You love that freak!? I gave you my love, my attention, I shower you with presents, and YOU CHOSE HIM?!- He grasps her arms, locking her in place, his grip so tight her arms became numb._

_-Leave me alone!- She screams, trying to get out of his grip, but he wouldn’t let her._

_-I’m giving you one final chance! Say you're mine!- He menaced, her eyes filling with so much rage his grip faltered._

_-I know how I feel, and I will never be yours, Thomas!- He slaps her with force. ‘Her insolence, how dare she.’_

_He pushes her towards the rails, locking her in his arms so she wouldn’t move._

_-If you don’t want to, then I’ll force you- He simply said, no remorse in his words and her eyes widen with fear. His face moves closer to hers, but he gripped her hair as soon as she refuses to even stay still. She cries in pain._

_-Stop, I don’t love you- She quietly said, tears running down her face. He backed away one step, her shaking hands trembling on the rail._

_He didn’t understand. ‘What was wrong with this woman?’ A subtle move made his eyes widen in disgust._

_[Y/n] placed one hand on her belly without thinking, already protecting what is growing inside of her._

_-You disgusting filthy bitch, you’re pregnant with that freak’s child!? How more disgusting can you possibly be? Don’t worry, I will get rid of it for you.- His hands wrapped firmly around her neck._

_All she could feel after that was the cold water engulfing her whole and a rock crashing with her head._

_Robert Gray felt the world crumble in a matter of seconds, his legs move fast, following her scent, reaching towards her, but then it all came crashing to him in a moment, that familiar smell._ **_BLOOD._ **

_He looks at the bridge coming closer, the scent of her blood becoming prominent, his eyes found her no more than moments later._

_She was outside the river now, her purple dress becoming black with the blood, her neck was purple at the sheer force of her attacker, her hair dripping red, her whole body trembling. He was trembling too, he realized._

_Robert Gray felt the coldness in her body as he engulfed her with his for warmth, her breathing no more than butterfly wings fluttering. She looks at him, her hand raising with all the strength she had in her. Her tears mixing with the river water._

_-Robert.....- She called to him, and he could feel the pain in her words. He could feel it like it was his own, his white suit stained with her blood._

_-I’m-m-m-m sorry…. I didn’t keep my promise….- She muttered, her breathing getting harder to come out by the second. She never felt the pain of the wound, she felt the pain in her soul. ‘I don’t wanna let you go’ she keeps repeating in her mind._

_Robert Gray’s eyes cloud with tears, each tear dripping stronger. He could see the shine in her soul melt away little by little._ **_It is torturing him._ **

_-Don’t leave me...- He said, he refused... ‘she can’t,_ **_SHE CAN’T.’_ **

_She smiled at him with her sweet and kind smile, her tears becoming little streams of water on their own. She looks at him, eyes filled with pain and she began to hum the lullaby of the music box. Her soul reaches him for the last time, wrapping around him, hugging him with the warmth of sunflowers and apples._

_-I love you...- she ghostly breathed the last air, life finally leaving her._

_Robert Gray died with her that day._

**_‘[Y/N]’_ **

**_‘COME BACK’_ **

**_‘DON’T LEAVE ME’_ **

**_‘YOU CAN’T LEAVE ME’_ **

**_‘I LOVE YOU...I LOVE YOU...I LOVE YOU...I LOVE YOU’_ **

**_‘[Y/N]’_ **

**_‘LOVE ME’ ‘LOVE ME’ ‘LOVE ME’ ‘LOVE ME’ ‘LOVE ME’_ **

**_‘SMILE AT ME’_ **

**_‘YOU CAN’T LEAVE ME’_ **

**_‘YOU CAN’T’ ‘YOU CAN’T’ ‘YOU CAN’T’ ‘YOU CAN’T’_ **

**_‘COME BACK’ ‘COME BACK’ ‘COME BACK’_ **

**_‘C O M E B A C K’_ **

**_‘I NEED YOU’_ **

**_‘DON’T LEAVE’_ **

**_‘IT’S THEIR FAULT’_ **

**_‘THEY KILLED YOU’_ **

**_‘ANIMALS’ ‘ANIMALS’ ‘ANIMALS’ ‘ANIMALS’_ **

**_‘MONSTERS’ ‘MONSTERS’ ‘MONSTERS’ ‘MONSTERS’_ **

**_‘DESTROY THEM’_ **

**_‘KILL THEM’_ **

**_‘KILL THEM ALL’_ **

**_‘K I L L  T H E M  A L L’_ **

**_‘DON’T LEAVE ME’_ **

**_‘I love you, too’_ **

_The people of Derry felt the earth crumble, the air change, a cold wind rage against everyone. Every person that lived Easter 1908 could swear they heard a laugh all across town. It was a maniac laugh, a bone-chilling one. It makes one’s skin prickle and one’s breath cut short._

_Pennywise moved slowly, like each step weighted the world itself. The Easter hunt has been completed by now, every child gathers at one place, ready to enjoy the show._

_A kid move towards him, signaling his presence, he stops right before the clown._

_-Hey mister, got any balloons?- He asks, his tone demanding. He wasn't even watching him, if he did, maybe he would have noticed the blood._

_Pennywise looked at him, his eyes no longer casting a shadow of life within. His mouth grew big, a sadistic smile, he no longer had bunny teeth. They were sharp and there were more teeth than anything in this world was supposed to have. His hands began to deform, stretching and growing into claws._

_The child screams before snapping in half. It was a massacre, one by one he ripped them off, anyone that stood in his way, it was all their fault, they have to pay._

**_-DON’T KILL ME, PLEASE!-_ **

_His mind was blinded, breaking more by the second, the smell of fear engulfed the town, screams of terror filled him with nothing but vastness. Every person's life disappeared from the world because they took her away from him. His heart no longer beated as his whole self-cried with pain. It drives him mad. They will pay until no living soul remains in Derry. ‘I will torture this town as they beg for mercy.’_

**_-HELP, PLEASE, STOP!-_ **

_The crimson blood covered every part of the park. Limbs, and pieces of human flesh hung everywhere; it was hell on earth. The only thing alive was a clown, standing over it all, his laugh nowhere near stopping as his face looked up at the sky. His tears sluggishly washed the blood off of his face._

**_Alone._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy 70K people!! ❤


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ I'd like to thank PeblezQ for being my amazing Editor and Beta Reader! ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

It hurts, every part of my body hurts. My throat was dry, every swallow was sandpaper grazing against my neck, and every movement of my muscles was excruciating. My heartbeats where unbridled, everything was reminding me I was alive.

**I’m alive.**

I scream, not caring if my vocal cords snapped. Tears flowed out of my eyes without meaning to stop. It wasn’t easy, seeing everything and then dying. Nobody is supposed to see that, nobody should be allowed too. My eyes remained closed, facing IT now will be harder with the energy I have left.

I could feel my chest tighten, my lungs unwilling to collect air. My screams stop, my body panics, and my soul relentlessly wails. Every breath was becoming shorter and shorter, my eardrums muted with the sound of my heart. I was panicking. I didn’t know what to do.

I could feel his arms wrap around me, raising me from the cold ground into his body, encasing me with his. He moved, carrying me like nothing more than a feather in his arms, the contact with him made something in me relax, the air returning once again to my chest.

-It’s Ok, I’m here- He whispered. I feel a false sense of security and my brain melts away every bit of information. My life, my past life, I didn’t know if this is another memory or not, I don’t know if these arms are filled with blood. All the bodies, all the deaths.  _ Why? _

-Why did you make me see that?- I sobbed. I should have never asked for it. Forgetting was bliss, it makes all the pain go away.

-Because  _ I’ll _ never forget- He said, it sounded calm and pained. A part of me understood, all this time he just lived with this inside him, each day passing was another day with only memories to survive, I would have gone mad. I lost him all those years ago, the idea of not being with him again made me suffer the last moments of that life, it destroys me.

I clenched onto him, my knuckles turning white at the pressure, the pain in my chess prominent, his memories and mine became one, all of my feelings and his mixed together. He never knew about our baby, but he did now.

-I lost you- He speaks and I know he’s Robert Gray and not the monster I once knew. -I would’ve died that day with you if I could. I never wanted to live another day without you. I didn’t know what to do afterwards. The years go by and every moment I live with grief and rage. But then....-He stops, I could feel the knot in his throat. -But then I felt you, one day. I could smell the sunflowers and apples again, it had to be you, you came back, your soul refused to break our promises.

His body pressed me harder, hurting me, each word spilling from his mouth was filling with rage.

I opened my eyes to met his, not the blue ones I love, but a dark red instead, and Pennywise looked at me like the monster he had become.

-But then you died, AGAIN. You made me lose you for a second time, you made me watch you die by the hand of a shooter, bleeding again in my arms. It didn’t last before it happened again, your body scorched with the flames of men. They knew they killed you, and they will again. They tried so hard to get rid of you. They thought I would never find out once your soul returns to earth to be with me once more, so they tried to hide you, but I found you even at the end of the world. They tried nonetheless. I would never forget seeing you on the floor all beat up, but, this time you fought, AND SO DID I-

My mind connects everything I have lived in this life, understanding what he meant.

-You killed them...you kill my grandparents- I said, his final words realizing that all make sense now, everything up until now was manipulated by him. Yet, deep down I knew my soul will always come back to him against all forces.

-I will destroy everyone who tries to pry you away from me, they will never touch you again. My everything, how much have I waited for you…- He said, his body melting with mine again.

The Losers crossed my thoughts; how long have I been gone? Would they even notice I was missing by now? If I haven’t met them, I would have given into him. We both have crossed between life and dead to be together, so why refuse what’s inevitable?

But, his words, his hate had purpose and name, and I knew they had targets on their backs. He had killed innocent people before out of rage, he had mutilated the entire town just for the sake of revenge, he was no longer the man I knew and loved. He had become a feral monster protecting his mate, he was protecting the only thing that could love him back.

Richie, Bill, Eddie, Beverly, Ben, Stanley, and Mike. They were the purpose of me being here. I promised that I will protect them, and now I know. I never break a promise.

He has to stop, he had to realize I will be with him, that’s just something I can’t deny. I have seen and felt much not to.

His warmth soothed my pained body, every blink becoming heavier and heavier. My head was placed on his chest, the rhythm of his breading and the heartbeat I haven’t felt in so long conquer my body.

-Robert...- I called to him in my last moment of consciousness, he didn’t answer but I knew he was listening.

-I’m sorry I left you. I’m sorry you have to live the pain alone while I just forgot. I’m sorry for our baby… but nothing will happen to me again. You don’t need all this hate inside of you. This town is innocent at the game of fate- I finally said, one last hope to make this right. I had as much blood on my hands as he does.

I never heard his reply.

I wake up what I assume was a couple of hours later, standing up from the bed was harder than I thought. My legs wobbled as I put my weight on them. I was alone, and it didn’t feel right, my eyes casted down at the old water bottle that laid on the vanity, the raspiness of my throat reminds me the need for it. I grabbed it with greed, it seems unopened and clear, just a veil of dust covering it, my hands shake as I open it and gulp down the clear liquid.

I didn’t know how long was I out, it could have been days, weeks, even months. Maybe out there, in the streets, lone posters with my face were placed around town, just another missing kid. I looked myself on the only piece of mirror that still hangs where it belongs.

I had dark circles under my eyes, my skin was paler than usual, and my lips were cracked from the lack of food or water. My hair was oily and messy and I looked down at my leg, the memory of the slash across my thigh re-surfing.

It had new bandages, and it was healing properly, almost to the point of seemingly not being there in the first place. It looks more like a long paper cut now. He had clean the wound for me.

The interior of the wagon seems more familiar now, everything looks older and worn out, but still looked like the one I spent many times in.

Everything has changed, it seems. This life so far seems to have lost its way inside of me, like a blur waiting soon to be forgotten. Yet, I won’t allow myself to forget. The memory’s of my mother, my friends and everyone I ever cared about fighting their way through. My heart belongs to them as well, no matter how big or little it all may be.

My eyes observed the photo of us, the fear I once felt never came. My sweet music box waited for me to hold it. Who knew the love that was placed in this box was for me and only me.

I looked at the bottom, knowing I did it months before without understanding its meaning. Maybe deep inside my soul craved for the big mystery to be solved. I never got to read it up until this life.

The words made my face turn warm, it was sweet and simple but with so much meaning. Again, the swarm of feelings rushed through my system, I’m not the same as I was many life’s ago. Society changed with me as well. I feel like I lived more years than anyone else, but my body says otherwise. I was still I child, a mere growing one at that. It doesn’t feel right with everything I know, but it was real nonetheless.

My eyes remained so long on the underside of the box that I noticed something I hadn’t before. It was almost invisible, it looks like a square that was cut and placed again there, maybe an entrance to the mechanics of the music box inside.

I placed my nail in the crevice, trying to pry it off without too much hassle, but it seems it wouldn’t budge. My need to know what was inside was growing stronger as my strength became weaker. One more push is all it took to send the piece of wood out of its place, landing on the floor with a thunk. My ears twitched as another sound came as well. There was not only a wooded crash, but a metallic one resonated inside the bandwagon.

I looked at the music box first. It wasn’t a way through the mechanics, it was just a small hole covered in felt. I furrowed my brows for a moment before my eyes turned onto the floor searching for whatever fell moments before.

I could feel fate mocking me, laughing at me. My heart pretending not to feel the rage that spreads inside. My hand held a small ring, it was simple, just a silver loop with a small amethyst on the top. Something was carved inside:  _ ‘ **Forever yours’.** _

I felt angry at the world, I felt rage taking over me once and for all, it seems unfair. I lost my love, I lost my life, I lost my baby, nothing will be the same. I will never return to who I once was. I gripped the ring tightly, tears of hate forming in my eyes.

FUCK, FUCK WHOEVER PLAYS GOD IN THIS,  ** **FUCK YOU****.

It took me a while to calm myself. My need to be with him became desperate. Why would he leave me right after this? Doesn’t he know this will drive me insane?

The sound of rusty hinges of a door let me know he arrived and my feet move instantly. Opening the door of the wagon makes me return to the dark sewer and not the carnival. My eyes roamed the giant space, looking for his figure to appear, smiling at me.

My eyes meet an unwilling sight, and finally, once and for all, forcing me to return again at the present, putting behind the illusion of the past.

Pennywise carried a fainted Beverly in his arms, her face felt like something I haven’t seen in a very long time. Her deep red hair matches the pompoms of his suit. She appeared to be unconscious and unharmed, but I could feel my hand starting to sweat and the ring shift inside my fist.

-What are you doing?!- I asked, moving closer to them. He dropped her like a she was a mere bag of flour on the floor, her body splashing into the gray water that pools down on the ground. I hurried towards her, a sense of anger building inside of me from the way he is treating her. I kneeled next to herl; her body feels warm, and her breathing was calm. She was okay, for now.

-Beverly! Beverly?- I called to her, but I get no answer. I could hear his steps coming near us. He bows close to my face, his eyes deeply looking at me, waiting.

-Are you trying to wake up your  _ friend _ , [y/n]?- His tone sends a shiver down my spine, but it was no longer fear.

-Why did you bring her? What is she doing here?- I asked, my tone tried to mimic his, but I failed miserably.

-Oh, well, she’s the bait...- He said before giggling, his body stretching again, towering me.

I lost the staring contest between us, my eyes returning to Beverly’s form next to me.

-Bait for what? What do you plan on doing?- I asked louder. A growl of frustration came from deep inside his chest. ‘ _ That no longer works on me Pennywise.’ _

-Robert, answer me!- My voice raises once more, the idea for his plan already forming in my head.

His hand grips my forearm, yanking me from the floor into the caravan again. I turn to look at Beverly one more time.  _ ‘Protect them’.  _

My body hit the bed with force. I looked up at him, his eyes searching for something.

-Stop it, Robert! You don't have to hurt anyone else! They’re innocent! They can’t be blamed, no one can! I’m here, no one’s going to hurt me.- I grab his hand, stopping him, and his face turned away from me. I placed his gloved fingers on my face, soothing him.

-Please, Bob, just let us be. Let this town go...- As soon as I said that, he pushed his hand away, grabbing my ankle instead. Suddenly, a metal shackle clasped hardly against my skin. I looked at him bewildered, his face closing to mine, his smell wrapping me, dozing me for a second.

-I won’t allow it. You still care for them, **don’t you?** You can only be with me, [y/n], no matter how many times you rot in the ground, your soul belongs with me. No one else can have it. I will never forgive this town. I will kill them all, and I’ll enjoy killing your friends while you be the audience...- He finally said, a sadistic smile forming in his lips, not letting me say anything before his hand closed around my face, the air lacking for a moment, making me faint.

-Time for the final show [y/n]!-


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ I'd like to thank PeblezQ for being my amazing Editor and Beta Reader! ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

Bill woke up in his room with tears streaming down his face. He had dreamed of Georgie again. In his dream, he just knocks on his door and hugs him, not saying a word to Bill, but seeing Georgie smile was enough for him. He cleans his tears with care before looking through his window. The sunny day and cheery wind reminded him that his pain won’t stop the world, even if he feels it shouldn’t.

He promised to meet Beverly today since they were going to investigate more about IT, the monster that lurks on Neibolt. He hated IT, IT was the cause of everything in this town. IT was the one who took every missing kid, IT was the one who took Georgie.

_‘There’s got to be a way to destroy IT and make IT suffer like I am right now...’_

He lost all his friends that day on Neibolt, he had known Richie, Eddie and Stan most of his short life, they have always been together, so their absence was prominent. Bill never felt more alone in his life.

He dresses up and walks down the stairs. When Georgie was here, the house was filled with sound, whether it be his mom playing a tune for his brother, or simply talking to his stuffed toys. There was no longer sound in the house. The piano gathers dust as his mother crumbled away in despair, his father tried to be much stronger, dry and cut, going to work and returning later than he is supposed to. He never tried to show his heartbreak, but more than once, Bill found him sitting alone in his office, eyes puffy and red.

Bill tried so hard to help them, it wasn’t easy for him either, seeing his parents like that wouldn’t do any good. Every time he tried to smile, to let them know he was there, they look at him with a sort of betrayal in their gaze. _‘How can you smile without Georgie?’_

Bill opened the front door and let the sun make contact with his skin, it feels good, it warms him up. Grabbing ‘Silver’, he pedals slowly around town, taking his time.

Something was making his mind wander. It came to him one night, he had heard the sobs of his mother and the murmurs of comfort from his father. _Do they cry because they know that the monster took Georgie? Does my mother weep because she knows what lurks in Derry? Does my father look at the window of his office for hours, hoping that IT would never return?_

No one in this town does anything about it. Beverly was right, this has been happening for a while, yet, nobody seems to turn their eyes to that monster, they just know and keep on living.

[Y/n] came to his mind; he missed her. His mind would always go back to that day in Neibolt. He remembered [y/n]’s broken eyes as soon as Stan accused her. He felt he deserved the blame on that as well and it bothered him, knowing that in that moment, he agreed with Stanley.

It was too much information at the time, she said it herself, there was something there she didn’t know. That thing, whatever IT is, was looking for something in her. Whatever it might be, no matter how many times Bill thought and thought, nothing came to his head. _What connection does [y/n] and that monster really have?_ He didn’t know for certain.

He lied if he didn’t see her more than once pedalling ‘Firecracker’ by his house, she always looks up to his room, a hope for eyes to meet but never with results.

Bill reached the Standpipe, hoping to see Beverly waiting for him, he had taken an extra fifteen minutes to get there without thinking, and he was met only on an empty bench. He glanced around, not one single person was near, and he couldn’t see her bike anywhere, so he decided to sit and wait for a moment, but after 20 minutes of no sign of her, Bill hops on his bike and rode towards her house, feeling something wasn’t right.

He reached the bridge that was next to Beverly’s apartment building, stopping and placing his bike on the side rail before walking towards the stairs. The door of her apartment was open, and Bill could feel his skin prickle with alarm. He hesitates to walk in for a moment, but he mutters strength to himself before taking the first steps inside.

Bill swallowed hard at the scene, it looked like a fight happened no more than moments before, broken plants and destroyed stuff was all around, yet, the worst part was the silence. Silence always meant something bad.

-Beverly?- He calls, his steps heading quickly towards her room. He glances at the bathroom before turning fully towards it. His blood ran down from his face. Beverly’s father was on the floor, a pool of blood next to his face, and he wasn’t moving. Bill couldn’t see the ups and downs of a breathing chest.

He urgently backed away, and moving towards Beverly’s room with his mouth hanging open with shock. Above, written on the ceiling was a treat made with blood.

**_‘YOU DIE IF YOU TRY’_ **

Only one thing was capable of doing this. IT had taken her; that thing has kidnaped Beverly.

-Beverly!- He screams, a part of him hoping she would appear from somewhere, and that he just imagined that moments before. His legs moved fast as he left the apartment. _‘I need help.’_

Bill ran fast, ’Silver’ long forgotten as he was already unconsciously heading towards the arcade. _‘Richie. I need to tell Richie. He has to be at the arcade.’_   

Luckily his suspicions were right, as soon as he walks inside, he spots him, playing ‘Street Fighter’. He was smashing the buttons with frustration.

-Richie!- Bill called, his tone demanding to be seen. Richie turns his head, glancing at him before scowling and returning to his game once again.

-What do you want? See that guy I’m hitting? I’m pretending it’s you...- He said with anger still in his voice. Bill didn’t care about that now.

-I-IT got Beverly!- Bill simply stated.

-What are you talking about?- Richie questioned, and Bill almost rolled his eyes for his obliviousness at the sentence.

-IT, Richie! IT got Beverly!- He repeated, his tone more aggravated. _‘we don’t have much time to waste.’_

Richie’s hand stopped at that, his body turned to look at Bill, his eyes wide in denial, but one glance at Bill’s eyes made him realize it was the truth.

-Fuck! Let’s go, we need to call the others!- Richie said walking past Bill, already with a hand on the door.

They made it to Bill’s house, and on the way he explained everything; the house, the mess, Bev’s dad, and the bloody note on the ceiling.

-You die if you try? What the fuck does that mean?- Richie asks, entering the house with Bill.

-It’s a threat, Richie. I-IT’s going to kill us if we search f-for Beverly- Bill said, but Richie frowned.

-He’s going to kill us anyway, Bill! First Beverly and then the rest of us. I mean, think about it. After all of this, what truly makes us safe?! It doesn’t make any sense...- Richie explained whilst fixing his glasses.

Bill was holding the phone, already calling Ed’s house. He looks at Richie, he was right, something wasn’t adding up. At first he thought the note meant if they try to save Beverly, they’ll die - but was it really about that?

-Hello?- Ed's voice came on the other side of the line, making Bill’s mind overlook those words written in blood for now.

-Ed! Ed! D-Don’t hang up, Beverly is gone! **_IT_ ** took huh-her! Meet me at my house!- He scrambled out quickly, in case Eddie decided to hang up. He could hear Eddie’s breathing.

-Ok, I’ll meet you there- He whispers, not giving a chance to reply before hanging up.

Bill called everyone one by one, Ben and Mike didn’t hesitate, Stan, on the other hand, took a while to agree to help. _‘Okay...For Beverly’_ he finally said.

After the last call, Bill looked at Richie, he was biting his nails with nervousness.

-We have to tell [y/n]- Bill said, and Richie stopped, paralyzed at that sentence.

-Do we have to?- the way he asks it didn’t sound petulant like Richie would, it sounded sad and quiet.

-Y-Yes Richie, we have to. [Y/n] is our fu-fu-friend, we need as much backup as we can to s-save Beverly- Bill points out, but Richie still didn’t move, making Billy raise an eyebrow.

-It’s just.....Last time I saw her, I said some shitty stuff to her. I didn’t mean to sound like an ass, but I was so angry. That shitty clown, that photo, it all just fucked me up...- He finally said, moving towards Bill, eyes full of regret.

-[Y/n] will understand, Richie. I-It’s no-not like all o-of us didn’t t-turn our backs a-as well-

Richie complies, moving towards the front door. They both walk outside, her house coming near. Richie could spot ‘Firecracker’ at the side of her house, meaning she was probably there, he gulped.

Bill knocked on the door a few times, but after a while, with no answer or sound coming from inside, he pushes the doorbell, again with no results. He looks at Richie with worry.

-Hi, darlings! Do you need anything?- A high pitched voice makes them turn around. It was a lady, she was wearing bright neon clothing and her hair was almost silver like it was a poodle in her head.

-W-We are looking for [y/n], do you know where she is?- Bill asks sweetly, and the woman tilted her head in thought.

-Oh, Darling, you mean Ms.[L/N]’s daughter? I’m Ms.Brochard, her mom asked me to look after her while she was on a business trip- She said.

Bill and Richie waited for her to tell them where [y/n] was, but she just keeps smiling while looking at them.

-Well? Where is she?- Richie asked, annoyed by the woman.

-Inside I guess, that baby bird hasn’t come out for the last three days, missing her mommy I suppose. I remember when Ronnie was five.....- She started rambling about something they wouldn't give a fuck about. Richie and Bill looked at each other with worried faces, almost talking with their eyes.

-M-Miss, do you have a k-key for the house?!- Bill asks, interrupting her. She looks at him before nodding.

-Of course! But, why would I give the keys to you children?- She asks, her tone more serious.

-I’m her boyfriend- Richie stated out of the blue, making Bill almost have whiplash in his neck. -Was I planning on giving her a surprise, you know? Have you been in love Ms.Brochard?- She nods. - Then you know how happy she’ll be, so can we have the key please?-

Ms.Brochard looked at Richie for a moment before smiling.

-Oh, how can I say no to young love? Here you go darling, let me know how it went- She says before placing a single key in his hand and walking away waving.

They both stand still until she was out of reach, and Bill turns to look at Richie.

-Buh-boyfriend?- Bill asked, raising an eyebrow with a mocking smirk. He could see Richie’s face start to turn as red as a berry.

-Shut up- Richie muttered before turning and opening the door. They walked inside, and the both immediately noticed that the house felt cold and inhabited.

-[Y/N]?- Richie called without an answer, so they moved towards the hallway reaching what it looks like her room.

-S-she’s not here- Bill said while looking around. Everything seems normal, not like Beverly’s house.

-Bill- Richie called his attention, -Why would [y/n] want a hammer?- He asks, showing the hammer that was placed on her bed. Bill looked once more around the room, putting more thought into everything, it looks like someone grabbed some stuff fast and walked out.

-That lady said her mom was out of Derry, so where the hell could she go?- Richie asked, but neither of them found an answer.

They returned to Bill’s house, and soon enough everyone was there, ready to fight. Bill told them about [y/n] first, maybe to see if any of them have a clue.

-I saw her- Eddie spoke up, everyone turns to look at him. -She....She came to my house about four days ago, she wanted to talk to me, but...I didn’t let her-. His eyes casted down in shame.

-Did she tell you where she was going?- Ben asked intrigued, and Eddie shakes his head no.

-She only told me she wanted to see me first, I didn’t think of it much then, but now it looks like....-

-She was saying goodbye?- Stanley interrupted, his face contorted in worry.

-You guys don’t think she actually went _there_ , do you?- Mike spoke up with the only possibility he could think for her actions. Everyone looks at him, the same thought crossing their minds.

-She could be dead- Richie silently said.

-We-we have to go! We’ll only f-find out o-once we face IT- Bill spoke up, standing up around them, everyone nodded and follow.

They rode their bikes in silence, everyone thinking about the situation.

Bill was worried about Beverly. The clock was ticking and he knew that thing was a monster, but he blamed himself for [y/n]. If only he had returned her gaze when she looked up at his house, maybe she would still be here.

Eddie recalls the last moment he saw [y/n], his mind playing her words over and over. He had treated her poorly that day, and he felt awful about it now. If he knew she was about to do something stupid, maybe he would have acted differently.

Ben’s mind was filled with Beverly, praying she was fine. He had many scars already, but one more for her would be fine. He didn’t know what to do about [y/n], she was his first friend, his book partner. Her past intrigued him, and he never told her everything he really found out about her past lives since he barely could keep up with it. Maybe she was still alive, maybe that beast really needed her for something.

Mike was processing everything, the pistol around his chest feels heavy by the minute, who would have thought all of this happened in Derry? His grandfather could never prepare him for this, he just hopes his friends are Okay.

Stanley. Stanley was the more puzzled in the group, he cares for Beverly, he really did. She was his friend and she needed help. He was still unsure what he could do around a monster like IT, he was nothing but a mere lanky boy unless that thing is afraid of birds names. Stanley felt ultimately screwed. And [Y/n], he still feels betrayed by her. Part of him felt he couldn’t point a finger at her, she was innocent in all this. But another part of him whispers to him every time he questions her. _‘Is she really innocent?’ ‘How strong does that monster seek for her?’ ‘How strongly does she seek for IT?’_

Bill told them what he had found in Beverly’s home, it seemed simple to them, a treat not to fight him, but that part of Stanley talked again. _‘Is that really what IT meant? Maybe it’s not about Beverly. You die if you try? You die if you try to take_ **_her_ ** _away from me, maybe?’_ Stanley shakes that idea out of his mind, it just seems far-fetched.

Richie, he was pissed. He was pissed with himself, he acted like a stupid boy. If he only stayed with them, maybe this shit wouldn’t have happened in the first place. He was pissed for [y/n]’s actions if she really did what everyone thought, and there was a chance she might be dead already. His chest hurt at that image. That clown better not have done anything he’ll regret. LET’S KILL THAT ASSHOLE. We’re coming, [y/n].

Every boy felt the dread of returning to that place. They looked ahead, coming closer by the second, taunting them to fight back.

**The Neibolt House.**

 


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ I'd like to thank PeblezQ for being my amazing Editor and Beta Reader! ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

The sound of water droplets hitting the ground makes my ears perk up as my mind starts to wake. I tried to move my body slowly, the sound of chains and the force of something pressing against me made me wake up entirely. My eyes erratically searched around, my brain fuzzing at the sight.

_ Is it going to take this long every time I wake up to realize where I am? _

My mind switched from past to present as the dark place surrounded me. I was outside the bandwagon, I could see it not more than mere meters in front of me, the tower of toys and children’s other belongings surrounding it.

_ The carousel of children floating above. _

I derive my eyes from the sight, spotting Beverly on the floor. She was still asleep, meaning that I didn’t spend many hours fainted. My body instinctively tried to reach for her, but as soon as I stand up and push forwards, every extremity of my body yanked me back with anger.

My eyes casted down towards my body, taking my breath away from shock. I was no longer wearing the clothes I wore to come here. Now I was wearing a purple dress that was way too big for my body. I could feel the strap falling off my shoulder just with my movement, my loose hair covering my back from the cold air. My wrist and ankles were firmly clasped with metals shackles, my skin felt painful underneath, tugging at my resistance.

_ Where is he? What’s the meaning of this?! _

-Beverly!- I call, she needs to get out as soon as possible. There was no sign of her waking up so I call again and again until her body starts shifting on the ground. I waited patiently for her, watching every movement. She stands up with difficulty, her legs giving up mid-process of walking, her hands protecting her before crashing into the gray water around her.

She hasn’t realized yet that I’m there, so I remained still, the chain halting their sounds. Deep down it was best if she didn’t know I was here. I’m the one that’s supposed to stay here with him, no one else. If she sees me like this, she’ll try to help me, not stopping until it’s too late and he arrives.

Beverly reached the black metal door, pushing it with force to pry it open, however, it didn’t seem to budge no matter how hard she tried.

_ C’mon! You can do it! _

We both stop in our tracks as soon we hear something. I turn my eyes to the bandwagon, in front of it is a Jack-In-A-Box, the handle twirled as a cheery voice came through.

-Step right up, Beverly! Step right up! Come change! Come float! You’ll laugh! You’ll cry! You’ll cheer! You’ll Die! Introducing ‘Pennywise The Dancing Clown’!-

Beverly turns her face towards the sound, eyes locking with mine. Her eyes were wide with shock, a million thoughts crossing her mind most likely. A manic laughter came after as a clown puppet came out of the box with glee.

Everything seems to halt the world for a second, our eyes saying a million words, my desperation for her to be safe, and hers for me to be free, and to get away.  

-BEVERLY, RUN!- I screamed, one last attempt to save her before it’s too late. I push my body forward again in anguish, hissing at the pain underneath the shackles, my eyes lock on her movements, she was standing there in shock.

The side of the wagon crashed onto the pile of clothes and toys, a stage already set and prepared. The warm orange light covered the stage as a clouded background made it look like the gates of hell were opening.

Fireworks exploded, making me jump back slightly. Pennywise stepped out of nowhere, face grim and bitter, not the smiling one I was used to. He looks intently on Beverly, a broken music sounding in around the place.

Beverly looks at me one last time before her attention goes to IT. She stays in place, unsure of what to do. I was scared, he was going to kill her. He’s going to kill her in front of me.

I feel desperate, tears forming in my eyes and streaming down my face, feeling like the only thing I could do is watch.

Pennywise moved his body, one leg going up and then the other, his hands were closed in fists next to each other as they move up in down in synchronized movements with his legs. His face never changing from the bitter look. He was dancing for her, in what it seems a terrifying act.

Finally, Beverly looks away from him, eyes locking with mine for one last time. Between us, a black gate that leads to the sewer laid wide open, she looks unsure of what to do.

-GO!- I mouthed desperately over and over, it’s her only way to freedom.      

I saw as she hesitates, her knuckles white, eyes turning to the door, me and him.  _ Don’t worry about me Bev, just go! _

She moves, and part of me felt she understood that she needed to go, to leave this place, and forget about him and me, but the illusion of that idea broke down as the movement of her legs weren’t going towards the door, she was coming towards me.

-NO no no no no no no, Bev!- I plead for her to turn the other way, but as soon as she even considers reaching me Pennywise was already in the air, a sly easy jump, his laugh echoing, gripping her.

-NO DON’T!!- I scream at him.

Pennywise gripped her neck with ease, one hand picking her up like she weighed nothing. She fights, fist hitting his chest with all her might, but it seems like he didn’t even notice. He was mocking her, enjoying it.  

-Oh, were you going to save your friend?- He said in a mocking tone, anger laced in there as well. Her punches faltered for a moment, her eyes moving towards me.

-Robert, stop it! Please...- I begged, voice slow and quiet, pleading, tired. -Please don’t- My head hangs low, giving up my last hope.

I could see Beverly’s eyes widen at me. For her, it most sounded too soft, to personal, too caring.  _ ‘Why would that monsters listen to her?’ _

Everything they accused me of, was right.  _ I betrayed you Beverly. I betrayed all of you. _

I could see it. It was there, for a second it was there, gloved fingers faltering their grip on her.

She pushes to escape from his hands, but he griped at her neck stronger, more aggressive this time.

**-You can’t love them, only me!** \- He muttered between his teeth, eyes locked on Beverly’s neck.

-I’m not afraid of you! and  **I** _ will _ save her!- She says with bravery, like the true fighter she is. She was the Beverly I knew.

He brings her closer to him, nose wrinkling as he sniffs her, shaking his head after with annoyance, bells jingling with the movement.

-We'll see about that!- He responds with confidence. His mouth opens wide, a reminiscence of what he did to me before, what is the plan for doing so?

Beverly’s eyes turn gray after just glancing at the inside of his mouth. The orange lights, I remember. He releases her with such delicacy, and her body hangs in the air.

Her body remains just a few meters above the ground, hanging like a puppet without a soul. Robert moves towards me, his feet barely making a sound. His hand gripped my face, forcing to pry my eyes from Beverly and look at him.

-Why are you acting this way, Robert? Why am I tied up?- I asked, softly reaching for him one more time. I feel like a fuck up, like the shittiest person alive.

I know what he is, what he’s done and what he’s planning on doing. I should hate him, spit on him, scream at him and rip him apart if I could. But I can’t, him being near me, his touch, his voice, the way he looks at me, makes my mind cloud every single thing that is not him. Deep inside of me, I could hear something, it scares me, a voice, **my voice** , lingering far behind, almost to the point that I wouldn’t hear, but it was persistent, it remained there every single time.

_ ‘Let him destroy the world, all you need is him’ _

His hand trailed its way towards my wrist, touching the shackle towards my skin, the tip of his glove staining with my blood. I pushed so hard before, the skin started to bleed, I didn’t notice it.

-This is for the safety of your own stupidity- He responds moments later, his gaze still following the trail that his finger was making.

My skin prickled at his touch, it was soft, crossing my arm, reaching my shoulder towards my neck, and stopping at my bottom lip. I could see his face change from a concentrated one towards a hungry one. Similar to the one I saw on the bandwagon many years before.

-Your body is young and frail, but your suppleness is still there. Your fragrance is still there. Your soul still desires to be with me, after everything you have seen. Deep inside you still love me with such fierceness- He said, it was quiet, he sounded amazed, like he was telling that to himself and not me.

His body was towering mine, my sight just becoming him and nothing else, his face near mine. His breath mingles with mine, barely apart, he remains there, not moving, maybe even waiting for me to do it. A part of him testing me. I saw his mouth rise into a grin as soon as my body moves towards him no more than an inch.

I feel his hand move towards mine, grabbing it with care before placing something on my finger. My ring, the one that belongs to me, the one that had our promise, to be together, both of us, until we stop existing.

-Be by my side, forever.- He whispers repeating the same thing he said many lives ago.

-I will, I promise you.- I answered back without hesitating, except this time it’s not going to be that easy.

-But.....I can’t promise you I won’t protect them. You have to leave them alone, Robert. I won’t allow you do this.- I said, eyes built with fire. He recoils from me like my skin was acid for him, his eyes were wide with shock, changing from his ocean blue to a molten red.

For a moment I thought he would strike at me, scream or implode, but he laughs and laughs and laughs.

-Soon there will be nothing left for you to protect, [y/n].- He simply said, before turning away from me, body shifting right in front of me.

It was a small child, his body was covered in a yellow raincoat, his hair was brown with auburn highlights, similar to someone I might have seen before. He turns around, his baby face looks at me with a big smile. He looks a lot like Bill; I swear I’ve seen him before. The boy laughs, it sounded like when a child does a mischievous act.    

-Let’s see how much they bleed, [y/n]!-

I was left alone, the sound of galoshes running inside the sewer fade away after a moment.


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ I'd like to thank PeblezQ for being my amazing Editor and Beta Reader! ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

It felt like an eternity for [y/n], the silence was driving her mad. Only the dripping sound of water and the strong wind entering the sewer accompanied her thoughts. _Are the boys here? Has he got them already? What’s going to happen to Beverly?_

Her body moved in desperation, trying to get out from the shackles, but all she got was the sound of rusty metal chains clasped tightly to the concrete wall. She could see Beverly, unmoving and floating in the air. _What could she possibly be seeing right now? Is it her past? Is it her worst fears on a loop?_

The sound of shoes made her ears perk up, her body tensing as it got closer and closer. She spotted a small yellow thing walking quickly behind the pile of stuff, a giggle following after. It was him, he had come back, but that wasn’t the only one that was coming this way.

A bright light shines inside the sewer door on the other side of the dark tunnel, shoes messily splashing towards here. Her eyes widen as a lanky figure entered the place, his breathing was coming in tired huffs and he held the flashlight tightly.

- _Bill..._ \- she muttered, her heart skipping a beat at the sight of her old friend.

Bill’s mind was blinded with Georgie. He left the guys behind, no more than mere seconds after they found Stanley being attacked by IT. He knew it was tricking him, letting him get away from the group. Bill said it himself, stick together if we wanna survive. It seems that he couldn’t listen to himself after all.

His heart beated rapidly as the flashlight lit up the path. He caught just a glimpse of a familiar yellow and rubbery rain coat leading the way towards answers. Bill reached a big tunnel, the ground no longer filled with gray water, he noticed the light coming through from the other side.

Bill’s mouth hangs open as he cross the tunnel and his eyes catch onto everything. Beverly’s body floated there, a few feet above the ground.

-Beverly!- He screams, running towards her. He places Mike’s gun around his chest and jumps, not even reaching half of the length from where she floated above the ground. He tried again, but with no luck.

His eyes moved around, trying to find something he can stand on, but his heart broke at the sight of [y/n]. He dropped his flashlight on the ground, his body giving up on him.

[Y/n] looked like the definition of a prisoner, part of him was glad she was still alive, even if that means that monster keeps her in this place for days, probably doing stuff Bill didn’t even want to imagine. She looks paler and skinnier than the last time he had seen her, sunken eyes and lips tinted in blue, and chains clasped around her wrist and ankles. She looked at him without saying anything, her eyes looked extremely sad once they met each other's gazes.

-[Y-Y/n]- He softly called, his body moving slowly, scared that she might react in a panic mode. She remains calm, unmoving, waiting for him to reach her. When he was finally close enough he threw his body onto her, wrapping her in a tight hug. She broke after that, tears coming out of her eyes, muttering words that broke down in sobs.

-I-I’m so sorry, we’re going to g-get y-you out of h-here- He stated, but she shakes her head desperately, gripping his forearms with too much force.

-No no no no no Bill, Bill you need to get out of here, grab Beverly, leave, don’t turn around until you reach your house and you have to just forget IT...and please, forget about me.....-

-NO!- He shouted at her pleads. ‘ _How can she think I will leave her here like this?! I would never forgive myself.’_

\- BILL!- She screams, -Listen to me! He is going to kill you, NOT ME! There’s so much stuff I know now, so please, just go!- Her eyes were telling him something, a truth he couldn’t quite comprehend yet.

He backed away from that, his brow furrowed with confusion. _‘How can she be so sure that IT is not going to kill her?’_ His eyes moved to her shoulder, the strap of her dress falling slightly with her movements. Teeth marks decorated her entire shoulder. It didn’t look new, that was an old wound.

_‘How many secrets are you keeping, [y/n]?’_

-I won’t.- He said firmly, his mindset already set. He was going to save Beverly, he was going to save [y/n], and finally get some closure with Georgie.

Bill’s eyes turn to the side, a figure stood there watching barely behind the massive pile of stuff. Georgie's face was contorted in a raging one, his face far too clenched that the baby fat couldn’t even hide, eyes had a murderous gleam on them as the paper boat crumbles at the pressure of the little hand.

 _‘Georgie was never mad’_ Bill thought. As soon as Bill turned his whole head towards him, Georgie’s demeanour changed into an innocent smile as he hid behind a gray waterfall.

-I’ll come back to save you guys- He said, glancing at Beverly’s figure above the ground one more time and then at the terrified [y/n].

She was frozen by his stubbornness, [y/n] would have chained him where she is now if she could. He’s just a boy, they all are, how is he pretending to fight him?

She moved to grab him and stop him but he was already out of reach. She snapped towards his direction, the scene coming to view. Only his back and the small child were in view. It finally hit her who that kid was and why he looks so similar. It was Georgie.

[Y/n] was hypnotized by the quiet encounter Bill was having with Georgie, only to be disrupted by screaming chaos. She turns towards the sound, the same door Bill walked in moments before. Her heart beated fast. ‘ _Is everyone fucking here?!’_

It didn’t take many moments before she had her answer, lights flashing up and down with the movement of running people.

-Bev? Bev!- Mike’s voice raised once he runs inside, his eyes glued to Beverly’s. Every boy follows behind, ready to aid her.

They all look up at her, they look dirty and wet with their faces filled with terror as they looked around at the monster lair. Eddie turns his big flashlight around, his mouth wide open in shock. In the corner of his eyes he saw something moving, so he turns the light towards there, waiting for something to pounce on them, but all he did was look at [y/n].

-Guys.....Guys!!- He called, Stanley and Richie turning towards Eddie’s desperate voice, he turns to look at them before moving so they could see her.

-[Y/n]? [Y/n]!- Richie called immediately, his feet already moving towards her. His hands shake so hard that he had to throw the flashlight away. -Shit! Fuck! Are you Ok? Stupid question, you're not Ok, look at you! We're going to get you out of here!-

He turns to look at the boys, Eddie was coming near him to help while Ben and Mike helped Beverly.

-Richie, Richie stop!- [Y/n] said but Richie wouldn’t hear, his hand gripped one chain with force, trying to yank it from the wall. She turns towards Eddie, his eyes were big as he remained unmoving, not knowing what to do.

-Eddie!- He finally snaps out of his shock, his mouth open, inhaling and exhaling fast so he wouldn’t have an asthma attack. -You guys need to get out of here! For fucks sake, will someone listen to me? All of you are in danger! IT wants to kill you! Listen to me, please!-

-We.....- He started, doubt coming to his mind. This was already a situation that he didn’t want to be in, but he rather fights that knowing what would happen if they leave.

-We are _not_ going to leave you here.- A female voice answered for him, and they all turned their eyes towards the figure. Beverly’s eyes look more defiant than ever. She woke up, she was fine. [Y/n] let out a breath of joy. _‘This is soon to be over, they just need to listen to me.’_

-FUCK, This is bullshit!- Richie gave up, the chains remained stuck in place without a single chance. He looked at everyone, his eyes helpless.

-What do we do now?- Ben asked, his tone unsure. Everyone looked at each-other. Beverly frowned, realizing someone was missing.

-Where’s Bill?- She asks, everyone, looking frantic, realizing that he went alone in here before they arrive.

[Y/n] looked as everyone turned, finding, at last, the lanky boy and the figure of his dead brother barely meters from him. Everyone moves towards Bill’s way.

-We’ll come back for you, but we need to get rid of IT first- Beverly said, coming closer and engulfing [y/n] in a warm hug.

The group moved towards Bill quietly, amazed and worried that they all were looking at Georgie right now, even if that was impossible.

Bill saw as Georgie's figure stepped out of the shadows, he tried not to cry from how much he looked like him. His boat wrapped in his tiny hand, as the other was no longer on his body, only a ripped shirt.

-What took you so long?- Georgie asks, his voice sweet and innocent, a true devil's work to sound that sad.

\- I was looking for you this whole time...- Bill answers back. Georgie stood no less than a meter away from Bill, his heart beating a million times per second. **_It’s not real._ **

\- I couldn’t find my way out of here- He said, -he said I could have my boat back, Billy...-

Bill’s heart shrinks at that, torturing him with the remembrance of the day his brother disappeared from his life. The day everything changed. He smiles, a part of him wanting to believe that was really Georgie there, alive, with him.

-Was she fast?- He asks Georgie.

-I couldn’t keep up with it...- He responded with his baby voice, the most innocent one Bill will ever hear in his life. **_It’s not real._ **

-'She’ Georgie, you call boats _she_ \- He corrected, bringing Bill back to the reality of who that really was; that wasn’t Georgie. **_He’s dead, he’s dead and he’s never coming back._ **

\- Take me home Billy, I wanna go home!- Georgie cried as his eyes shifted beyond Billy for a second, letting him know his friends were there with him. His lungs weren’t giving him enough air.

-I miss you, I wanna be with mom and dad- Georgie cried.

-I want more than anything for you to be home, with mom and dad,- Bill moves closer to him, giving him the final words he would like to say to the real Georgie.

-I love you, Billy- Georgie’s final words broke Bill’s. His hand pressed tightly on the gun.

-I love you too,- Bill returned the caring words, -but you’re not Georgie...-

All [y/n] heard was a gunshot and a body falling, it was none of the losers. It was him. They shot, Robert.

Her body unconsciously tugs towards his way. All this time, she tried to protect them from him, but listening to that gunshot made her realize that maybe it was the other way around.

-ROBERT!- She screams, her body pushing to get out of the stupid chains. _Leave him alone, he’s mine. I fucking told you fuckers to leave, leave HIM, PLEASE. I want you to leave us alone. **BASTARDS**.   _

A scream echoed all over the place, it sounded like a child and a beast screaming at the same time. The losers backed away in shock, more concern about the monster and not about a certain girl screaming.

The body squirmed and changed, arms extending and long legs changed the child's body into the clown. He stands up like a rag-doll, his eyes turning to face the group, a mix of yellow, red and black eyes look mockingly at all of them, waiting.

[Y/n] saw his figure standing among the losers, he was alive. She realized how the sweat that slid down her back was icy cold, her body burning by the scene. They all started to scream at Bill, ‘KILL IT’ ‘KILL IT BILL’ ‘C’MON KILL IT’.

She grabs a chain behind her, pulling desperately. This is all going downhill, she could hear the hinges clasp giving in, at last, just a little more.

Bill shot at IT, not knowing that the gun was empty, yet still he could see the clown head create a hole where the bullet should have landed. He froze, the clown moving rapidly towards them. IT jumped on top of Bill, the gun protecting him from the killer teeth the clown was showing.

The chains weren’t coming off fast enough for [Y/n], she stops pulling with her hand, her body moving towards the fight as she pushes forward. Her eyes moving along with them. Bill held the gun with all his strength. Beverly raises a spear towards Pennywise, ready to strike him, but before she knew it, his hand clasped tightly around the spear as he roars with hate, ready to strike.

-Beverly, NO!- Eddie screamed, scared that IT was going to hit her, but Mike stepped in his way, fingers clutching the iron bar with all his force. It was pointless as the mere push from IT sent Mike flying all the way towards the mountain of clothes.

It was then when [Y/n] saw it. Ben grabbed the spear from the ground, just as Pennywise turns away to fight the other boys. All the force that was held in her body came in a single rush, her mind screaming at them. **DON’T HURT HIM, DON’T HURT HIM PLEASE**.  

Everything happens so fast, [y/n] pushed and pushed, her wrist and ankles already bleeding, broken skin meeting metal. She didn’t care, at some point she could feel her wrist snapping in two, but she pushed anyway, her soul weeping for him. The metal clasp that chained her the wall broke, making [Y/n] finally move towards him.

Her bare feet touched the water and concrete, her body screaming at her with pain, yet her soul was stronger. Her arms raised, encasing Pennywise’s body from behind, his soft clothes were the final thing she could feel.

-STOP!- She screams, but it was too late. For [Y/n] it felt like when she was in a rollercoaster for the first time years ago and she could see that it just got higher and higher, her stomach disappearing once it drops down towards the ground.

The spear had impaled them both, Ben never saw her coming. Everyone froze, as the sight of horror laid there for everyone to watch.

A shriek of pain made everyone stop the dead track and back away. It wasn’t from [y/n], it was from IT. His eyes were wide as he grabs the spear from his stomach and pulls it out.

He grabs her before she even touches the ground, his arms wrapping her around his chest, his suit tainted with blood one more time. One hand covered the wound greedily as the other shakily removed her hair from her face with such delicacy nobody would have believed.

It feels impossible to the group, that sight was by far the most stranges thing so far. That monster, that beast, was a killer, he was something that feeds on blood and flesh of Derry. But now, he was holding her like it was his own life in his hands, the shakiness from his body and the way his hand was trying to stop the wound from bleeding was something no one could understand.

Yet, they did, in all came rushing down in that few seconds. The story, the picture, the lives, everything, it wasn’t because he was after her to kill her.

 **IT** **_loved_ ** **her.**

-Leave,- IT’s voice sounded tired and raspy, IT’s eyes locked on her form as her chest rose with difficulty, -Leave us be, don’t you see how her soul weeps?-

-Let her go!- Beverly spoke up. [Y/n] was dying, it didn’t matter what happened before, she needs to be safe.

-NO!- He cuddled her stronger, protecting her from their hands, -She needs to be with me, and after she’s parted from this world, I will rest until her soul comes back to me, where she belongs. And your children will all grow and thrive and live happy lives until old age takes you back to the weeds- He said angrily, a dead promise he knew, they all die by his hands, he will kill them all. _‘THEY WILL PAY, [Y/N], MY EVERYTHING, THEY TOOK YOU AWAY FROM ME AGAIN’._

The Losers remained still, maybe thinking about it. What can they do for her? [Y/n] was hardly breathing by now.

-Guys, we can’t!- Beverly complains at them, guilty faces looking at her.

**_What can we do?_ **

[Y/n] raised her hand towards Robert's face, forcing him to look at her. He did, his face changing to a worried one, the ring was tainted in both of their blood, she smiles at him, like every time she vanishes from his side.

-It’s never fair isn’t it?- Is all she could mutter, he grabbed her hand with his, soothing her in what might be her final moments.

Richie looks at the scene, standing up from the ground where he laid. He wanted to walk away, even if his heart hurt by the thought alone.

-I told you guys, I fucking told you,- He started talking, getting everyone’s attention, -I don’t want to die. I got punched in the face, we walked through shitty water, we ended up in a crackhead house, and now this fucking clown is telling me to let [y/n] die?! You know what, fuck you.- Richie moves towards the pile of shit He grabs a bat sticking out from it, his face contorted with anger.

-I don’t care what you want, but she’s coming with us to live her fucking life. Even if that means killing this fucking clown.-

Pennywise’s face contorted in a spiteful one, placing [y/n] on the ground with delicacy before moving towards Richie.

-WELCOME TO THE LOSERS CLUB, ASSHOLE!- Richie forcefully swings the bat, hitting the clown in the face. Mike didn’t hesitate a second before moving the bar towards IT’s face as well, but the clown’s mouth opened, revealing multiple scorched hands asking for help.

Stanley grabs a pipe, striking the arms, but as soon as the clown turned, the woman from the painting, the one that attacked him moments before, came his way again. But this time, he wasn’t afraid. Stanley swings the pipe towards IT’s face, sending the clown stumbling backwards.

Mike ran to hit IT again, only this time the clown evaded the hit, making Mike fall on the ground. The clown’s arms turned into spider legs, ready to strike him. Mike rolled and rolled, until everyone came to aid, chains, bat and metal pipes all strike down on IT, not giving IT a chance to fight.

This was different, the children, they weren’t afraid, he was weak. They shine together, it wasn’t remotely as bright as [y/n], but it was enough to beat him. For now.

He tried nonetheless, turning into a leper and vomited all over Eddie. Instead of fear, Eddie stands up and screams, - I’M GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU!- as he kicks IT down.

IT looked at Beverly, wearing her father’s face, IT knew she was terrified of him. Beverly wasn’t afraid, she had killed him no more than a few hours ago.

She encrusted the metal bar inside IT’s mouth, ending the fight once and for all.

[Y/n] saw the imagines in front of her come and go in a haze. The fight, the speech, his soft touch, it all just seemed like a movie seen from afar. IT was now cornered.

Bill watched as the clown sat on the ground, weeping. IT tried to reach [y/n] one last time, but Eddie raised his spike towards IT, making IT back away.

-That’s why you didn’t kill [y/n]. You care for her, don’t you? We aren’t afraid of you, not anymore. That’s why you didn’t kill Beverly before. Now _you_ are going to starve and die, you will never see her again. MONSTER - The last words coming out with hate, _‘Now I know your weakness’._

[Y/n] could see him, he was near, she wants him close, to hold her, it was too cold and she knew he was warm. She calls him, but no sound came from her mouth. She tried again, tears coming out. He jumps into a hole, and she looks at him desperately.

_WHERE ARE YOU GOING?_

_ROBERT._

_DON’T LEAVE ME._

_BOB, PLEASE._

_I’M HERE._

_DON’T LEAVE ME._

_ASSHOLE._

_WHY?_

**_YOU PROMISED._ **

**_LIAR._ **

Hate filled her soul as she extended her arm with the remaining strength, pleading for him to take her and leave them be. Two dying loves. A single tear ran down her cheek as he disappears into the vastness, a single word reaching her ears, his final word.

_[y/n]._

Her world became a dark one after that.


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ I'd like to thank PeblezQ for being my amazing Editor and Beta Reader! ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

**-Someone, bring out the car, get the pads and continue with the CPR. Let’s start the ventilation.-**

-Be by my side forever…- He said in his greed, his voice husky and deep. Part of him wonders why he’s even asking. She was already his.

 _-_ **Doctor, there’s no pulse-**

_-I will... I promise you...- She answers almost immediately, her hand moving towards him. He opens his eyes and he realizes she has done the same._

**-Bring down the defibrillator, NOW!-**

_-I love you...- She interrupted, tears forming in the corner of her eyes. Her hands connected with his, a shaky smile forming._

**-CHARGE!-**

_The crimson blood covered every part of the park. Limbs and pieces of human flesh hung everywhere; it was hell on earth. The only thing alive was a clown, standing over it all, his laugh nowhere near stopping as his face looked up at the sky. His tears sluggishly washed the blood off of his face._

**\- No pulse, sir, we can’t do anything else-**

_LET ME DIE._

**-She’s just a child! One more!-**

_ROBERT._

**-CHARGE!-**

_I love you..._

**\- Stop! We found a pulse, rhythm stabilizing. She’s alive!-**

I opened my eyes to what felt like an eternal nap. The white walls and warm light made me realize that I was in a hospital. The TV was on, the sound not too loud, but it was enough for me to hear it.

_‘......Mayor details have been found as the days move from this horrific incident in our town of Derry. Police found Henry Bowers, a 15-year-old boy hours later after the emergency call roaming around the sewers. He was found, covered in blood and disoriented, telling the cops over and over again the same words. Mister Bowers was found guilty of the charge of the murder of more than 11 people, including his father and police officer Oscar Bowers. Mr. Oscar Bowers was found dead in his home by a critical wound to his neck a few hours after the incidents occurred. So far police have not confirmed the total body count. Our prayers are for the parents and survivors of this lamented tragedy.........’_

The door opened as my mother walked inside. Her eyes were red and swollen, a big sweater covered her from the cold of the room. Her hands fidgeted on the phone as her face turns towards my figure. The crash from the phone into the ground startled me. Her body pressed on mine, every part of me in pain.

-OH GOD, HONEY. I love you, I love you so much! I-I thought that I lost you! They called me....I didn’t know what to do, they found you with chains and.......- Her tears didn’t allow her to finish. I tried to raise my hand to touch her, but I was just in too much pain.

-Mom, I’m Ok- I lied. I wanted to cry, and for once, I allowed myself to do it. Once I was alone. My mom walked out to call the doctor after a while, letting me finally weep.

I curled my body as much as I can, screams and tears flowing, trying to soothe away the pain in my chest. _He’s gone, he left me alone, my love. Half of my soul was no longer there._ A part of me hated them, The Losers. If they just let us be, if they just walked away, I wouldn’t be dying inside. The pain was scorching.

I couldn’t blame them of course, they didn’t know anything. For them, IT was a monster, and it was true, he had become a monster.

That doesn’t mean I didn’t love him any less.

After mom returned, the doctor walked in. Preoccupied with my actions, my mother tried to reach out to me to help, but he stops her, walking her out of the room. I could hear him whisper outside of the door.

-She needs space. She suffered traumatic events, is best if we let her know she’s safe first- The doctor calmly explained, my mother was choking sobs.

-I can’t see her like that, doctor.-

-Why don’t you go rest Ms.[L/n]? You’ve been here the last four days looking out for her. She’s awake now, and for what you told me, she soon will be fine. [Y/n]’s a strong child. Go rest, we’re going to do some tests to make sure she’s alright. Nothing's going to happen.- He said sternly. My mother tried to refuse at first, but after a while, she agreed.

She walked in and gave me a kiss, giving me sweet words of motherly love before leaving. After an hour, doctors and nurses come and go. Taking blood, talking to me, checking up on me. Apparently, I had broken a wrist and a few toes, the spike impaled my middle area, grazing my stomach along the way. I had major blood loss, dehydration and was practically starving. For what they had told me, I had spent three days down in the sewer, but they never found any infection or virus in me for being there as long as I did.

They told me police was coming tomorrow, my mother was supposed to be present for the interrogation. I nodded slowly at that, my mind elsewhere.

Night finally came, and I was left alone in my room. The light from under the main door and the sound of nurses walking from place to place soothed me a little. The TV was off so I looked at the window by the side. I could see the top of the trees barely peaking as the starry night stared back at me. I moved my body, every step was difficult but I guess the last shot of whatever they put in me was helping. Pushing the window up, the cold breeze wrapped me. I breathed in deeply, the smell of wood making my eyes swell up with tears.

-I.....- I started talking to whoever listened out there, a God, a bird, the wind or the moon. It didn’t matter to me, it wasn’t him talking back, -I don’t understand. Why? Fuck, **Why?!** I saw him die. Is this what he felt all these years? I’m dying. **I’m dying, this pain is too much** . How can I live with only our memories? Knowing that he can no longer hold me in his arms or say I love you?! **WHY?!** Why is this world so cruel?! Is this my turn to suffer?! Do I pay for my own sins?! Do-Do I have to pay for loving him forever?-

Tears fall down to the ground, my hand gripping at the rail so hard that it made me notice a strange pressure on my finger. I looked, the ring was still placed there. Every heartbeat was a knife to my chest.

I stayed, looming out the window for most of the night, part of me pleading for a response. I was waiting for a whisper in the woods, anything, but all that was out there was silence.

**_He was gone._ **

 


	31. Chapter 31

The police came the next day, their faces we’re filled with grim and sorrow. I notice the police officer that came to my aid the first time we arrive to Derry. His hair was more white than before, only a few pieces still remain dark colored. He grab the stool that was next to the door, the dragging sound of metal scratching the tiles of the floor was the pause of an uncomfortable silence.

Mom holds my hand as she sits next to me at the bed, I didn’t even turn to face her, my eyes emotionless stared at the officers in front of me. _Ready to lie, it seems._

 _-_ So...-He clears his throat before taking a pen and a small worn-out notebook out of his pocket, he glance at my mom,- Ms.[L/n], we are going to ask some question to the victim, as since she is place as a minor given her age, you need to be present. However, and I kindly ask you as this is a serious event, that you remain silence, letting her answer, if you think that we ask a question that doesn’t belong in the interrogation, then by all means let us know, Ok?-

I feel my mom squeeze my hand with nervousness before nodding. The police officer, Jack, if I finally remember well, copy her movements. He turns to me, his body shifting in awkwardness, opening the notebook.

\- Ok, let’s see.....apparently you were found by your friends after the disappearance of Beverly Marsh on the eighteen of August, witnesses believe that you’ve been chained for three days, can you tell me what happen?- His eyes stay sternly in my face, not sign of empathy in his voice.

There was something that isn't adding up, his words, the way he was asking, it didn’t sound like a interview for a victim whatsoever. I wasn’t the victim, or at least in the way everyone thought I was. I went to Neibolt willingly, I wanted to stay there willingly, the only reason I am here was because I was protecting _him_.

_I failed at that._

I tried not to think about him, it was going to make things worse. But the way the police officer look at me, waiting, expecting for me to crash down. Makes me wonder, _does he knows?_

This town is far to old, people usually does not move out of Derry, they make their lives here, they die here, whether it is of old age or ‘unfortunate’ ways. Police officers never made a discovery, they never had answers for the missing kids, now they blame Bowers, the son of a police officer, strange isn’t?.

-I don’t remember- I said blankly, my voice never breaking as my eyes never shift their gaze.

Jack raise and eyebrow, signaling the other cops to retrieve from the room, he moved one leg on top of the other, sitting more comfortably.

-You....don’t remember anything [Y/n]?- He ask, emphasis in my name, I could see my mother turning to face me.

-No, I remember the day my mother leaved for work, I remember going on a walk towards the library, I remember waking up here.-

-Your friends told me they already found you wounded and bleeding, Beverly Marsh fainted, you had a treated wound on the leg as several marks in your body, can you possibly tell me you can't remember the pain?- I became silent at his question, something in his tone was becoming aggressive, not believing a bullshit from me.

-Do you remember the pain [Y/n], you lived it over and over again, can you tell me you really forgot?- My hands curl tight the sheets underneath, _a threat,_ this sounded like a threat.

-Wha....- My mouth open up but, what was suppose to say?!

-Tell me, is IT dead?- He leans towards me, his voice no more than a whisper, eagerness and pleasure lace through.       

-Get out......- I mutter, my voice cracking with rage, he lean closer.

-Huh?- He ask. I look up to him, and I can see his eyes widen at me, my teeth gritted, snarling, rage boiling inside me.

-GET OUT!- I scream at him, his body backing away in shock. My mother stand up from the bed, scared for my reaction,-GET OUT, GET OUT, **GET OUT!-**

He nods calmly, his body moving with easiness. He turn, hand grabbing the handle of the door, and look at me one last time.

-Thank you, for your answers.- The bastard smiled at me and walk out.

-Officer....- My mom’s confused voice follow him, walking out from the door as well. I could start to feel the pain in my eyes from not blinking, a film of water making my tears run down, my hands trail towards my head, yanking my hair with force as my legs close to my chest.   

_Robert was right, they are the monsters. How much do they know, did they plan this? How many people in this town knows?._

They knew who I am, from the moment I walk in this town. They knew this would happen, did they expect me to die again? How many people know this? How many people look at my direction with pitying eyes knowing my fate? How many look at me with _hate?._

A soft knock at the door made me turn my eyes towards that direction. My mother stands there slowly, she had a tender smile, unsure how close she can approach me. She grabs the same stool and move it towards me, gently this time, without making a sound. Her hand slowly wrap mine, and for the first time, I could feel the warm calming me down.

-They’re gone honey, it’s Ok- Her tone was quiet and velvety, a mother’s voice, it reminds me to Ms. Nelson in a way.

-I’m sorry I yelled, I-I.....- Her other hand quickly reach my cheek, soothing me.

-[Y/n], honey, you don’t have to say anything. It’s not your fault, that man was asking question that made no sense, besides you still shaken for everything that happened. I’m just glad you're here with me, I tried so hard to take you away from danger, I really did, I’m sorry all of this happened.- She remove her hand to cover her eyes, her nose starting to get red from holding the emotions.

-Mom....- My voice calls her to look at me, her hand slowly falling to her lap. I smile at her once she finally glance at me.-This isn’t your fault. Nothing that ever happen was your fault. I don’t regret coming to Derry, there’s......just too many stuff that tells me I belong to this place. I......- Nothing else came out from me. I didn’t just belong here, I belonged to him. I belonged to every part of history that came with this town. Knowing this, knowing that he’s not longer here sounded impossible. I wanted to get out of here, to let my body run, hoping to feel alive as the feeling of nothingness comes out of my body. To scream his name at the top of my lungs, to grab the land that made us one and curse at this pain.

Hope was a bitch, it stuck in me like a thorn that I couldn’t reach, it stay there, always whispering the possibility that I will see him, feel him and finally feel alive again.

I ended alone in the room, hours later from the encounter with the police. It all swirled in my mind, looking for clues or anything that may show me how did I miss it from the beginning. The light from the sun reach my room, lighting up everything but my mood.

-Misses [Y/n]?- A nurse called to me, I didn’t even realized she had opened the door. -You got some visitors- She quietly explained why she was there. I didn’t want to turn around, knowing exactly who they where.

My heart beats faster, _impossible to hate them it seems._

Their steps were rush, one after the other enter the room, making me finally turn and face them. They all stand around me, bruises and bandages present on their body as well. Stan had his face pretty much wrap around, his eyes finally looking at me without hesitance. _Are you going to judge me for loving a beast? For loving the thing that did that to you? The monster that fuck all of your lives?._

I waited for them to bash me out, to insult me, to hate me and marked me like a witch in Salem, but all I felt was the air coming out of my lungs. Their body’s all and each one wrap around me, warm and gentle hugs made something in me weep in joy. _There it is again, hope._

Tears ending up coming out from me and I feel that’s the only thing I’ve done this days, only this time was different. The hate I feel for them will always be there, a reminder for what they did, but my love for them was stronger, and if they still care for me after everything they lived what they did, then so should I.

 _-_ I’m so fucking glad your alive [Y/n], we were so scared- Richie was the first to spoke up, his voice breaking heavy-hearted.

-W-W-We thought you were go-gone- Bill said, his lips pressed tightly in a smile. I feel a hand grab mine, and I could feel the softness in her skin, Beverly grinned at me, her eyes watering.

-I can’t lose my best friend. [Y/n], you tried to protect us, I don’t care about anything else. I know you, I saw how hard you fight for me to walk away from you, just so I could get a chance to escape.- The determination in her voice was strong and fierce, I could see some head nodding along with her words.

-Yeah, you're our friend remember?- Eddie spoke up,-We still don’t know many things about what happen, and some things will remain a mystery, a-and quite honestly some things I will never understand, but......you will always be a Loser to us.- He smile at me in his sweet smile, the one he shared with you when he says something he really meant it.

-Besides, you still owned me a full day in the arcade, of course you couldn’t die.- Richie joke, making me and everyone share a laugh. It was a long time since we shared one together. _It felt right._

 _-_ We’re glad you're back [Y/n]- Ben said simply, but I knew his shy demeanor meant more that he spoke up.

-I....-Stanley hesitated to spoke up, my blood feeling cold. He moved his body near me, everyone stepping out of the way, -I tried so hard to hate you, I really did- Everyone felt mute at his honesty. I keep my mouth shut, letting him talk, -But, the moment I thought you we’re going to die, I wanted to punch myself for even thinking of hating you. You never stop supporting me, and you always stood there when I needed something, even standing up in front of Patrick just so he couldn’t hit me, you were always my friend. That’s the [Y/n] I know, and that’s the [Y/n] I still care for.- He embrace me and I knew that it wasn’t easy for him.

The sunset was setting once we finished talking. They asked question I didn’t know how to answer, but I tried my best. I hid my past, I hid my love for him, _they wouldn’t understand._ I guess that they knew somehow figured out in a way , how can they not? But they all remain silent, not pushing it any longer.  

I thought that I will never spend time with them again. I once forgot how really important they are to me.

They all said their goodbyes, hug after hug, a promise of a tomorrow. Beverly stood by my side, her body not moving, they all look at her waiting.

-B-Bev, you coming?- Bill asked, his hand on the door.

-I’m going to stay with [Y/n] just for a while,- Bill face looked worried at her, Ben mirroring it as well. She huff at their expressions,-Guys it’s Ok, just for a while- They nod reluctantly, a final goodbye before walking from the room.

I looked at her, waiting for something. I could see her hands fidgeted, reaching her bag, taking something from it.

-I feel this belongs to you- She said, placing something in my lap. I looked guiltily at my music box, my hand reach for it like it was going to turn into sand at any given time.

-H-H-Ho-How?- My voice barely come out, a knot in my throat leaving me without even the possibility of swallowing. I look for Beverly with desperation. _Hope, a message, a possibility_ .       

_-_ I grab it when I took the chance, right before leaving _that_ place,- I was going to ask more but she keep going, -[Y/n], I can’t understand how you feel, I can’t understand how can you love such a thing. Don’t look at me like that. I know you love IT, but everything I saw, God. I don’t know how, but, in a way, IT loved you as well. When he attacked me, I saw some stuff. I saw us grown ups, it felt unclear,like moving pictures of a projector. Sometimes I saw you next to us, sometimes I saw you with him. Something tells me that many things can change along the way, IT’s is gone now, but he’s always going to be part of your life, even more that I know of, whether I like it or not-.

The music box laid in my hands greedily, like a part of him was with me. She knew that I love him, she knew that I would have choose him, she knew that I would have died for him. But, she hoped things would change along the way, that maybe someday I would wake up and not think about him.

_Too bad that she’s just feeding herself lies._

The pain will never go away, and I would never stop loving him. A part of me will always hope that someday I will return to his arms, a part of me will always weep because that won't happen.

The sound of the music box accompanied me that night, my hand raise up above my face as the ring shone the light of the moon. My never ending promise.

_I loved him,_

_Since forever ago._


	32. Epilogue

**March 1990**

Mike Hanlon woke up from his bed later than usual, it was a weekend and he couldn’t be more glad. After everything that occurred last year, Mike’s grandfather decided that it was best if he’d go to school, he never explain why, but his paps one day just let him go. It was a game changer, the losers were there with him almost everyday, and for the first time he didn’t feel like an outsider.

He had become closer to everyone, especially Ben, after everything that happen they could bond over how much they like the history of Derry and the love they have for the library. They decided to leave the search for IT’s past behind, not because they weren’t interested, but for her.

It took a while for [Y/n] to return to their lives, at first it was just too much going on. Mike could see that everyone tried to move on, for their sake’s and most of all for her, but sometimes Mike could see it. Her eyes drifting apart, her mind elsewhere, she looked sorrowful at those moments, not really there.

He was glad she was with them, it didn’t matter to Mike, [Y/n] had been one the first to look at him and smile with care, she would always make sure to have him there, to not let him feel excluded.

Sometimes it worried him, more than once he found himself wandering in the library, his eyes searching for answers, the need know and understand. He knew as much as the rest of the group did, maybe even more, but it didn’t felt quite enough.

It was past three and Mike was waiting for the knock on the front door, he had already help with the chores and work he had to do in the farm.

-Mike boy,- His grandfather called him from the kitchen, he follow the command, looking at his paps with a hand on a kitchen counter as one of the doors hinges stuck out of place,- Can you look for the screwdriver for me kid? That damn door won’t stay in place.- He said with aggravation, Mike responds before going upstairs and search for one.

Leroy Hanlon mutter a curse under his breath, that fucking old wooden door was so old that it didn’t matter how many times he screw it back it just end falling again. _‘That boy is taking to long to find the screwdriver’_

He heard several knocks on the door, he waited for Mike to come down with the damn screwdriver and answer the door, but apparently he was the only one that could hear it.

-MIKE! Where the damn screwdriver?!- Leroy yelled, and after a few second he could hear his grandson voice muffled respond to him, _‘I can’t find it!’_. He rolled his eyes and let go of the damn door, several knocks sounded again so he moved to open the front door with annoyance.  

-May I help......- Leroy felt his throat cut short at the person standing in front of him, he felt his hand cold as they grip the knob.

[Y/n] eyes turn up to glance at the person in front, it was and old men, probably Mike’s grandfather, they had the same eyes. She smiled at him, not moving from the entrance, the carpet underneath her shoes giving her a spot to stand.

-Hi! I’m looking for Mike, my name is.....-

-[Y/n]- The man’s voice sounded grim, he loomed down on her with sadness and shock, she could see that he was about to say something when Mike’s figure appear from the stairs moving their way towards them.

-Hey! You’re here, let me just grab my backpack.- Mike stated, entering the next room before coming out with his pack in his hand.

-Where you going Mikey?- Leroy question, his eyes remains a few more seconds on her before turning to his grandson. Mike furrow his brow at his paps, the way he was acting was like he had seen a ghost.

-We’re going to the library to study for a Biology exam next week, I ask [Y/n] if she can accompany to grab some samples of different plants and stuff- He answer innocently, Leroy nod at that, watching them walk farther and farther from the farm.

Leroy stood there like it was 27 years ago, he had know she had return all this years, he had never hope to meet her again. It was a life time ago he had meet her. He was a man by that time. He remember his parents frequently going to ‘The Black Spot’ they said it was the only place everyone that was mark as an outsider, not to say the real name they will shout at them, be at home and feel welcomed. It wasn’t just a bar, people usually bring their kids going there, it was safer than leaving them alone where they might be in danger.

He’d remember meeting the daughter of a waitress, she was a couple years younger than his son, and she behave like a daughter to him, they usually stay in the storage playing games they invented. He had grown love for [Y/n], his son had loved her deeply like a sister.

He’ll would never forget the day they burned down ‘The Black Spot’, it wasn’t like the paper would said the next day, or what would history bring down forever. Most people of Derry was racist at that time, that much was truth, and the hate they felt towards black people would eventually lead towards the same fate yet, he had heard the whispers and the truth that laid in that event.

_‘She is to blame, kill her and you’ll kill the beast’_

_‘I have seen him lurk around her for a while now, she needs to die’_

_‘Let both burn in hell’_

_‘Kill her’_

_‘We need to protect ourselves and our kids’_

_‘Burn her’_

His parents grab him as they pull him away from the burning place, he would later on thank them, as for it would turn on a massacre by the monster himself.  

 _‘Touch his heart and the beast will attack’_ His father told him years later _‘They would never kill one without killing the other’_

_‘In the end, they will always return to one another, sometimes fate is stronger than hate Leroy, sometimes the only way is to let run down its course’_

His old man told him everything he knew about the thing that lurked in Derry. The clock was ticking for everyone, and most people in Derry knew, they were mere pawn of a story nobody quite knew. He tried to warn his son, but that would never work for a man in the grave. So he did everything in his power to protect the only blood that was left, Mike was safer with him.

_Bullshit that was._

He knew that IT was dead, Jack had told everyone still alive that knew what he was talking about. He told he had seen her, he told her that they finally had get rid of IT, but all he could think was his father words.

 _‘In the end, they will always return to one another, sometimes fate is stronger than hate Leroy, sometimes the only way is to let run down its course._ **_Love is stronger Leroy, sometimes, even dead can’t win._ ** _’_

[Y/n] enter the house after a long day of studying, she was tired, in many ways. It’s been months since everything happen yet everyday she’ll wake up with tears in her eyes calling his name. It wasn’t easy, sometimes she even though it was impossible to keep going, but the losers help her to ease the pain, they would always tried to make her laugh and distract her.

She grab the necklace around her neck, the ring ended right where her heart was, feeling it should be closer to her than in her finger. It was the only things that she that reminds her of him. She tried going back to Neibolt, sometimes when she was too distracted her legs ended up moving towards the front door, waiting for him to be there.

-Hey mom- [Y/n] called, her mother had quit the job as soon as she got out of the hospital, she was far more happy working in a hardware store close to the town’s heart. Money was more tight but she felt is was better being closer to home, usually coming around five in the afternoon.  

Nobody seems to answer her back, meaning that she was late in work, probably coming soon. [Y/n] took her backpack and place it on the kitchen.

It was the times when she was alone it hit her the strongest, nobody could muffled out the pain when she was alone. She sat on the table, the sun already setting in the west, her finger caress the chain, reaching all the way to her ring.

 _‘I miss you’_  She repeated over and over in her mind. A plea, a prayer, she no longer knew what it was, but it stuck there every-time she wanted to be by his side.

 _‘I love you’_ She mutter every morning and every night, waiting for an answer to follow, it never did, yet she tried nonetheless.

 _‘Don’t go’_ She screamed in her dreams, the single image of him fading away as the light from the sun would mock her an another day would start.

[Y/n] move her body slowly, not longer filling welcome in the tiny kitchen, her foots moving slowly one in front of the other and into the hallway.

 _‘Come back’_ She would mutter every second of everyday, like she had done now.

Her body became stiff, every muscle that existed tensing. Her eyes grown wide as every part inside her decided to stop working. Everything except her heart, _her heart won’t stop beating._

The melody from the music box sounded around the house, the slow whimsical tune call to her. She haven't made it to her room yet, she supposed to be alone. _Hope._

 _-_ Robert.- She called, her voice almost to nothingness, her body moving towards the sound.

**_HOPE_ **

 

 

 

 

 

_End of Chapter I_


	33. Special Thanks

First of all, thank you guys so much for reading my story, this had been an amazing time and I loved every part of it. You guys had been and amazing readers, the support and love you gave me was unbelievable, reading every single comment would and still makes my day in a way you guys can’t imagine.

For the ones that ask in your head if this is the end. No, it’s not. I plan to do a sequel and maybe throw as well the prequel while we wait on the information about ‘IT, Chapter II’ since we’re talking about a change in the time period, so we need to figure out when or how to do it properly.

Of course, I want to thank PeblezQ. She had been my teacher and the best editor I could ask for. Not only did she help me improve my writing in a way I would never though off, she support me and help me with this story, whether it was commenting of certain lines in the story of chapters as a whole, that would made me want to write more.

So Pebbs, when you read this. Thank you a million times, thank you for helping me and thank you for being like ‘Yaaas’ every time I did a chapter. You are the best teacher I could ask for. I can’t describe how much you’ve help me.

And as for Eugenie (A commenter in chapter 30), you ask for me to do a specific ending, and even if this is not the one you ask for, I will write it for you.

I know that for you guys this wasn’t the typical story you would find when looking for a character like Pennywise. I tried my best to do a story that it felt to me like a story of love and not just romance and sex thrown here and there. This is my take of a story that come to me one day before even watching the movie.

Thank you so much, as the first time doing and ending a fanfiction, I couldn’t ask for more. Knowing that this part of the story is over is making me super emotional.

Feel free to let me know if you want me to write something that might be related, whether it is a part of the story you think might add as an extra or just simply a story you guys have in mind.

Also, please check Pebbs book, It’s called ‘Destination 1974’, you can find it on Wattpad. It’s wonderful! 

 


End file.
